online

today
yay
----------------------------------
i wrote a few new songs
but they all suck
story of my life
imma try to write a good one
like, ppl say they are good
mainly my "live with out u" one
but
meh
i like this one i wrote, but i for got the name
it was a long irrelavate title tho
sooooo
yea
ill write a good one soon xD
yea
ummmm
fuck grad project
peace loves

people are retards

who breaks up withsome one over e-mail
then proposes to them 2 days later
after saying they dnt love them
and who says yes
after spending 2 days crying
and saying the regreted being with them
come on people
really???
-----------------------------
any ways
i noticed that i had 123 posts
xD
that made my day
=D
----------------------------
i just got done with my cult lit final
x_x
now i have to type 2 papers in e-portfolio
oh joy
x_x
----------------------------
today i find out if i keep my laptop or not
sooooooooo
i hope its a yes
so i can pick a new topic for grad project
and wat not
----------------------------
blah blah blah blah
californacation is one of my fave songs
and idky
it just kinda is..
----------------------------
im supposed to be getting ne glasses today...
i want to keep mine
but my moms making me ger new ones because they are al ready paid for
grrrrr
shes getting new ones
and she got new ones last friggin year
and i dnt want new ones
because they are all ugly
besides some of the plastic ones
but i kno id break them
and get called 'emo' of 'scene' with them
x_x
fml
ill probably just look for ones exactly like these ones
=D
or ask, since i HAVE to get new ones, if i can get new lenses in these ones too
xD
win for me
i hope
---------------------------------
blah blah blah
i have nothing to do...

please pray for me, don't let me go to waste

blank, purposeless blog
for how i feel




























just want to show you how i feel





and as an added note
for the sake of other people
i shouldn't go to school tomorrow..

please pray for me, don't let me go to waste

blank, purpously blog
for how i feel




























just want to show you how i feel





and as an added note
for the sake of other people
i shouldn't go to school tomorrow..

crappy re-peats in my brain

with the tears nearly rushing down my face

the make up runs

the face gets red

i feel embaraced

and like im you bitch

You don’t help

You never do

You only hurt

And that’s all you’ll EVER be capable to do!

You and your twisted demented ways

Telling me what I should do

Who I should be?

Who the fuck said you could do that?

Who said you could be my god?

Who said I would be you pawn?

No one, that’s who

So tell me why you think you can

Tell me why you tell me what I am

And why it’s wrong

Tell me what I did wrong

What I did to deserve this torment and torture

myspace about me

Hey, im holli

But you can call me muffin<3

I’m 16 years old

And over those years I’ve learned not to take life to seriously

I’m also perfectly fine with failure

I try to be unique, but in return get called scene or emo

I will fight for what I believe in, even if I know that it’s wrong

I think people that are straightedge are odd, and people that hardliners are fucking crazy

I swear, quite a lot

And it’s odd when I censor myself

I laugh at inappropriate times, and things for that matter

I also am immature

I constantly get song lyrics stuck in my head, and when I do I sing them

I’m a horrible singer

I have obsessions with weird things

Like columbine

My shoes rarely match

But my socks always have to

I like using smiles

I think that everything happens for a reason

Even though we can’t tell right away

When people say something to mine or some ones face I want to congratulate them for not being a pussy

I love spell check

Because I can’t spell worth shit

I am still unsure if there is a heaven and a hell

I went to a Catholic school for 9 years

It sucked ass

I ramble on a lot

I get confused too much

And my words all slur together

One of my favorite words is contradiction

And I’m really not sure why

I say worship and yahoo the wrong way

And it makes people laugh

So does me telling people that I got Tea bagged in Halo

I always say I need new friends

But I couldn’t imagine not having the ones I do

I can be overly sensitive

I punch walls when I’m pissed

I cry when I’m frustrated

I think Twilight and High School musical are the worst thing that could have possible poisoned the minds of millions of retarded people

I like talking to people on the phone, via text, IM, and e-mail

I hate talking on the phone

I have a tendency to fall for people easily

But I can also get over people quickly

And I don’t understand how people can’t get over someone

I hold grudges over stupid little things

And let go the more tragic things

I don’t cry when I remember sad or depressing things about the past

But I do when I remember the good times because I know that I may never have another moment like that

I walk in front of cars

And at times I really don’t value my life

I procrastinate

I think that I over react

But others disagree

I do intact kick guys in the balls

Often

I hate being touched

I quote songs in my daily life

And I love when people notice it

I enjoy when movies and shows say their title during the program

I resent hugs

But some people are an acceptation

If I became president I would edit the first amendment so that it had “people can act like douchebags in public to piss people off as long as others are getting enjoyment from it”

I hate politics and anything that has to do with them

I think anarchy would be the best political choice

But I know that it would crash and burn

Any illness can be fixed with a handful of Tylenol and music

Any intimate object can be fixed with duct tape

Music is my life

And I find it rather complex without it

My cell phones name is Nergal Crispin

And my MP3 players name is Ronnie Radke the 2^nd

Did I mention I am in love with Ronnie Radke?

