i still love fnc

thats all































well, thats all i wanna say




well, all i can

twitter

is a dangerous thing for me

i got really mad at it and the people on it the other day

i am soooo happy when people @ me :)
especially when it's in a #FF thing
because sometimes i think that people put thru effort to pic their followers to mention
which i doubt it
it only happened twice tho


and also, i find it so amusing how tommy lee and nikki sixx are so different
because nikki's just seem more like, sophisticated, and tommys are like, yea fuck that shiiiiit
idk
maybe im a crack head


idk
because they @each other

and i LOVE when people in bands @ their band members!!!

im happy
and feel accomplished

and its all because of my little arts and craft thing i finally did

its was hard
annoying
and time consuming and i really like it
im hanging a sign about it that says "holli"
and i told jenn to make one that says "and some ice cream"
because thats wat she use to call me, kinda is, sometimes
haha

and imma laminate them
and hang it up in my dorm



another reason i think i like it is because i tagged people
and the fact that they were happy made me happy


and hearing that people appreciate something i did is all it really takes for me to be happy


but not like
someone asks me for help
and i help them
then they are happy

like this
i didnt like plan on it



or like my post its and q cards
people read them and were happy
and then i was happy



idk
maybe im weird
or maybe im a good person
but idk, im happy atm











































or atleast just content

yea, imma go with content :)

so much i want to say
but i refuse to

this is the internet
and anybody can read it
and i can't very well talk about someone if they follow me
even if they don't even log on
or even if i think they are just to conceited to read mine
or even if they don't have an account to this


i have a scene set up in my head
that i would like to be in right now
i guess its my little taste of paradise
but thats not gonna happen for a number of reasons


every time i hear a seether song i get depressed
which i just noticed a day or so ago
and i know why
and im not going to share it


i think i might curl up in my fort
and write what i really want to say in my notebook
my notebook knows more about me than anyone in the world
in a sense i guess
i guess it just knows a combination of what different people know
which makes it powerfull
and is why i hide it

and i probably should just throw it away
cuz it has a bunch of shit in there
and i always feel obligated to go back and read it
then i get depressed


idk






i just kinda really want to b alone atm, because people are just randomly pissing me off


blah, i think it's nap time..

ronnie: @max_the_ripper you should come join falling in reverse!




aweeee :)<3

max: @REDRUMRONNIE smoking crack, what else
ronnie: @max_the_ripper: @REDRUMRONNIE smoking crack, what else” hahaha that's not your drug of choice lol!
ronnie: @max_the_ripper Remember when I came up with the name escape the fate at Kennys house and told the story in the bamboozle video interview?

no movie could keep me more on my toes than this @reply convo via twitter


shit might go down
cuz obviously there are still bitter feelings
no matter what either of them say

and it aggravates me




but it amuses me

if i could describe with words how i truly feel for you i swear you'd fall in love all over again

in a way, i feel bad for abandoning myspace

so many amazing (and not so amazing) bands got their start there

handshakes and highfives
hollywood hearthrob
brokencyde
blood on the dancefloor
never shout never
jeffree star
j bigga
fly high helicopter

and probably sooooooooo many more
those are just the ones i kno of
and i adored handshakes and highfives
untill one guy left
and they got 2 new guys
and then they re-did songs

and i loved hollywood heartthrob
and they had a tent at the 2010 warped tour
and i didnt realize who they were till waaay after

and brokencyde
i loved them
untill they redid a song i loved
and their new songs sucked
and they jumped ppl in local bands that i love

and i never really got into never shout never
but he use to be never say never

and i wanna say cobra starship go their start there
and attack attack
but just cuz they seem like it







and now, with out myspace,its like some people and things will never be found
but now we have youtube
but all of them suck for the most part










so i really don't think that i can blame facebook
but i do blame youtube















what has this world come to?

i want to go to the top of a mountain and stand on the edge, i'm not sure what i want to do after that, and it worries me deeply.


i want to just sit down, and relax, and be happy.
i want to scream, to let out all my anger and frustration.
i want to jump, for the adrenalin kick I know i will get before splattering into whatever awaits me at the bottom.

