please pray for me, don't let me go to waste

blank, purposeless blog
for how i feel




























just want to show you how i feel





and as an added note
for the sake of other people
i shouldn't go to school tomorrow..

please pray for me, don't let me go to waste

blank, purpously blog
for how i feel




























just want to show you how i feel





and as an added note
for the sake of other people
i shouldn't go to school tomorrow..

crappy re-peats in my brain

with the tears nearly rushing down my face

the make up runs

the face gets red

i feel embaraced

and like im you bitch

You don’t help

You never do

You only hurt

And that’s all you’ll EVER be capable to do!

You and your twisted demented ways

Telling me what I should do

Who I should be?

Who the fuck said you could do that?

Who said you could be my god?

Who said I would be you pawn?

No one, that’s who

So tell me why you think you can

Tell me why you tell me what I am

And why it’s wrong

Tell me what I did wrong

What I did to deserve this torment and torture

myspace about me

Hey, im holli

But you can call me muffin<3

I’m 16 years old

And over those years I’ve learned not to take life to seriously

I’m also perfectly fine with failure

I try to be unique, but in return get called scene or emo

I will fight for what I believe in, even if I know that it’s wrong

I think people that are straightedge are odd, and people that hardliners are fucking crazy

I swear, quite a lot

And it’s odd when I censor myself

I laugh at inappropriate times, and things for that matter

I also am immature

I constantly get song lyrics stuck in my head, and when I do I sing them

I’m a horrible singer

I have obsessions with weird things

Like columbine

My shoes rarely match

But my socks always have to

I like using smiles

I think that everything happens for a reason

Even though we can’t tell right away

When people say something to mine or some ones face I want to congratulate them for not being a pussy

I love spell check

Because I can’t spell worth shit

I am still unsure if there is a heaven and a hell

I went to a Catholic school for 9 years

It sucked ass

I ramble on a lot

I get confused too much

And my words all slur together

One of my favorite words is contradiction

And I’m really not sure why

I say worship and yahoo the wrong way

And it makes people laugh

So does me telling people that I got Tea bagged in Halo

I always say I need new friends

But I couldn’t imagine not having the ones I do

I can be overly sensitive

I punch walls when I’m pissed

I cry when I’m frustrated

I think Twilight and High School musical are the worst thing that could have possible poisoned the minds of millions of retarded people

I like talking to people on the phone, via text, IM, and e-mail

I hate talking on the phone

I have a tendency to fall for people easily

But I can also get over people quickly

And I don’t understand how people can’t get over someone

I hold grudges over stupid little things

And let go the more tragic things

I don’t cry when I remember sad or depressing things about the past

But I do when I remember the good times because I know that I may never have another moment like that

I walk in front of cars

And at times I really don’t value my life

I procrastinate

I think that I over react

But others disagree

I do intact kick guys in the balls

Often

I hate being touched

I quote songs in my daily life

And I love when people notice it

I enjoy when movies and shows say their title during the program

I resent hugs

But some people are an acceptation

If I became president I would edit the first amendment so that it had “people can act like douchebags in public to piss people off as long as others are getting enjoyment from it”

I hate politics and anything that has to do with them

I think anarchy would be the best political choice

But I know that it would crash and burn

Any illness can be fixed with a handful of Tylenol and music

Any intimate object can be fixed with duct tape

Music is my life

And I find it rather complex without it

My cell phones name is Nergal Crispin

And my MP3 players name is Ronnie Radke the 2^nd

Did I mention I am in love with Ronnie Radke?

I am a compulsive shirt reader

I have stopped videos to read someone’s shirt

I think I’m a masochist

I laugh when I get hurt

I’ve always wanted to learn how to skate board, stop on ice skates, and do parkour

I’m a “fanetick” speller

So I suck at spelling and spell check can’t really help

I hate reading

But love “The Heroin Diaries”, “Shooter”, and “Columbine”

I like to rick roll people

I like meeting new people and making new friends

So feel free to comment or message me

Or as for my screen name or number

some one should define what a best friend is

because i've always thought i had a few

but according to some people you can only have one
and according to some peoples definitions, it made me realize that i may not even have one

i think i suffer from depression...