I am a compulsive shirt reader

I have stopped videos to read someone’s shirt

I think I’m a masochist

I laugh when I get hurt

I’ve always wanted to learn how to skate board, stop on ice skates, and do parkour

I’m a “fanetick” speller

So I suck at spelling and spell check can’t really help

I hate reading

But love “The Heroin Diaries”, “Shooter”, and “Columbine”

I like to rick roll people

I like meeting new people and making new friends

So feel free to comment or message me

Or as for my screen name or number

some one should define what a best friend is

because i've always thought i had a few

but according to some people you can only have one
and according to some peoples definitions, it made me realize that i may not even have one

i think i suffer from depression...

Symptoms of Depression

# You feel miserable and sad.

# You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy .

# You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.

# You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or
may 'comfort eat' to excess.
# You feel very anxious sometimes.

# You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel
hard or impossible.

# You find it difficult to think clearly.

# You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time.

# You feel a burden to others.

# You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.

# You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is
make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do.

# You feel irritable or angry more than usual.

# You feel you have no confidence.

# You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or
what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes
about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).

# You feel that life is unfair.

# You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep
again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams.

# You feel that life has/is 'passing you by.'

# You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause,
such as back pain.

the bold ones are the once i agree with

and looking at some of my posts just support them

=\

then again, i've always thought i was depressed

but never really admitted it..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 any ways

im proably gonna go over maranda's tomorrow

for her family's thanks giving xD

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

looking back on my blogs from the past week or so

i hate ringold
and established that he is the reason i hate school and am constantly miserable there

AND

that im falling for someone...
and i kinda dnt want to be
=|
soooooooooooooo... fml?

some times i feel like...

there is no point to my life
not just life in general
mine
like, i was meant to be doing something different
like who i am and what i do i not my destiny
but purely a mistake

i think deeply sometimes
then over react
so i continue
it's just who i am
unfortunately

im still really pissed that i forgot my monologue
but i guess that's what happens once you poison you mind with enough garbage
you actually forget the semi important/useful things

but may i say, research was pretty funn today
and it was the most fun i could have with out getting kicked out
but hell, i guess that wat happens when you in a room filled with people like you

by that i mean::
slackers
people that dont give a shit
people that change their topics
people with ADD [or at least seems like it]
and overall failures
xD
haha,yupp, thats me alright!

you got my heart in a head lock

the feeling is such an amazing band

anywho
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want to be at school
i dont want thanksgiving to come
x_x

really don't feel like doing anything

im in on of those states where something as basic feels like a chore
i dnt have the urge to move, or eat, or drink, of get tylenol

all i want to do is sit here
and be a useless lump

partially because im tired
and partially because i feel lost in a place i felt comfort

-----------------------------------------------------
although it's not apparent
things and people change
more dramatically than you could ever expect

-----------------------------------------------------
i need to yell at some one
well two people
one because i cnt understand how they can be in love with the bitch of a person they are in love with, well, maybe use to be
and the other cuz some one said something that made it seem like they are telling this said person something that was supposed to stay between the two of us, and ONLY the TWO of this

-----------------------------------------------------
my thoughts and memories haunt me
i never said i was proud of the things i've done
i never said i'm proud of what i am
i never said i was proud of what i have becaome
i never said i was proud of what i use to be
but sometimes you have to roll with it
you get beat down
and you have to re-build your self
and when you as use to failure and disappointment as i am this becomes a daily task
---------------------------------------------------------

im so confused
but ill be the one to let go
you have one
and i come out the looser
but i will graciously hand you the crown
as you take the sought trophy out of my grasp
i will fall
and crash
scatter over the floor
into a million pieces
but don't waste your time picking me
i will be much more content under the carpeting in your heaven
and in the deepest pit of my hell
just please, do me one favor
keep that trophy shiny and clean
and if it slips
maybe it will drop
and it's pieces will be mixed together with me
<3
------------------------------------------------------
a million points to the person that can figure out who this is about
excluding me

-------------------------------------------------------
well i guess thats all
for now
maybe ill catch some sleep tonight
and jump into my twisted reality

random facts that no one else probably cares about...

im wearing fishnets under my pants
xD
rob zombie is only 4ft 3!!!

haha
that was it
soooooooooooo
yea, peace out!