ive been losing respect for almost everyone, but have gained it for myself, its like seeing everything with a dark mask has lightened my soul


and i really just wanna fall into that dark sadistic mind set
i mean
i feel like im slowly reaching that state
the state of wanting nothing more than a world filled with mutilation


just a dark, twisted, maniacal world


a world where everyone has their scars
and no one is afraid of them


i want a world or anarchy, and no one to tell you anything
just fuck it all
fuck any glimpse of a higher authority

let's live in a sadistic world
where people know and believe that they are the only reason for the good and the bad in their life

i want that kind of world
where we will actually believe in ourselves

but that sounds peaceful

and in all honesty, i know an anarchist community will collapse quickly




the world i want will never exist
and i must live with that


the life i wish to lead will never happen
because for the most part my life is too established, and i already who i am
i cannot gain skills and experiences
nor can i loose memories


the point of this blog is also filled with reasons i should never have a kid
i would throw them in too many activities, because i would want to give them opportunities, and open up all of their doors
id put them in some form of acrobatic, to gain balance and flexibility
get them a music instructor, so they could learn to read music
and an art class, so that they could lean to be creative, and that they can just be free and expressive
and whatever they wanted
weather it was a sport, or something educational, i would let them
so that they could achieve what they wanted to
and so they wouldn't be forced in to some group
so they could take all of their skills, and compile them into something they want
and so they can become who or what they want, and have almost no limitations

and in a way, to me, that is the perfect world
a world where you have no limitations
so you can be as free or as constricted as you like
so you can have the perfect balance of chaos and logic for you
so you could be happy, and i could be happy
as if we have all reached a state of ecstasy where we are all truly happy for who and what we are
so we always enjoy our company
so we are always happy
always want to live
always want to succeed
and always have something to hold on to
and realize that our future can become what we want it to be
because we are who we are
and we made ourselves who we are
because we got to experience all there was to experience when we were little


basically, im just one of those people, that thinks the world would be better my way
so feel free to tear this apart with all the negatives
because i already know what they are
and i choose to ignore them for the most part

but i know how people work
and i know how YOU work
and i know what YOU are thinking

so, come on and hit me with your best shot fuckers :)

motley crue

was amazing
i love them
still
and forever
and i love them
and they are amazing
and sexy
especially nikki sixx
and tommy lee
and nikki sixx
and nikki sixx
and nikki sixx
and nikki sixx
and tommy lee

i got a bajillion pics
mainly of nikki
because hes sexy
and i love him
and i was sad i didnt get a pic *tear*

and tommys drum roller coaster was insane
beyond insane

and vince it really photogenic
like all the pics i got of him were awesome

and mick looked really old
then again, i think hes the oldest in the band
and i wanna say nikki is the youngest
idk
but i do kno mick is older than nikki
by a few years



i think







and it was amazing
and i love them
and yea
amazinggggggg :DDDD





and i knew at leas the course to every song they played
except 1
and they played the 2 songs i realllllly wanted them to play :D

but they played all of their like 'best of' songs
so yea






i loves them:)<3

the drug in me is you

was on falling in reverses site
and im mad
because i hate it
they are all about craig
or his dad leaving
or hes just sounding like a cocky asshole
they all are a rip off of an old etf song
i hate it
and he said it was gonna b heavier that etf
but its not
its really popy
which i knew it would be
but i hate it

i mean, i hate all cds wen i first get them
maybe because i build up my expatations
so imma listen to this throuhg 2 or 3 more times
get ready for motley crue
then listen to motley crue and get geeked!
:)

warped tour

was awesome, of course

me and maranda realized we forgot the tickets so we had to go home and get them
we still got there a bit after 12
so its good

we followed a green subaru
and maranda got mad wen we cldnt see them
and her logic was that they were from dubois, so they must kno where they are going
despite the facts there were signs everywhere :p
and we had a gps just incase
i also thing we followd them because the guy in the trunk ninja flipped into the back, it was awesome

we got scammed by pop! fiction
but it wasnt that bad

and i saw the lady that runs the convince store dwn twn i always goto :D
i never knew she was a cop! haha

then there was a fir poster on the gorund
so i took it, naturally
its now sitting on my floor, in a bunch of crust peices
but i loves it

then we bought our set list things
the were $2 this year
realized there were some scheduled conflicts, but then got over it

then saw the composure
where i obsessed about johhny, of course he would be there!
and then maranda was like, did we see them
and i was like, no, but we saw him!
haha

