today is my first official day
and yea
ummm
spend like 3824579238947238 hrs in a car
and now im in savanha GA for some stupid grl scout thing
BUT!!!!
not till monday
so, yea
we are staying at this hotel
its pretts sweeeeeeet
i mean, the pool is gross and warm
and the work out thing only has 3 things in it [and u have to b 18 to use them]
but there is a computer room
so life is good
plus, cricket gets service out here!
w00tnesss
haha
im gonna like it here
...till grl scouts that is
x_x
7/25/09
7/17/09
so today
i was blankly staing into space
when my eyes happened to wonder to some one else's,
some that i thought i have just flew past and kicked out of my life
and i was happy with that
but in his eyes i saw sadness
he was looking right back into my eyes
and all i could think about was the time we shared
ans his eyes just said, i miss you
and now, along with all the other stuff im thinking about
hes on my mind too
and thats one of the LAST things i want on my mind
see, this is why i hate being a girl
it makes things hard for me to get over
gawd, why didb't i listen to myself when i said i wouldn't get back together with him??
ugg, now look where im at
in a pit of confusion
of people i have feeling for
and people that have feelings for me
and trying to find out whats for real and which are nothingness
i really just wanna get EVERYTHING off my mind
i only want ONE thing on my mind
a silver fucking bullet
im sick of my parents
im sick of old memories being stuck in my head
im sick of hearing some of my best fucking friends saying they wanna kill them selves
im tired of having to live with the fact that i have a dead best-ish friends that died that way
and every time one of them talks like that, it brings it all back
and just rememebering that make me loose it
so yea, there you all know
i had some one really close to me kill themselves
and i couldn't stop them
only like one if any people knew that
but im just sick off all this shit
and im thinking, if i make it public, maybe it could convince my friends to stop being so emo
and they could realize how much damage it is emotional doing to me
im tired of beating myself up about this shit
im tired of always acting happy
im tired of holding the tears back
im tired of trying to cheer everyone else the fuck up
im tired are pretending
im tired of life
and im going to make this public
facebook, myspace, twitter, aim/g-mail status'
so people can see what they are putting me through
yet, im afraid to see what some peoples reactions might be, so maybe not THAT public
but we'll see now wont we...
when my eyes happened to wonder to some one else's,
some that i thought i have just flew past and kicked out of my life
and i was happy with that
but in his eyes i saw sadness
he was looking right back into my eyes
and all i could think about was the time we shared
ans his eyes just said, i miss you
and now, along with all the other stuff im thinking about
hes on my mind too
and thats one of the LAST things i want on my mind
see, this is why i hate being a girl
it makes things hard for me to get over
gawd, why didb't i listen to myself when i said i wouldn't get back together with him??
ugg, now look where im at
in a pit of confusion
of people i have feeling for
and people that have feelings for me
and trying to find out whats for real and which are nothingness
i really just wanna get EVERYTHING off my mind
i only want ONE thing on my mind
a silver fucking bullet
im sick of my parents
im sick of old memories being stuck in my head
im sick of hearing some of my best fucking friends saying they wanna kill them selves
im tired of having to live with the fact that i have a dead best-ish friends that died that way
and every time one of them talks like that, it brings it all back
and just rememebering that make me loose it
so yea, there you all know
i had some one really close to me kill themselves
and i couldn't stop them
only like one if any people knew that
but im just sick off all this shit
and im thinking, if i make it public, maybe it could convince my friends to stop being so emo
and they could realize how much damage it is emotional doing to me
im tired of beating myself up about this shit
im tired of always acting happy
im tired of holding the tears back
im tired of trying to cheer everyone else the fuck up
im tired are pretending
im tired of life
and im going to make this public
facebook, myspace, twitter, aim/g-mail status'
so people can see what they are putting me through
yet, im afraid to see what some peoples reactions might be, so maybe not THAT public
but we'll see now wont we...
7/13/09
the replaning of my life in a more positive way!
instead of my other plan
that consisted of me dropping out of high school
and gettin sooooo fucked up on heroin, till i OD and die
but yea
new plan::::
finish high school
go to college
move to canada and get a job there
and then yea
live there
till i die
or something
hehe, all my family will b in the states
i mean, id like visit for holidays
but yea
i still dnt know what i wanna do
like, a criminologist would be sooooo funn
[i think i spelled it wrong, haha]
but there is SO LITTLE crime [specificially murder] in canada that there would be no point in having that job
sooooo, maybe a music critic, but im so use to whats in the US
soooo, maybe a sound editior thing would be best
im thinking it would
hmmmm, too damn much to think of
uggggg
its like, if i fuck up now, im fucked the rest of my life
i hate pressure
and DO NOT do well under it in any way. shape, or form
grrrrr
i miss my Maranda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that consisted of me dropping out of high school
and gettin sooooo fucked up on heroin, till i OD and die
but yea
new plan::::
finish high school
go to college
move to canada and get a job there
and then yea
live there
till i die
or something
hehe, all my family will b in the states
i mean, id like visit for holidays
but yea
i still dnt know what i wanna do
like, a criminologist would be sooooo funn
[i think i spelled it wrong, haha]
but there is SO LITTLE crime [specificially murder] in canada that there would be no point in having that job
sooooo, maybe a music critic, but im so use to whats in the US
soooo, maybe a sound editior thing would be best
im thinking it would
hmmmm, too damn much to think of
uggggg
its like, if i fuck up now, im fucked the rest of my life
i hate pressure
and DO NOT do well under it in any way. shape, or form
grrrrr
i miss my Maranda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7/8/09
to elaborate on my last post...
i think that i am starting to fall for someone
i think
and i hope not
cuz i dnt like it
but yea
ummm, thats all really
well, not really
thats all i felt like elaborating one
and ummmm
some one broke me fuking headphones
becuase i put my hand on his notebook
brand new fucking 40 some dollar headphones are broken now
because i put a hand on a notebook that said not too touch it
and not eveb out of seriousness
ass holes
i think
and i hope not
cuz i dnt like it
but yea
ummm, thats all really
well, not really
thats all i felt like elaborating one
and ummmm
some one broke me fuking headphones
becuase i put my hand on his notebook
brand new fucking 40 some dollar headphones are broken now
because i put a hand on a notebook that said not too touch it
and not eveb out of seriousness
ass holes
murphy's law
anything that can go wrong, will
but it hasnt
and i don't know why thats the title when it should be expect the unexpected
because its happening...
but it hasnt
and i don't know why thats the title when it should be expect the unexpected
because its happening...
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