అండ్ యువర్ గోనే <౩ అస్ హార్డ్ అస్ ఐ ట్రై ఐ విల్ నెవెర్ బె అబ్లె తో ఫోర్గేట్ యు!

im back in reality, i think
but these incidents will not erase
you will always linger in my memories
thoughts of you will scurry in my head like little rats
i will do what i must to poison these rats
and kill them off
soon they will be dead
and so will i
then that's where true happiness will lie
i will no longer have to forget you
your voice
your face
your laugh
because we will be untied again
and time we will create an unstoppable force
just me and you
reaking havoc all around the globe
spawning annoyance every where we go

వ్హిస్కెయ్ హన్గోవేర్

blah, i changed my language
or something
so that says "Whiskey Hangover"

but i didnt help my team finish the COMAP thing
because "i didn't wake up" according to my parents
then i was going to sleep over jenns
and that turned in to a huge ass fight
so now i'm sitting in my room blasting music
underoath is playing
and it made me calm
=]

but, w/e
you know what im thinking...
=\

there's blood on my hands like the blood in you

im really tired
and think i may just pass up
and wake up in 10 or 11 hrs
and get ready
then go over trevors
the do comap stuff
then..yea

haha

i really have nothing to say
i just really wanted to make those lyrics into a post

xD

i use to never dram but now i only have nightmares

i think i already made a post called that
anywho
COMAP tomorrow
then no light- up night D=
then home, sleep, wake up go back to trevors house
and more COMAP
and then come home and be dieing for sleep but go over jenns xD
then hang out with her

BUT!
before COMAP
get up a bit before 5
get ready
then call and see if jess is up xD
then go to the park
and swing while waiting for the bus xD
and hang out with her till 7:30ish
muhahahahahaha

blah
i should sleep now
because im gonna die tomorrow

im gonna need a shitload of coffee
maybe ill get like a rip it or something xD

yea
ummm
i need to charge my mp3 player
and its taking FOREVER!!!!
but thats kay
cuz the battery lasts a million years xD

and my feets hurt
x_x
too much walking in 2 days
haha

but tuesday has opened my eyes to the start of a new, less boring, life xD
thank you world

yea, it's not over, were done. let's show this world just what we've become

blah
college tours were yesterday
and i went to allegeny and theil [with is pronounced teal, not th-eel x_x]
but anywho
they wernt that bad
i just was feeling EXTREMELY sick on the bus x_x
just glad i didnt barf
that would of been bad

that song is stuck in my head
and those particular lines

tomorrow COMAP
and light up night
but
cuz of COMAP
i cant goto light up night =O
haha
o wellz

ummmmmmmm

my sophmore said we can no longer be lovers
D=
cuz im friends with some one she hates
all-in-all i think its pretty damn restarted
but, hell, ill go with it

blah blah blah blah

my body feels really calm
but my mind is flipping out
what else is new?
my mind always disagrees with everthing else

i got kicked out of research tuesday
again
so now my workforce is gonna b a C
and if i get kicked out again its gonna b a D
but i was tlking to my one principle dude and i think im gonna b changing my topic
and i really liked his idea about the minds of people
like, how they think
and what makes them who they are
idk, it just sounds cool
xD

anywho
i gotz to get to classssss
peace (^_^)Y

blah blah blah

iv'e been thinking
and yea



i need to practice my adution piece for drama
blah
im still pissed at my teacher for saying i couldnt do theplayinmyhead
because it was emo
and that's how i've been acting latley
then he mentioned columbine
then hes like "freak me out"
so i mentioned cold blooded murder
and he said yes
little does he know that i feel more like this one
wat do i mean know, it sld say pay the fuck attention
gawd, this one gets into a murders mind
which is the actually reason i like columbine
so he can suck it

but yea
thats all i guess

it really pisses me off to know that

there is a vegan, straightedge punk band
at least they arnt a fuck the government punk band
or that would be hilarious
yet they are classifided as "hardcore punk"
that baffles me

who ever said they are hardcore punk is a retard
because that are not
and it's not just the straightedge vegan thing
it's the music
i call them punk rock
because that is was they are
i think it should be rock punk though
because they are more rock than punk
but NO WHERE NEAR HARDCORE PUNK
gawd, this makes me wonder what other bands are considered hardcore punk