Symptoms of Depression

# You feel miserable and sad.

# You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy .

# You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.

# You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or
may 'comfort eat' to excess.
# You feel very anxious sometimes.

# You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel
hard or impossible.

# You find it difficult to think clearly.

# You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time.

# You feel a burden to others.

# You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.

# You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is
make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do.

# You feel irritable or angry more than usual.

# You feel you have no confidence.

# You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or
what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes
about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).

# You feel that life is unfair.

# You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep
again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams.

# You feel that life has/is 'passing you by.'

# You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause,
such as back pain.

the bold ones are the once i agree with

and looking at some of my posts just support them

=\

then again, i've always thought i was depressed

but never really admitted it..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 any ways

im proably gonna go over maranda's tomorrow

for her family's thanks giving xD

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

looking back on my blogs from the past week or so

i hate ringold
and established that he is the reason i hate school and am constantly miserable there

AND

that im falling for someone...
and i kinda dnt want to be
=|
soooooooooooooo... fml?

some times i feel like...

there is no point to my life
not just life in general
mine
like, i was meant to be doing something different
like who i am and what i do i not my destiny
but purely a mistake

i think deeply sometimes
then over react
so i continue
it's just who i am
unfortunately

im still really pissed that i forgot my monologue
but i guess that's what happens once you poison you mind with enough garbage
you actually forget the semi important/useful things

but may i say, research was pretty funn today
and it was the most fun i could have with out getting kicked out
but hell, i guess that wat happens when you in a room filled with people like you

by that i mean::
slackers
people that dont give a shit
people that change their topics
people with ADD [or at least seems like it]
and overall failures
xD
haha,yupp, thats me alright!

you got my heart in a head lock

the feeling is such an amazing band

anywho
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want thanksgiving to come
x_x

really don't feel like doing anything

im in on of those states where something as basic feels like a chore
i dnt have the urge to move, or eat, or drink, of get tylenol

all i want to do is sit here
and be a useless lump

partially because im tired
and partially because i feel lost in a place i felt comfort

-----------------------------------------------------
although it's not apparent
things and people change
more dramatically than you could ever expect

-----------------------------------------------------
i need to yell at some one
well two people
one because i cnt understand how they can be in love with the bitch of a person they are in love with, well, maybe use to be
and the other cuz some one said something that made it seem like they are telling this said person something that was supposed to stay between the two of us, and ONLY the TWO of this

-----------------------------------------------------
my thoughts and memories haunt me
i never said i was proud of the things i've done
i never said i'm proud of what i am
i never said i was proud of what i have becaome
i never said i was proud of what i use to be
but sometimes you have to roll with it
you get beat down
and you have to re-build your self
and when you as use to failure and disappointment as i am this becomes a daily task
---------------------------------------------------------

im so confused
but ill be the one to let go
you have one
and i come out the looser
but i will graciously hand you the crown
as you take the sought trophy out of my grasp
i will fall
and crash
scatter over the floor
into a million pieces
but don't waste your time picking me
i will be much more content under the carpeting in your heaven
and in the deepest pit of my hell
just please, do me one favor
keep that trophy shiny and clean
and if it slips
maybe it will drop
and it's pieces will be mixed together with me
<3
------------------------------------------------------
a million points to the person that can figure out who this is about
excluding me

-------------------------------------------------------
well i guess thats all
for now
maybe ill catch some sleep tonight
and jump into my twisted reality

random facts that no one else probably cares about...

im wearing fishnets under my pants
xD
rob zombie is only 4ft 3!!!

haha
that was it
soooooooooooo
yea, peace out!