then we had like an hr or so to kill
and bought merch

then we went dwn to the amphitheater to see i set my friends on fire
and they sang things that rhyme with orange, which is the only song i know by them
becides crank that calvery kid, four year forplay and sex ed, which were both something they did with smosh
and this short girl was fist pumping (but not the gay jersey shore way) and i was head banging
and her fist met my nose
that was fun

i saw the screamer dude later during the rain
and was going to go get my pic with him
but it looked like he was like having a moment with his gf
even tho idk if he has one
but itlooked like that

any whoooo
then we had more time to kill
so we sat in the grassss
and it rained and people clapped
then we walked around and saw gym class heros
and maranda and the chick infront of her were gonna like start killing ppl if travie wasnt there
he was

then we went to see mc larz and weerd science, bt first we spent the rest of the band that was playing b4 them set time in the rain tent
and got drenched
and then during their show it got all stormy and wat not
and during hot topic is not punk rock there was a mosh pit of like 3 ppl
which i find funny
becuase he is hip hop
and he had the guy from the ready set (i think) sing the course to the emo song, even tho idk the name of it
and i pretty much only know the course, lolz

then we went to 3oh!3 and the came out and were like go to the amphitheater because of the weather
and we did
and we sat in the rain, cuz we were already drenched
and the people in front of us kept asking people for black tar heroin
and the one chick was getting really mad and kept telling the guy to stop and said he was joking
i thought it was funny

then who ever was playing before anti flag announced that 3oh!3 was back on at 640
they got a 40 min set time
and then we left after the first anti flag song to see them
and they were awesome
but slightly too interactive
lolz
and there were 2 most pits
for 3oh! fucking 3
one to im not your boy friend
and i think the other one was to dont trust me
but ppl where like wtf?
and it happened for like 20 seconds with like 2 ppl then they stoped
and ppl where like wtf? then just filled in the circle
it was funnnnny

then we went back to tha amphitheater
and passed a sky lit drive playing
so i walked slowly so i could count it as seeing them :)

then wen we got there drugs was playing
i hate craig owens
i hate him even more with brown hair tho
and his wall of death fucking failed!
so it was funny for me
we all got squished, then he said go, and we all stay squished
but good thing
because i was like
do i do the wall of death, or not because i hate craig owens
idk y i hate him
but i do

i was ranting about hating crag mabbit, and someone gave me a dirty look
and i laughed

then big d and the kids table came on
and they played little bitch and noise complaint, which i know and love
and then played hell on earth :)
and during the last song david was all up in the crowd
and held my hand :)
and then i got their set list
and shoved it in my boob
then realized the devil wears prada was next
so i hid it in my bag

then we saw every avenue
which is who we thought was last so didnt move to the other half
and his most pit failed
because everyone was like herp de derp
but in his defense, hes not a band u mosh to

then the devil wears prada was on
and we died
it was awesome
michelle and katie made their way up to the front with me and maranda
and katie almost died D:
and it was awesome
and it was like the sum41 last year
where ur leg is surrounded by 8 ppl
theres someone between u and ur bag
ur elbow is in someones back and u dont kno who just groped u
fucking insane
and awesome
a crowd surfer like fell on my head
and pushed my hat
which wouldnt b bad
except this for my septum
and one dude fell on me
and if we wernt packed to tight, i wld have fell too
but yea
they played hey john wats ur name again
and i knew all the words to that song
and i didnt sing them, but i screamed them
and my voice is goneeeee

then we lost the car
and then we found it after like 20mins
and then there was traffic getting out cuz ppl are stupid
and one random person was waving
so i waved back then made a heart
then he stuck his hand out the window for a high five
so i just hit marandas window like 3 times
and then we left
and then it was fine
then we were at a dead stop for like a half hr
ppl were all out of their cars
and ppl were headbaning
so me and maranda blasted the drug in me is you and raised by wolves
and put dwn the windows
and the person next to us stuck himself out the window then smiled at us!
w00t

and then we started moving, and realized there was an accident
D:

and then went to red robin..yummmmmm
and ate
and our waiter was dumb
and was, idk, i wanted to punch him in the faceee!