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardcore_punk
wikipedia is fucking retarded
and now i remember why i hate it so very much

by the way rise against can officially suck it
except the drummer
because "they are a straightened vegan group, besides the drummer because drummers rock"

and how can you be hardcore and straightedge
it
makes
no
fucking
sense
that's like walking around saying your a vegan wearing a leather jacket
or telling people to go green while driving a hummer
protesting against plan parent hood after getting an abortion

its wrong
and stupid

soooooooo...

maybe i do, maybe i dont
im really unsure how i feel

it's such an awkward feeling tho...
i kinda actually despise it

to let my feelings be known
or to confine them

it's a hard choice...

la la la la la la la la la la

i voted, the I drive one
i went to the concert, the I drive one
and i hope i can go to their other concert
because they are pretty kick ass
and saosin is gonna be there
and pos [blah]
and eye alska [okay]
and innerpartysystem [pretty good]
sooooooooo, i need moneys
and some one to go with,
thats most likley maranda xD

COMAP
well, its called something differnt
but its the same concept... i think
it was pretty epic last year, and team star is going to be reunited again ftw

thanksgiving = blah
unless jenn can come over im probably going to spend it in my room, on my computer
because i hate my family
and cuz my parents are being douches about the holidays so i rather just stay out of the way till like new years
because the holidays between Halloween and New Years eve pretty much suck saggy old grandpa balls

ive been sick
incase any one cares
and i have LOVE written on my arms
and im gonna throw a bitch fit it i get yelled at to wash it off
because i like doing that
xD
it accomplishes nothing really, but i get enjoyment from it xD
but i only wanna go to school because of that and i have to do a stupid simulation x_x
so imma see if i can go home early
but id hate to get ready just to be a school for like 3 hrs then go home
but bla, i hate being sick and miserable there
and there at general
what else is new?

so i think iv figured out why people commit crimes that would get them thrown in jail for a few years
its because they are suicidal, but cant manage to kill themselves
so they figure they should just go in jail for a few years and hope things are different when they get out
im not quite sure how i quite came to that conclution, but i did
so thats all that matters
xD

ummmmmmm...thinking
thinkink
thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
ding ding ding, my mind thought of something
but i dont know if i quite want to put it here
because i dont really put EVERYTHING here, just most stuff
and usually when im pissed off
soooooo

OH!!!! i had this really odd dream the other day
so for some odd reason the band forever the sickest kids were at my house
and some random no name band that had 2 ppl in it
so yea, they were all at my house, and all i can remember is that i went up to my room to get a pair of jeans for them to sign
and i had a specific pair in mind because it was the same pair as someone in the no name band have
and they werent even like pants
it was like a belt with wat looked like half of the legs on jeans comming down
any who, it took me like 20 mins to find them
and i came dwnstairs and they were in their car ready to leave
so i ran out my door and said "wait!!!" then went to their car and said "will u guys sign my pants" and i was like super sky about it, lolz [random no important details]
and kyle burns <3


but i think im still marrying jacky!

i mean, he just looks way more bad ass
plus, hes in a band with ronnie radke <3

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need.

yes, I just quotes Jonas Brothers

So wat?

Haha

I cnt help that I actually like their older stuff!!!!

But any whosel…

Today is the concert for battle of the bands, and im geeked! Lolz xD

And I found out what the I in The I Drive stands for

International

Personally I like The I Drive better than The International Drive

Lolz

This reminds me of when I found out was AFI stood for

I was all like “holy fucking crap!!! A fire inside!!!!”

