watch these...

http://www.keek.com/imxaxmuffin124/keeks/mHJbaab


http://www.keek.com/imxaxmuffin124/keeks/mHJbaab#wHJbaab



but in case you dont want to....
the one talks about how iv been procrastinating this paper for far to long because i always have the constant urge to creep on facebook and twitter
and how then, well i said 'drama', but it wasnt really drama
thats just the easiest way to phrase
and its something thats so stupid for me to get upset about
and then i got angry at people, which makes no sense
but its girl logic
like, i litterally started shaking with rage and sat there and drank cups of pomegranate tea [which is what i drink so i dont kill people as i have said before]
and that one along with the other kinda goes into the fact that im so addicted and caught up in stupid shit that its effecting my grades
which is bullshit and immature
and then i started getting all teary eyed because i dont think any one will ever under stand how much this scares me
like im terrified
i cant believe that im actually taking away something from myself thaidt litterally almost seems like my world in order to do something productive
idk what it is
but i never thought that i would ever be able to actually be that pissed off or be able to take life that seriously that i would take something like that away
and i mean, its not going to be forever
i just seriously need to get my shit on track
i do actually want to become something, eventually
which is also something i never thought i could take seriously

just the fact that im taking something this serious is freaking me out
idk if im finally getting mature, or if im finally opening my eyes, or if im dying, or just idk
but i cant tell you how much it scares the living fuck outta me
and idk if its that my procrastination issues finally got to me
or if its that random rage thing or what
i have no fucking clue
and idk what im doing
and here i am anyways, typing away, and expressing myself
but hell thats what i do, if i cut my self off completely id die
i like to vent and rant
thats just who i am

but i do it more here
because i feel like i annoy everyone on fb with my constant posts
and i think its weird that i actually had to deactivate them to stop myself from going on them
even tho i know that all i have to do it log on to reactivate them
i think its just that since its like they dont exist i dont have to worry about checking my notifications
as silly as it sounds
but its really depressing how connected to them i am
and it supises me that i actually have a real social life with how much im on them
idk
its all weird
and i kept sitting here saying that i should update my status saying im actually getting work done
but no one cares, and everyones sleeping, and i cant
i mean, i can
like i said all i have to do it log in to get them back
but still
idk
i already explained this
but idr if i said this, i got to the point where i almost started tearing down all of my posters and shit off my walls
thats another thing that freaked me the fuck out
but this is getting long
and i really need to work on this essay
and finish it
and maybe read for my classes
and start this other paper for a class
but i did however promise myself that i would write back to someone
because its been far too long since i have
so after my paper im doing that
then ill try to get other work done before brunch, if at all possible




and on a finial note
is it weird or normal that i really want to see who texts or calls me and confronts me about it
i mean im assuming jenn, maranda, krystal, and probably colleen will, but two of you are probably reading this, unless you read this after
i told 2 people that i suspected would ask, well, i was just kinda talking to the one
and i knew the other one would
because shes the type of person that will click on peoples profiles and scroll through everything and like it


anyways, i REALLY wanna see if i can not go on them for a full week, and i REALLY wanna see if anyone actually pays attention to my life enough to notice/care







on that note, im going to try to do some work...and for once, succeed at doing it without distractions...