and then i got my stuff at marandas
and her power was out
then i went home
and tld my dad about it
then unfloded my fir poster
and took my shirts out
and went to bed
thinking
wow, its already over, it didnt even seem like 12 hrs


and i woke up
and went on u tube
and looked at the pit reporters vid
i saw him during every ave! :D
and was like, fuck, y didnt i see that they had beer blets!?!??!?!
i always wanted oneee! D:
idk y tho, haha, just to have i guess

then i watched other videos
and saw the girl that was lke right infront of us during the devil wears prada and everything b4 them and the amphitheater
and it was really fucking good quality for a cell phone
then i uploaded my pics
and then i saw that fir was givving away a signed cd if u make ur profile pic the pic they had
and their cd is gonna b at target for 7.99 :)
and imma wear my fir shirt

but yea
imma rest all day today
then me and maradna are gonna rock our faces off of motley crue :)
and i cant talk alot today
cuz i NEEEED my voice for motley fucking cue
i got like 29 or 30hr till i see them, so i think im good :)
its tea timeee!:DDDD

finding out one of your friends

yes friends
not one of the people you hated or disliked

someone you actually talked to
and kinda hung out with a bit

and kept in contact with
thru freshmen year

has cancer
yes
that sucks

listening to his stories of stupid shit
and just everything that was awesome about it

and hes dying







wow




legit
i teared up
and a few tears fell



harsh











fuck this shit

coll coll

happy 16th birthday
im sorry i can't come to your party

but i am being forced to go camping
one day ill come over and we cane have our own party
and i pinkey promise it will be epic as hell :)


i hope that u have lots of fun today
and if its not better than last year i will end someone
because u deserve better than what happened last year


and as part as ur bday present
i am making u a promise
that promise is that no matter what people (like tatum) say, i promise we will still hang out next year, and the year after that and so on and so forth :)
you can hold me too that


btw, im sad that i can't make another bday video of u and title it cute kittens, even this time i think i would have called it adorable puppies, haha


any who, have an amazing day
and an amazing party
and an amazing over all birthday










and i love you :)
happy birthday<3




~Holli-olli-olli

worse thing bout my septum

i forgot its there then put pressure on it

and wne i try to twist it, if there is something on it
it hurts like a bitch
and there is almost always something on it

hence y i hate sneezing
even though it does that with out sneezing


damn nose x_x

RIP REV

i just can't get over his death
but people arn't truly dead until they are forgotten, and i know he'll remain in many people's hearts foREVer<3

600th post :)

soooooo
i have a secret


i really like mudslide crush
yes, yes, yes
i know, they are a fake band
in a disney movie
and their songs make them seems like cocky assholes
but i like them

i also like lemonade mouth



:)

just posting this so i can save it to my computer

 

the thing on my laptop for google main is gay and making me do this






blah
i hate google

rough nigh, my eyes are heavy, my stomach hurts, and im at a loss for words about everything.

i wld go into detail
but..

maybe just a bit
of course someone im not interested in what so ever would be so amazing and make me feel like im the world
and the person i am interested in makes me feel like im just there





people are stupid
and fyi, thats not the reason for my title
it was just the last thing that happened

all i wanna do is blog

and i really hit enter instead of tab
blah

i have a feeling im gonna actually do wat i wanna do and say wat i wanna say
or beat around the bush like a tend to do

i know im not gonna say what i want to say
because this is the internet
its public
and im not stupid


idk
i just got cut really deep by some words
words of my creation

well, a whole document
and more than one
particularly the words
"you know, seeing someone cry is my weakness
that got me before and hit me hard
i cried because i hurt someone that was hurting me
it was stupud
and i hated it"

i hate that i only feel safe venting to a notepad document
i hate that thats the best way for me to get over w.e
although i know it does nothing

i hate wen i do stupid shit
like why wld i make a long ass document
and y do i title it like its for someone

yes, i always remember who my documents are about
but, i guess there have been a few times


idk

i just wanna like come out and rant bout everthing
but i cnt

and i feel really guilty
because i feel like the people im closest to know me the least
maybe its just because im not stupid
or maybe its because im weird

i find it weird i can trust someone i literally just met, more than someone ive known for years
i find it weird that i trust guys more than girls
i find it weird that i randomly ALWAYS find my self tangled up in someone and their depression
and i hate when someone vents to me and all i can say is "i kno wat u mean"

i hate being the problem sovler
and i hate being the issue givver

i hate being brought down
and i hate feeling like im brinng people down

i hate when i wanna vent to someone
then they monolopize the convo bout them
i hate it
but thats what im drawn to
oddly

i hate that i have those times where im just a weak little grl
and it feels like im so easily manipulated
and i hate wen i point that out
and someone rants about how they wont do that
BUT buy them saying that they are doing it