I like a fire inside, it sounds less emo

But then again, there are a lot of bands that do that and people refer to them as that than their real name, like AAR of FOB

But maybe im the only one that calls fall out boy that

They suck

With an exception of where is ur boy tonight, I <3>

xD

fuck my life

this worthless void of existence
pointlessness

just kill me, and be on your way
i wish i could do it my self, but as week as i am, im not weak enough

i just wanna collapse and have that be then end


ugg, that's all i fell like typing atm

stripping my room of personality

i seriously just took everything off the indside of my door
looked at it
and cried
then proceed to take off more stuff on a wall away from it just to turn around and see my empty door staring at me

im not sure if its more depressing that i have to take EVERYTHING off of my walls,
or that im actually crying about it
=\

100th post!!!!

woooooooohooooooooo!!!!!!
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woooooooooo hooooooooo!
yay!

so pissed

because my computer needs to be re colned tomorrow because it's a piece of fucking shit
so i need to re-set ALL of my passwords and user names
Re- download all of my fire fox crap
did i mention that there is this app that lets u save websites to, kind of like easy bib but with out citations
and i need to re do all of my book marks
fml
fml
fml
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fuck my fucking life to hell
x_x

to make my point in argument

stfu
because there are 2 things i know that i know how to do
kill people
and kill myself

not saying i will
but im not retarded
and it's really not complex
so why dnt u stfu or i will demonstrate it on you
--------------------------------------------------
i hate people that argue with my knowledge
i know what i know, and you dont
so dnt tell me i dnt know shit when i do

wet eyes
tears are running down your face
shivering
alone and cold
curled up, bloody
in a corner
you keep repeating questions in your head
why, how, where
"can't any one save me, help me?"
your lost and if you weren't in you own home,
you couldn't find your way home
clocking back your tears, hoping no one hears
trying not to let your gasps of breath be too loud
------------------------------------------
i get distracted from work
then do it
then talk
so blah!

a post on how i feel...

would you even care if i died bleeding?

would it be wrong, would it be right, if i tool my life tonight?
what if i died tomorrow? would you miss me here?
what if i cried tomorrow? would you shed a tear?
why does she give a damn about me?
do you memorize theatrical lines?
Do you still feel it,calling in the air tonight?

[ill be posting more questions from songs laterish]

your hair, it's everywhere. screaming infidelities, taking it's wear

it's one of those days
where i am faced with pain
=\
weather mental or physical i wonder how many pills i have to consume for it to dissipate
damn fingers
damn stomach
damn ankle
damn foot
damn thoughts
damn music
damn stressfulness
damn me for being weak
damn me for not ignoring this bull
x_x

i sleep with a bottle of Tylenol next to my bed
i take it when my fingers hurt
i take it when my ankle hurts
i take it when my head hurts
i take it when i can't sleep
i really need a better alternative

we are wounded, but we ar healing

blah
thats how im feeling
and im listening to rise against
and dwn loading music
soooo, yea
that about it
ummm

i walk on wounds the self improve

i love rise against
<3

but soon, they will be sell outs
and ill find some one new

that y im not wasting my time learing every little thing about them like i did with simple plan
and columbine

i decided to stop obsessing about that stuff
idk y
well, maybe
i think it will make my life simpler, less complex

ya kno?

did you send jesus?

lmoa
i effin love friday night cranks
xD
<3
<3 <3
<3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3
<3 <3
<3

hehe
xD
win!!!
--------------------------------------------------
lets learn myspace lingo kids!

1) can i take a bite out of your taco= can i have your number?
2) the moose has left the building= where do you live?
3) hickory dickory dock the chief wears the smock the clock struck one we all had fun hickory dickory dock= do you want to cyber
4) you ate my enchilada= i am going to kill you

if this was health class i'd be talking about penises!!!

lmfao
i love being and advisory assistant
xD
ms. musto rocks
xD
haha

and....ummmmm
yea
haha
xD

i was wearing a slut!

haha
fun times in cult lit!!!!
=D

and my school is fucking sucking ass balls
because
they
blocked
yahoo

mother
fucker

ZACH!!!!!! ZACH!!!!! ZACH!!!!!!! ZACH!!!!! ZACH!!!!! ZACH!!!!!! ZACH!!!!

OMG!!!!!
guess wat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i
am
gonna
rick
roll
ms.
moye!
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i put the link for http://smouch.net/lol/ where once of my pages should go!!
muahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
ahaha
she clicked it
and it was funny
and she started laughing and trying to click it out
xD
and then gave up
and kept letting it play
and like everyone broke out in song!!!!!!!
then quit
and closed her computer
then openeded it later in the class
and it was still playing
xD

I will not bow

i kno how breaking benjamen got their name.
the lead singers name is ben
and on open mic night he broke a mic
haha

but onto the reason im posting this
for some odd reason earlier today i though
"i wanna b with an ass hole"
and i really dnt kno y i had the urge to be with an ass hole
it makes me wonder wat that means...
------------------------------------------------------
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
thats actually from a few days ago

but i was just looking on my facebook
at people pics
some one who i haven't seen since like 4th grade
and some one who i knew from kindergarten or first grade till 8th
it wow, how much they changed
it really is weird
but the part that makes me think is how those people that iv'e known for, god knows how long, are just out of my life
and how they kinda seemed like siblings because i grew up with them
same people
same days
same classes
same years
and why do i remember posting this all before...?

i actually think i did

i'll swim the ocean for you <3

i think i'm going to start making all of my posts have the title of the song im listening to
haha
that's it

in my attempts of sleeping...

