My so called "life"

So you are pissed off and angry, and I don't know why.
You were fine till I said something about you taking my phone off the charger litterally right after I put it on the charger and said to be careful with it (since it unplugs super easily) and you acknowledged that.

And I'm clearly on my laptop typing, so you turn off the lights.
You put on music, I ask you what's wrong and if you are okay a few times.
Then get pissed off and say "okay, ignore me then, that always works."

I waited till the music faded away and asked again, I will admit I probably had an attitude since I  was pretty pissed off that you ignored me a few times, I even told you that I was trying to talk to you before and you just flipped out on me telling me that I didn't. So I guess since you either didn't hear me, or decided to ignore me that I made no effort.

 And of course you got more pissed off and turned the music up, oh yea, and you skipped a song I really like, and I know you did it on purpose, either that or you just did what you do so often and forgot that I was here, or exist, or have feelings and opinions. That's why when you ask me stuff and I say IDK you have no right to get pissed off. You are always doing things, even thought they are little, they seriously add up, that yomake me feel like don't care or think about me.

uggg, and I was just going to go in the other room and do my own thnig, but I know you would get all pissy and somehow make it my fault, and then I would say something and you'd say something along the lines of how I'm trying to make it about me or some bull shit.

I'm sick of this shit, like, I can't do anything right. And I always get everything turned against me, Always. You yell at me when I try to help you, you yell at me when I don't.

Perfect example, last week. You were in the kitchen sitting alone and I asked what was wrong when I went in there and you said nothing. So I assumed that you didn't want to talk and wanted to be left alone. But no, of course, I was wrong. You wanted me to sit there and badger you to get you to talk. But when I do that, I get yelled at.

I can never ever fucking win with you. I'm akways doing something wrong and it's always my fault. You always  twist my words and put words in my mouth.

So much of me wants to quit, give up on you, leave. I've thought about leaving way too many times, but I have no where to go, and no one to take me anywhere. I litterally lost all of my friends. so yea, thanks for that. I mean, it's not like it's your fault,but I would still have them if it wasn't for you. And I don't hold that against you, I love you. And they pretty much forced me to choose between them or you, and I followed my heart.

Basically, no matter how much I want to quit, give up, or leave, I won't. I love you too much, and I put so much into you and being with you it would be pointless and stupid to leave you. Plus, we need eachother. It's really in both of our best interest for me to stay. I know that, and you know that.

But I in no way feel 'obligated' to stay with you, I want to make that clear. It's my choice to stay with you. We are so perfect together, despite all the shit we put eachother through. And I know it'll all go back to normal soon. Once I start working it'll help, we will both have some time  away from eachother, which I know we both need, no matter what you say,it's just nattural. And with me working, we'll have more money. We can finially get you back on you meds, which is a huge factor to all of this. We always get bad when one of us isn't on our meds. And it actually pisses me off that when we had the money, I suggested to get your meds and you said no.

Some times you don't think, and neither do I. But you 'live in the moment' and 'live for now' way too much, you need to think about your actons and their consequences. You need to plan for the next day or week, not just worry about today. And I need to start voicing my opinion more.The reason I don't is because I want you to learn from your mistakes, and I feel like every time I do voice my opinion I get shit for it, and you get all pissed off so I just say w/e and we do it your way. One day you'll  learn, and I'm here to help and teach you.

That's one of the reasons why you need me. You don't even know it, but it's true. And, I mean, I need you to teach me too, but I feel like I teach you how to be an adult, and you teach me more 'common' sense things that you can pretty much only learn from experience.

Idk, I'm not tired of writing, I want to write more. But I just don't wanna keep going on about this becuase it's pointless. I mean, I'm probably not gonna read it to you anyways, it'll just start a fight. So yea. And it's annoying having to type like this, so I'm not re-reading it, or going back to fix any mistakes becaue it's too much of a fucking hassle.

I think I'm just gonna collect my shit, listen to my music, if I can hear it over yours that is, and write, or play games or something. or maybe watch you tube videos, something I haven't done in, probably a little over a year, so ummm, yea.

Maybe I'll write a new story, add to one of my old ones, or write something to you. I don't know yet...