so today

i was blankly staing into space
when my eyes happened to wonder to some one else's,
some that i thought i have just flew past and kicked out of my life
and i was happy with that
but in his eyes i saw sadness
he was looking right back into my eyes
and all i could think about was the time we shared
ans his eyes just said, i miss you
and now, along with all the other stuff im thinking about
hes on my mind too
and thats one of the LAST things i want on my mind
see, this is why i hate being a girl
it makes things hard for me to get over
gawd, why didb't i listen to myself when i said i wouldn't get back together with him??
ugg, now look where im at
in a pit of confusion
of people i have feeling for
and people that have feelings for me
and trying to find out whats for real and which are nothingness
i really just wanna get EVERYTHING off my mind
i only want ONE thing on my mind
a silver fucking bullet
im sick of my parents
im sick of old memories being stuck in my head
im sick of hearing some of my best fucking friends saying they wanna kill them selves
im tired of having to live with the fact that i have a dead best-ish friends that died that way
and every time one of them talks like that, it brings it all back
and just rememebering that make me loose it
so yea, there you all know
i had some one really close to me kill themselves
and i couldn't stop them
only like one if any people knew that
but im just sick off all this shit
and im thinking, if i make it public, maybe it could convince my friends to stop being so emo
and they could realize how much damage it is emotional doing to me
im tired of beating myself up about this shit
im tired of always acting happy
im tired of holding the tears back
im tired of trying to cheer everyone else the fuck up
im tired are pretending
im tired of life

and im going to make this public
facebook, myspace, twitter, aim/g-mail status'
so people can see what they are putting me through
yet, im afraid to see what some peoples reactions might be, so maybe not THAT public
but we'll see now wont we...