[like always]
i was thinking
about normal stuff i guess
and how it seems life is just flying right by
and how 'scared' i am to grow up
now im not sure if the sounds weird, or normal
but i am

and im not sure if it's the responsibility
or if im just afraid of loosing people
cuz i have
i mean, just the transition from grade school to high school, i lost all those people
and it's weird now that i look back on it
those people were like family
i mean, i grew up with most of them
from kindergarden to 8th grade
[ignoring the fact i hated most of them]
and it scares me to see how much i changed in 2 years
i mean, even at the end of freshmen year how different i was
idk, its just weird
it's like loosing family to me
its weird, but wen u spend +11430 hours with some one, its kinda hard to loose them, no matter how much you wanted to kill them every waking minute

idk, i think im just afraid to loose more people wen i graduate high school
which brings me back to the idea i started freshmen year with
"don't meet people, don't build relationships"
but look wat i did
first day of school that idea was out the fucking window
x_x
but it really turned out to be good..
or at least, i think so
if i say it's a bad thing that kinda makes me feel like i im saying that i regret meetting my friends, which i dnt, but i really wonder what life wld be like if i had stayed on my idea
or if i would have wen't to carmelt
or brasher


this is why i either have to be tired when i go to sleep
or have some one to talk to
x_x
i hate thinking at night
this is usually where it ends

sponge bob square pants!

just came on the TV

now befor i go on a little rantish thingy thing
go here
http://muffinsawesome.blogspot.com/
it's my 'contest' blog!!!!
haha
so go there
and subscribe
and answer!!
lolz

now::
didnt go to drama on wed.
then stayed home on thrusday
and missed college tours
so, nothing interesting was missed
BUT today [friday] i didn't go to school either
which kinda sucks
cuz i HATE having to make up work
x_x
and this is the FIRST time EVER i missed two days in a row!!!
with an exception of when i went on vacation in 6th grade
but i had my work ahead of time
grrrrrr
but i actually feel A LOT better
and can eat food today!
yay!
haha
and tomorrow im gonna go to the movies with JJ and Maranda
and i have just now decided that we need a name
like a group name
an EPIC one
because if trevor was with us, wed b team star
and that just occurred to me
the rest of team star is gonna be taking the PSSA's with out me
D=
but, blah, i wldnt pass it
haha
sooo yea
me jj and maranda are going to the movies
to watch
toy story 1&2 in 3D
AND
capitalism: a love story
which means tonight im gonna watch bowling for columbine
xD
because i love that movie
or maybe ill just listen to columbine...hmmmm
im liking that book
xD
THEN!
on next saturday
im supposed to go to my one friends house
but im probably not
because she is spening all her money this weekend
and im gonna go to station scare with cool people
=D
soooo
the friday b4 im going to the penitentiary!!!!
=D
then station scare!
=D
i think im gonna try and go to hundred acre manor on sundayy
cuz that world be so effin EPIC!
like
BEST FREAKING WEEKEND EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha
but, thats not gonna work, unless i can get like $30 from my parents haha
well
im out
peace!

THE WINNER FOR THE FISH CONTEST!!!!!!!

thank you to the full 4 people that entered!
haha

BUT!
THE
WINNING
NAME
IS!!!!!!!!!!
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.
Sir Heavy Metal Nut Kicking Death Puncher the XLII

so w00tness to 'the nameless one'
whose name is Sean
xD

your prize is...

a condom covered penis with arms, and a mouth, and eyes, with oddly large, oragne balls trophy!
and a dollar!
that you will get the next time i see you, if i have a dollar then




i have now also decided that im going to have a new random contest every week, but in a different blog thing thing
so here is the link
http://muffinsawesome.blogspot.com/
go follow that!
=D

and yea!

