30 mins ago i could of killed some one, or better yet, myself

the air coming out of my lungs and up my throat is cold
my finger tips are so sore that they are numb
and i feel like im trapped

as if i am locked inside a box
but not a normal box, it's me
and i keep fighting to get out

my shoulders are either cold or in pain
it's hard to tell
it feels as if people are putting their cold, lifeless hand on my shoulders and back
or i am getting a number of shots at the same time
im not sure how those two are related

so yesterday on my way home from school my mind left my body
i don't remember getting off the bus
i don't remember crossing streets
i don't remember walking home
i just remember sitting on the bus then opening my front door
and im not sure what happened
it's like my brain turned off
but i remember thinking this whole time
but it seemed like i was gone for more than 3 or 4 minutes
it seemed more like an hour

during this time i was thinking
about how life would be if people could only see you as your shadow
or silhouette
how would that make society?
better?
worse?
or nothing would be different what so ever?

i heard that if people payed less attention to physicial things the world would be better
but i ask you, would it really?
don't you think it would be eaiser to end the life of people when you cannot see their face?
you couldn't see the terror
or the sadness
unless, the reason you do it is to see that, then maybe it will
but if you couldn't see ones face, how would you even know what expressions are?

sometimes it makes me wonder...

and right now i want to yell at the person whose hands are on my back and shoulder
my hands are warm
but to touch where i feel i am cold just turns my hand to ice

so who knows...