last post for a while

by a while i mean later tomorrow or thursday


why do i even bother?
why do i try
because as soon as i find happiness
or some little joy in my life
someone just takes it away
and makes me feel like total shit

then again, im sure you know what it feels like
i mean who doesnt?
and hell, you may even be one of the people making me feel this way
and if you are
sorry for over reacting about basically nothing

sad sad attempts =\ [tell me your opinion]

We were both once young

And you know how the story goes

You were the boy

And I was the girl

That just happened to become one

So back to the [be]ginning

Where it all started to unfold

Back to where the grass was green

And the air was so very sweet

[Yeah]

That where I met you

You said hey

And I said hello

Who would have guessed this would be the start of something new

[Not me]

I know you say

That you don’t believe in love at first sight

But baby, now

I do

Because of you

Thank you for opening my eyes

So the sweetest thing, since apple pie

I thought we'd last forever

But sadly I was mistaken

And you never account for the day I’d see you

[With her]

So back to the [be]ginning

Where it all started to unfold

Back to where the grass was green

And the air was so very sweet

[Yeah]

That where I met you

You said hey

And I said hello

Who would have guessed this would be the start of something new

[Not me]

That’s who

You were so over rated

But don’t worry, I was too

We blew everything we thought we once knew

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I see you

And I know you see me too

Our eyes meet

From across the room

And I know

The way you feel

Believe me

Because I was once you

Before I turned u into me

I cried

And I tried

Almost everything

I could

Do to

Forget about you

About you

So now

I sit

I look in your eyes

I see

That you

Are about to cry

I know

watt we

Had was love

I know

How true

You were to me

And that

Every word

Was reliable

I wish

I could

Undo the hurt

Not just for me

But for you too

I want you back

And I can pay the price

Of never having you

In my life

I know

That I will never be able

To

Take back the hurtful things I put you through

I wish

Those we

could still be together once mor

Before

The end us will come

Good bye

Is such an awful word

When one fells how I fell

Because of how I made you hurt

I’m sorry

I didn't mean to

I still love

I want to hold you tight

Please come back

------------------------------------------
so tell me if you like the blue or red one better
and why if there is a reason
or tell me you hates them both
lolz
thanks =D

[by the way, there was spacing so it looked better, but stupid blogger didn't like that and deleted it x_x sorryz!]

the it drips, the rain drops drip down

i love you
i hate you
why wont you let me go?

any who
i have the urge to attempt to write a song, because it's been FOREVER since i have
and i find that highly depression
=\

i just wish i had an ounce of talent
so i could actually sing it
=\
or any song for that matter

BUT
im going to block myself from the world
and it's gonna be me, a note book, and a pencil for about an hour or so
so, that's where im at
<3

69

696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969
69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69 69

this is my 69th post by the way
=D
yay
--------------------------------------------------------
and my class room smells like fish
x_x
EWWWW!
i wanna barf!!!

and im coughing like fucking crazy!
blah

but today in cult lit our teacher brought up anarchy
and i was about to flip on him for saying "anarchist always wear black"
that pissed me off
BUT
reminded me on why i wanted to do my grad project on stereotypes
=D
and why i wanted to do it on columbine

soooo
yea
i think im gonna go play games and talk to people
because i have no idea what we are supposed to be doing
because our teacher is fucking retarded and doesnt tell us shit
yay for failing

i post to many blogs a day xD

blah!
sorry followers
but you know you still love me
=D
plus. it's not like you are being forced to read these
at leas i hope your not
=O

but i was bored
and fell like blabbing about my life type thing before i go to sleeeeeeep

Tuesday::
hoagie pick up at school x_x
NO GIRL SCOUTS =D
we are going outside for DM, if it doesn't rain =D

Wed.::
Pizza day!
Drama!
conference for research x_x

Thursday::
Reading journal due, no where near the pages that need to be read, i think im still stuck in week one x_x
so i guess study club

Friday::
sleep =D

----------------------------------------------
i keep feeling like im missing something
grrrrrrr...
---------------------------------------------
then on like the 8th of next month there is a half day
and the fall dance thing
=D

ummm, i know there is something the first too, hmmm...

and i need to pay my phone bill by the first saturday =\
im only like $10 short thought
gawd, iv been not buying stuff for a while for this!!! grrr

then November 13th its the Anberlin <3 concert!!!
actually, its the all american reject and taking back sunday concert which happens to be featuring Anberlin!
so some how i am gonna get $25 to go see Anberlin <3 play for like 20 seconds and have to sit through AAR for like 20 years!!!

ummmmm, yea
look how odd my life looks
lolz
so dysfunctionally in order [for once!]

but, i need to [attempt] to sleep!
becuase i have issues
that dont like letting me sleep
x_x

Oh yea! i need to see tech team about my charger!
haha
that would be good to remember!