my pet fish contest [there is a prize!!!] <3

this is my pet fishy
he does not have a name
but who ever comes up with the best/collest name for HIM will win a prize

HERE ARE THE RULES:::
1. you can make up as many names as you want
2. they have to be a name for a guy
3.each name HAS to be in a different comment, if there are multiple tries in one comment those names WILL NOT BE COUNTED
4. have fun and be creative!

i can't speak anymore

not only do i adore that song [by:: The I Drive]
that's kinda really how i have been feeling
in a way
like, i can always speak
and, i don't know, it's really had to explain
it's how i feel i would be if i was around certain people
but that still really didn't make any sense
so i really don't know what im trying to explain this mess of a life

sorry i couldn't find a better version
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
moral:::
yes, i fall for people way to easily
and set out to get hurt
i like meeting new people because i get bored with seeing the same people, some times
but i have a tendency to fall for some of the said new people i meet
and it's stupid
i know it is
and im sure as hell you can't disagree
fml
x_x

where will i be in 30 years?

Bury your head

our eyes meet for the first time from across the room
i look into ur soul and see something much deeper than ur appearance
i see u
the real u
i see everything
all ur pain
i feel it
and a tear falls from my eye
i regain conscientiousness and go back to doing my work

later i see u at the bus stop
once again our eyes meet
but from across the road this time
and now i see sadness
i see u crying
or at least i think i can
but then i jump back to reality and ur laughing
how can this be i say
the next day ur not in class
or the bus stop
nothing abnormal i think
but then the next day and the next and the next
u weren't there
the days turned into weeks
which turned into three months
figuring u just transferred i ask some one where u went to school
they turn and walk way
thinking they were pissed at me i asked some one else
but the bell rang and they ran to their next class saying text me later
so i did
and what i found out was so horrifying
i cried
how could this happen
the one and only person i seem to connect to...

why...

i thought that u could be the one...

what was i thinking
just one person, just one day..

but i was happy for those short moments no matter how much pain it brought me.
i loved u.
and i hope u can hear that!
now please, just give me a sign that ur listening,
that u love me.
anything....

please....

guess hes no...(speaker drops to floor and dies)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
i was thinking of some one
and this popped in my head
and i really don't know how they are related at all,
well,
maybe a little
but, nah
haha
im happy i have live journal on my phone
<3

over time

i've learned to deal with things
normal things like

loosing people
being called names
being hit
being tormented
and so on

but what i can't seem o understand is how after going through all of that,
after having felt like a worthless piece of shit,
and after how my life has turned around,

i don't understand how when my life starts to get better
mt world starts crashing down

my baby <3

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/ele/1400129944.html

i miss it soooooo much
and that is the only one a saw in the past year or so
they dnt even sell it any more in stores
=\

its not funny how badly i want it
but of course
my dad wont let me get it
=\

iv been trying to convince him for the past half hour
=\

i miss ronnie
and i hate the ass hole that stole him
D=<

and that is the only thing i want
i will not pay my phone bill for that mp3 player!
but, i have no way of getting to the persons house, unless i know the area they are from

i never wished that i could turn back time more than i do now

and for once, im not saying this because of a person
or something i did

and to know that just gives me a sort of, i dont know, accomplishment i guess you could say

i wanna turn back time to 1991
and be alive then
at least 15 preferably

i would love to go to AFI concerts

well, what can't you do that now you may ask?
because they are all emo-like now
they use to be punk
they use to be real

their songs remind me of anti-flag
well, not tho songs
the voice
davey's vocie
it reminds me of justin's voice
the way its not clear
[and kinda sounds like a retard screaming]

i love it
and i am most definitely in love with afi

first i fell in love with their song prelude 21/12
or maybe it was 12/21
any who, that's not important

but for some reason, i fell in love with that song
and not like, 'omg thats my fav shirt i love it!'
like real love
and it was weird

now listening to afi's old stuff makes me feel that way about them

and that's really weird [and probably stupid] to say about a song and band
but it's true

so as sad as it may be
i cannot control it
kinda like breathing

to the current person pissing me of...

go ahead
go and ignore me for no apparent reason
w/e
fuck you!

