in my attempts of sleeping...

[like always]
i was thinking
about normal stuff i guess
and how it seems life is just flying right by
and how 'scared' i am to grow up
now im not sure if the sounds weird, or normal
but i am

and im not sure if it's the responsibility
or if im just afraid of loosing people
cuz i have
i mean, just the transition from grade school to high school, i lost all those people
and it's weird now that i look back on it
those people were like family
i mean, i grew up with most of them
from kindergarden to 8th grade
[ignoring the fact i hated most of them]
and it scares me to see how much i changed in 2 years
i mean, even at the end of freshmen year how different i was
idk, its just weird
it's like loosing family to me
its weird, but wen u spend +11430 hours with some one, its kinda hard to loose them, no matter how much you wanted to kill them every waking minute

idk, i think im just afraid to loose more people wen i graduate high school
which brings me back to the idea i started freshmen year with
"don't meet people, don't build relationships"
but look wat i did
first day of school that idea was out the fucking window
x_x
but it really turned out to be good..
or at least, i think so
if i say it's a bad thing that kinda makes me feel like i im saying that i regret meetting my friends, which i dnt, but i really wonder what life wld be like if i had stayed on my idea
or if i would have wen't to carmelt
or brasher


this is why i either have to be tired when i go to sleep
or have some one to talk to
x_x
i hate thinking at night
this is usually where it ends