అండ్ యువర్ గోనే <౩ అస్ హార్డ్ అస్ ఐ ట్రై ఐ విల్ నెవెర్ బె అబ్లె తో ఫోర్గేట్ యు!

im back in reality, i think
but these incidents will not erase
you will always linger in my memories
thoughts of you will scurry in my head like little rats
i will do what i must to poison these rats
and kill them off
soon they will be dead
and so will i
then that's where true happiness will lie
i will no longer have to forget you
your voice
your face
your laugh
because we will be untied again
and time we will create an unstoppable force
just me and you
reaking havoc all around the globe
spawning annoyance every where we go

వ్హిస్కెయ్ హన్గోవేర్

blah, i changed my language
or something
so that says "Whiskey Hangover"

but i didnt help my team finish the COMAP thing
because "i didn't wake up" according to my parents
then i was going to sleep over jenns
and that turned in to a huge ass fight
so now i'm sitting in my room blasting music
underoath is playing
and it made me calm
=]

but, w/e
you know what im thinking...
=\

there's blood on my hands like the blood in you

im really tired
and think i may just pass up
and wake up in 10 or 11 hrs
and get ready
then go over trevors
the do comap stuff
then..yea

haha

i really have nothing to say
i just really wanted to make those lyrics into a post

xD

i use to never dram but now i only have nightmares

i think i already made a post called that
anywho
COMAP tomorrow
then no light- up night D=
then home, sleep, wake up go back to trevors house
and more COMAP
and then come home and be dieing for sleep but go over jenns xD
then hang out with her

BUT!
before COMAP
get up a bit before 5
get ready
then call and see if jess is up xD
then go to the park
and swing while waiting for the bus xD
and hang out with her till 7:30ish
muhahahahahaha

blah
i should sleep now
because im gonna die tomorrow

im gonna need a shitload of coffee
maybe ill get like a rip it or something xD

yea
ummm
i need to charge my mp3 player
and its taking FOREVER!!!!
but thats kay
cuz the battery lasts a million years xD

and my feets hurt
x_x
too much walking in 2 days
haha

but tuesday has opened my eyes to the start of a new, less boring, life xD
thank you world

yea, it's not over, were done. let's show this world just what we've become

blah
college tours were yesterday
and i went to allegeny and theil [with is pronounced teal, not th-eel x_x]
but anywho
they wernt that bad
i just was feeling EXTREMELY sick on the bus x_x
just glad i didnt barf
that would of been bad

that song is stuck in my head
and those particular lines

tomorrow COMAP
and light up night
but
cuz of COMAP
i cant goto light up night =O
haha
o wellz

ummmmmmmm

my sophmore said we can no longer be lovers
D=
cuz im friends with some one she hates
all-in-all i think its pretty damn restarted
but, hell, ill go with it

blah blah blah blah

my body feels really calm
but my mind is flipping out
what else is new?
my mind always disagrees with everthing else

i got kicked out of research tuesday
again
so now my workforce is gonna b a C
and if i get kicked out again its gonna b a D
but i was tlking to my one principle dude and i think im gonna b changing my topic
and i really liked his idea about the minds of people
like, how they think
and what makes them who they are
idk, it just sounds cool
xD

anywho
i gotz to get to classssss
peace (^_^)Y

blah blah blah

iv'e been thinking
and yea



i need to practice my adution piece for drama
blah
im still pissed at my teacher for saying i couldnt do theplayinmyhead
because it was emo
and that's how i've been acting latley
then he mentioned columbine
then hes like "freak me out"
so i mentioned cold blooded murder
and he said yes
little does he know that i feel more like this one
wat do i mean know, it sld say pay the fuck attention
gawd, this one gets into a murders mind
which is the actually reason i like columbine
so he can suck it

but yea
thats all i guess

it really pisses me off to know that

there is a vegan, straightedge punk band
at least they arnt a fuck the government punk band
or that would be hilarious
yet they are classifided as "hardcore punk"
that baffles me

who ever said they are hardcore punk is a retard
because that are not
and it's not just the straightedge vegan thing
it's the music
i call them punk rock
because that is was they are
i think it should be rock punk though
because they are more rock than punk
but NO WHERE NEAR HARDCORE PUNK
gawd, this makes me wonder what other bands are considered hardcore punk

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardcore_punk
wikipedia is fucking retarded
and now i remember why i hate it so very much

by the way rise against can officially suck it
except the drummer
because "they are a straightened vegan group, besides the drummer because drummers rock"

and how can you be hardcore and straightedge
it
makes
no
fucking
sense
that's like walking around saying your a vegan wearing a leather jacket
or telling people to go green while driving a hummer
protesting against plan parent hood after getting an abortion

its wrong
and stupid

soooooooo...