30 mins ago i could of killed some one, or better yet, myself

the air coming out of my lungs and up my throat is cold
my finger tips are so sore that they are numb
and i feel like im trapped

as if i am locked inside a box
but not a normal box, it's me
and i keep fighting to get out

my shoulders are either cold or in pain
it's hard to tell
it feels as if people are putting their cold, lifeless hand on my shoulders and back
or i am getting a number of shots at the same time
im not sure how those two are related

so yesterday on my way home from school my mind left my body
i don't remember getting off the bus
i don't remember crossing streets
i don't remember walking home
i just remember sitting on the bus then opening my front door
and im not sure what happened
it's like my brain turned off
but i remember thinking this whole time
but it seemed like i was gone for more than 3 or 4 minutes
it seemed more like an hour

during this time i was thinking
about how life would be if people could only see you as your shadow
or silhouette
how would that make society?
better?
worse?
or nothing would be different what so ever?

i heard that if people payed less attention to physicial things the world would be better
but i ask you, would it really?
don't you think it would be eaiser to end the life of people when you cannot see their face?
you couldn't see the terror
or the sadness
unless, the reason you do it is to see that, then maybe it will
but if you couldn't see ones face, how would you even know what expressions are?

sometimes it makes me wonder...

and right now i want to yell at the person whose hands are on my back and shoulder
my hands are warm
but to touch where i feel i am cold just turns my hand to ice

so who knows...

why is my blood so orange?

well
there was something here
then some one pointed out that it made me seem like "a whiny emo"
soooo
bye bye post

ahaha, i love my 'come back' to my teacher

so for research [who would of guessed?!?!?!] we had to looke up statistics or some stupid shit for grad project. and write what we found in out class blog
here is what i said:::



here is my teachers comment::



and here is my post replying to his comment::



so stick that and suck on it Hamilton

so now, i walk with a limp

for no reason
since yesterday, its been hurting
my upper leg
like some one was beating it with a meat tenderizer
it hurts every time i put pressure on it
and even when i don't, just not as bad
and my arm hurts too
same thing
i guess i strained my mussels
but i'm not sure how
i haven't lifted anything heavy
but now my laptop feels like a car

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

so i really haven't been doing much work in any core class
so yea
i fall asleep in cult lit
and i do this, play games, talk to people, and go on g-mail in research and e portfolio
but in research i also argue with our dumb ass of a teacher, if he can even qualify as that


and hey!
i kept my promise
=D

last post for a while

by a while i mean later tomorrow or thursday


why do i even bother?
why do i try
because as soon as i find happiness
or some little joy in my life
someone just takes it away
and makes me feel like total shit

then again, im sure you know what it feels like
i mean who doesnt?
and hell, you may even be one of the people making me feel this way
and if you are
sorry for over reacting about basically nothing

sad sad attempts =\ [tell me your opinion]

We were both once young

And you know how the story goes

You were the boy

And I was the girl

That just happened to become one

So back to the [be]ginning

Where it all started to unfold

Back to where the grass was green

And the air was so very sweet

[Yeah]

That where I met you

You said hey

And I said hello

Who would have guessed this would be the start of something new

[Not me]

I know you say

That you don’t believe in love at first sight

But baby, now

I do

Because of you

Thank you for opening my eyes

So the sweetest thing, since apple pie

I thought we'd last forever

But sadly I was mistaken

And you never account for the day I’d see you

[With her]

So back to the [be]ginning

Where it all started to unfold

Back to where the grass was green

And the air was so very sweet

[Yeah]

That where I met you

You said hey

And I said hello

Who would have guessed this would be the start of something new

[Not me]

That’s who

You were so over rated

But don’t worry, I was too

We blew everything we thought we once knew

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I see you

And I know you see me too

Our eyes meet

From across the room

And I know

The way you feel

Believe me

Because I was once you

Before I turned u into me

I cried

And I tried

Almost everything

I could

Do to

Forget about you

About you

So now

I sit

I look in your eyes

I see

That you

Are about to cry

I know

watt we

Had was love

I know

How true

You were to me

And that

Every word

Was reliable

I wish

I could

Undo the hurt

Not just for me

But for you too

I want you back

And I can pay the price

Of never having you

In my life

I know

That I will never be able

To

Take back the hurtful things I put you through

I wish

Those we

could still be together once mor

Before

The end us will come

Good bye

Is such an awful word

When one fells how I fell

Because of how I made you hurt

I’m sorry

I didn't mean to

I still love

I want to hold you tight

Please come back

------------------------------------------
so tell me if you like the blue or red one better
and why if there is a reason
or tell me you hates them both
lolz
thanks =D

[by the way, there was spacing so it looked better, but stupid blogger didn't like that and deleted it x_x sorryz!]