i hate that atleast one of the full like 3 ppl that read this will tell me they agree or know what i mean

i hate being different
and i hate being the same

i hate that 80% of my life is just a giant contradiction

i hate that the world is a giant butt fuck of contradictions

and i hate that i hate everything

i hate that i hurt from laying at this awkward angel and typing, but wanna keep going

i hate that im random
and wen someone said wats up
i said laying in bed half naked and ranting bout how much i hate everything on my blog

i also hated that they had a response, and didnt leave it at that

i hate when someone asks whats wrong
i also say it feels like i have a broken heart
cuz wen im dwn like
thats wat i feel
its weird
idk

and i wldnt say its a broken heart
idk how to descibe it

its like a skunken heart
its like a oh shit my dreams are shatterd sunken heart
but its not
its like
the feeling u get in ur tummy wen u go over a whee bump
but in my heart
and its weird
its like a good feeling, but its not
its bittersweet
and stupid
and dumb
and sdfisdlfjsdlkfjsdflskd

i hate that when i smash the keyboard it can mean ne thing from im really hyper and excited to i swear to god imma kill every one last or u mother fuckers

i hate that i enjoy rating

and i also hate that i might not post this



i hate that i cant say some shit i wanna say
and i hate that when i type everything in here, i have one specific event or person in mind, but make it relate to everything at once



i hate that i keep saying i hate

i like mushrooms
because they have an awkward texture
and flavor
like olives

i hate that wen im dwn i either binge eat or dont eat nething

i hate how pretty my key board looks
just calling me to type more

i hate that i keep putting i hate
obviously u kno that i hate everything

i hate that im a sucker for attention
i like it
but to a certain extent

i hate that...i dnt even fucking know what i hate, but i know i hate it

i hate that ur not replying to my txts, and u like the reason i went on this goddamn rant!

i hate that im unsure if i believe in god or not
i just hate being unsure
i also hate being sure
because there is room for error

i hate the word perfect
that is my least favorite word in this whole forsaken universe
its like a myth
there is no such thing as perfect
ever
ever
ever ever ever

i hate when people think that they are too smart for love
or just dont believe in it
i believe that everyone can love
has loved
and will love

i believe in hope
and that everything happens for a reason
i wish everyone could see and understand those 2 beliefs of mine

then i believe everyone would be happier,
not even happier
but better
and more content

i dont believe that all you need is love
because there is a difference between whats real and whats fake
and i think that people need to see the difference

yet, idk y i think that i can tell
but i think i can
i have the feeling like i know between whats real and whats fake

and i only think there is one person i ever truley loved
and still do
since i first found them
till this day
and i refuse to tell ne one
because i know no matter who i tell
they will knock me down

and when i have an opinion
and i 100% true heatedly relive, know, and feel right
the worse thing you can do is tear me down
and i refuse to let any one touch me on this one
because im not ready to be challenged on it yet

so please dont guess
because you may, just to joke, but you may be right, and im not ready to crumble that far to the ground yet


i hold very few things close and dear but i hold those few little morals like one would hold their last breath of air before they slowly fade away

and now just thinking of said person makes me smile
and happy
and i feel like everything is going to be okay
and i want to cry, but happy tears
and i like it

and i dont want to be mad
i want to sleep in peace

so maybe i will post this
and this can be my happy ending <3





~The End :)<3

12/14/16

i <3 falling in reverse
hehe

thats y ive been listening to their songs alllllll day for the past like 3 or 4 days :)
imma listen to the cd so much its gonna break D:

sooooooo
i havent posted in like...a while
but thats my stupid schools fault! haha

im soooooooo excited for the 21-27
beauce
21-supposed to pick up my yearbook and go sticker shopping with maranda
22-WARPED TOUR BITCHES
23-moms bday, but mainly sleep
24-MOTLEY FUCKING CRUE
25-another day of slepp
26- Falling in Reverses compact disk comes out
27- i get to listen the ronnie all day :)



thehehehe
i get to listen to like all of my favorite people in like one week
and see all but one of them :DDDDDDD
well, i guess nit all of them
but alot of them
the important ones
haha


anywho
iz gotta get ready for jenns grad party
and switch the song :p
thehehehe


























p.s
i feel another countdown comming on
despite the face it will be like 18/20/22
and if those are the real days ill be soooooo happy
but im 98% sure they arnt

12/14/16
thehehehehehe
i haz a title