i always wanted a lemonaid stand!

i think this is a semi-appropriate time for a flashback and future type rant
in away i think it should wait until a little later
but hell

there's never a wrong time for anything

WARNING:
this is going to be a mess of my thoughts

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I always say that "everything happens for a reason
although it may not be obvious at the moment it happens"
this has gotten me through so much shit in my life, obviously preferably bad

for example:
i believe that the person that introduced me to something made my life amazing, even though they later turned out to destroy me mentally
if they did no introduce me to said thing, i would not have met you
one of the most amazing person in the world
and in return, you helped me get through shit that the person that made me meet you put me through

if that made sense
you were a no one, a complete stranger, became one of my closest friends in the world
one of the two people my "i love you" post was about

the other person, i once called my everything
and i do love him dearly, and i do love the people that caused me to meet you
it makes me kinda of, happy, to know that two people that mean so much to me weren't even my happening to meet them
another funny thing, the same person aided in my meeting of both of these people because he knew them before me
then again, there is just a really long winding chain with this friendship
and i could branch off on to a rant about everything that happened between me and this mutual person
and then a rant about how i met him
and how i met him

and in away, both of these people can be traced to one person
someone that i went from loving, to hating, to not minding
i wish i could be brave enough to just come out and use detail
and use names
and be specific
but i never will
and if you ask me who these people are, or anything of the like
i wont tell you

back to the original topic
at first i hated the fact we were basically torn apart against both of our wills
and now, just now, just today, a little bit ago
i realized why
for both of us actually
for me, its because i need less distractions in my life at this time
this is also why fate brought us together, in the sense that we actually knew and talk to each other, and that we actually clicked
on the other hand, i think that i know why it happened of your part
and im afraid to say the next thing will give away who you are
so i wont say it
but ill be really cliche and generic, because im good at it
but i think it is to better yourself as well
and im okay with this
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i know that this is going to be long
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some time i think it would be nice to live via technology
because the way the world is
that's all we really need
i can make friends and answer all of lives questions

i really wouldn't mind blogging being my only for of outside conversation
actually i would
but with texting and facebook and shit like that
i could happily live a sheltered little life

speaking of sheltered lives, only two, maybe three people have ever heard my plan
the two up there and someone else
the crazy third person though that i was including him in my plan and got mad that i insulted him
but i never had him in my plan
maybe someone kind of like him

i feel guilty posting this
ranting about these two people
on in which im pretty sure never read my blog
and the other in which im sure doesnt read it anymore
but once upon a time he did
maybe ill ask him to read it again
i just did
and hello if you are reading this
and sorry i keep texting you at 4:30am and 6:15am
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i wrote this in my phone a while ago
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i remember like it was yesterday...their house smelt like hamburger helper and dog piss...they didnt have a yard, so the room off to the right of their kitchen was their dogs bathroom...althought i
dont remember her name, we were best friends. after school id go over and see if she was outside. i actually think they told me their garage password. now that i think of it, im pretty sure there was
never a car in there. the stairs scared me shitless. all crappy and wooden with no backs...i always hated those. its weird how i can remember almost every aspect of their house. but cant remember their
faces or names.sometimes i just sit and think about how certain events shaped my life and me as a person..and what they added or took away from me...if i didnt meet this person how wld i b? if i didnt
do these things where wld i b? i also like to go back and this of how i was b4 them and how i found them. for example...if i never decided to listen to hero herion, would i have had this obsession with columbine...and how wld i b if i didnt have it. what if i never was creeping on someones myspace and heard cellar by etf...wld i still love ronnie? whould i even know who etf was? wat if i didnt go to city high? who wld i b...and one of the most frequently questions i ask myself...what if i would have went to carmolt instead of st annes?
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this one too, i wonder if this person read my blog more than once..
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dont put me on a pedistole
because i hate it
sure, i love hearing all those amazingly sweet things you say to me and about me
and yes, you always make me smile
but i hate it because i am not what you say i am
nor will i ever be

dnt build me up
so someone else can knock me down
knock me dwn to where i belong
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well..
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my mom will be waking up in about 8, and i really didnt say what i wanted too
story of my life i guess..

btw, i love the name parchanko! :D<3