maybe i do, maybe i dont
im really unsure how i feel

it's such an awkward feeling tho...
i kinda actually despise it

to let my feelings be known
or to confine them

it's a hard choice...

la la la la la la la la la la

i voted, the I drive one
i went to the concert, the I drive one
and i hope i can go to their other concert
because they are pretty kick ass
and saosin is gonna be there
and pos [blah]
and eye alska [okay]
and innerpartysystem [pretty good]
sooooooooo, i need moneys
and some one to go with,
thats most likley maranda xD

COMAP
well, its called something differnt
but its the same concept... i think
it was pretty epic last year, and team star is going to be reunited again ftw

thanksgiving = blah
unless jenn can come over im probably going to spend it in my room, on my computer
because i hate my family
and cuz my parents are being douches about the holidays so i rather just stay out of the way till like new years
because the holidays between Halloween and New Years eve pretty much suck saggy old grandpa balls

ive been sick
incase any one cares
and i have LOVE written on my arms
and im gonna throw a bitch fit it i get yelled at to wash it off
because i like doing that
xD
it accomplishes nothing really, but i get enjoyment from it xD
but i only wanna go to school because of that and i have to do a stupid simulation x_x
so imma see if i can go home early
but id hate to get ready just to be a school for like 3 hrs then go home
but bla, i hate being sick and miserable there
and there at general
what else is new?

so i think iv figured out why people commit crimes that would get them thrown in jail for a few years
its because they are suicidal, but cant manage to kill themselves
so they figure they should just go in jail for a few years and hope things are different when they get out
im not quite sure how i quite came to that conclution, but i did
so thats all that matters
xD

ummmmmmm...thinking
thinkink
thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
ding ding ding, my mind thought of something
but i dont know if i quite want to put it here
because i dont really put EVERYTHING here, just most stuff
and usually when im pissed off
soooooo

OH!!!! i had this really odd dream the other day
so for some odd reason the band forever the sickest kids were at my house
and some random no name band that had 2 ppl in it
so yea, they were all at my house, and all i can remember is that i went up to my room to get a pair of jeans for them to sign
and i had a specific pair in mind because it was the same pair as someone in the no name band have
and they werent even like pants
it was like a belt with wat looked like half of the legs on jeans comming down
any who, it took me like 20 mins to find them
and i came dwnstairs and they were in their car ready to leave
so i ran out my door and said "wait!!!" then went to their car and said "will u guys sign my pants" and i was like super sky about it, lolz [random no important details]
and kyle burns <3


but i think im still marrying jacky!

i mean, he just looks way more bad ass
plus, hes in a band with ronnie radke <3

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need.

yes, I just quotes Jonas Brothers

So wat?

Haha

I cnt help that I actually like their older stuff!!!!

But any whosel…

Today is the concert for battle of the bands, and im geeked! Lolz xD

And I found out what the I in The I Drive stands for

International

Personally I like The I Drive better than The International Drive

Lolz

This reminds me of when I found out was AFI stood for

I was all like “holy fucking crap!!! A fire inside!!!!”

I like a fire inside, it sounds less emo

But then again, there are a lot of bands that do that and people refer to them as that than their real name, like AAR of FOB

But maybe im the only one that calls fall out boy that

They suck

With an exception of where is ur boy tonight, I <3>

xD

fuck my life

this worthless void of existence
pointlessness

just kill me, and be on your way
i wish i could do it my self, but as week as i am, im not weak enough

i just wanna collapse and have that be then end


ugg, that's all i fell like typing atm

stripping my room of personality

i seriously just took everything off the indside of my door
looked at it
and cried
then proceed to take off more stuff on a wall away from it just to turn around and see my empty door staring at me

im not sure if its more depressing that i have to take EVERYTHING off of my walls,
or that im actually crying about it
=\

100th post!!!!

woooooooohooooooooo!!!!!!
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woooooooooo hooooooooo!
yay!

so pissed

because my computer needs to be re colned tomorrow because it's a piece of fucking shit
so i need to re-set ALL of my passwords and user names
Re- download all of my fire fox crap
did i mention that there is this app that lets u save websites to, kind of like easy bib but with out citations
and i need to re do all of my book marks
fml
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fuck my fucking life to hell
x_x