any ways
good ridden!
<3

baby bottle pop!

idk
that song was stuck in my head
blah
i need to get some sleeeeeeeep
x_x
blah
i dont wanna wash my hair, because it makes the color fade
x_x
BOOOO!!!!!
stupid dye
i need colour treated shampooooo and conditioner
ummm
yea
soooooooo
tonight will be the night that i will fall for you, over again
don't make me change my mind
i wont live to see another day
i swear it's true
<3

stupid second hand searande or w/e song
lolz
ummmmmm

i <3 ronnie radke
=D

ummmm
yea
so shower time
then doodling
then maybe reading columbine
<3
then complaining
then attempting to sleep
yay!
my life story
haha
uggg
x_x

i over react to eaisly =\

blah
thats about it
ummm, yea
i hate grad project
and im changing my topic again
for 2 reasons
1. im bored with my current one
2. i like to piss off my teachers
=D
hehe

oh yea
im dying
x_x

CALL THE PRESS!!!!!!!!

because my room is clean!!!
haha
it only took me, what, like 3, 4 or so weekends to clean
haha
like...HOLY FUCKING SHIT I HAVE A FLOORRR!!!!
but i rather it be messy, because then i don't have to step on cold, ugly [unfinished] wood.
not to mention that it's dirty in the sense it will tun your feet and socks black
i hate hard wood x_x
i also moved my bed, and my night stand and wheely bin thing thing dip dip
it makes my room look bigger =D
well, bigger in the middle cuz its all clear
haha
my mom doesnt like it cuz my bed is blocking my window
but oh well
haha
and now i can notice that my base drum is tilted to the right
grrrrr
ill fix that after i dust it off
now i need to cover up some bare wall with things
hehe
woooo hoooo
peace
<3

you're not alone....

there is more to this i know!!
<3

you will live to tell
<3

i <3 Saosin
------------------------------------------------------------
Flashfoward is AH-mazing!!!!!!!!!!!
and i can't wait for next weeks episode!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
kennywood tomorrow with maranda
and it's not open to the public
=D
so hopefully there will be less lines
lolz
-----------------------------------------------------------
i've been cleaning my room all day
and its like 15% away from being done
haha
maybe a little more
but it's always the end i struggle at
and thats why it never gets clean
-----------------------------------------------------------
so i have been thinking
about a stupid argument i had with some one
again....
and im not sure if he was kidding around
im pretty sure
he usually is
but i take it wrong
and get defensive about stuff like that
=\
idk
nor do i really care anymore
never talking to him may make my life a tad bit better
-----------------------------------------------------------
and i've been thinking of some one else
[reference post before this one]
-----------------------------------------------------------
do i over react to things?
reply in a comment please
thanks

some one catch me

before i fall too in 'love' with you

arg, i hate when this happens
it's not that i dont like you, because i do
it's just i cant
because its awkward
i dont think that i could be with you like that
yet i want to

i am beating myself up about this like crazy
trying to hide it, and forcing my self not to tell
gawd, when i do this thing, i encase my self in a deep state of depression and confusion
so you can tell when it peaks

so ill just cut my wrists
and black my eyes
so i can fall asleep tonight
or die...

fact:::

• i like when people comment and follow my blog, it makes me feel loved and like i have a purpose.
• i hate when people sign off line from aim with out saying bye [excluding internet spazzes]
• i over think things
• i often think that no one cares bout me
• i have random changes in emotion
• i hate when people don't return calls when they say they will
• i hate when i don't understand things
• i like to cuddle
• i always sleep with my fan on
• i hate being forced to sleep and not being able to sleep at night
• sometimes im still afraid of the dark
• i cry over stupid things
• i don't feel safe anywhere at any time
• i hate waking up and no one being home when im expecting them to
• i hate politics
• i love guys with long hair
• i hate being called emo
• i have a short attention spand on many things
• im jumpy, not just when people touch me and im not expecting it, but if im laying in bed at night and hear a creek, or if my door opens
• i hate crying in front of people, and every time i do it makes me want to die
• i hate politics and anything that has to do with them
• i get hurt easily by people saying things that really shouldn't matter to me
• i find it hard to let people in to my heart
• i talk loud so people know im there
• i talk a lot when i have something on my mind that i don't want to be there
• i wear a lot of eyeliner/eye shadow so i have a reason not to cry, i don't want it to run and get fucked up
• i don't understand half of the things i listen to, but i think it shows that i actually like the music, not the vocals
• i make stupid childish mistakes, regret them, and do it again any ways. in other words, i don't learn from my mistakes
• i like to use 'big' or more complex words because they seem prettier
• i hate the word pretty, but some times it's the only word to fit
• i think that nouns should and could be used as ways to describe how your feeling
• i draw rainbows when im depressed/ sad
• i draw checkers when im mad/ pissed
• i doodle when theres no one to talk to and i want to think of something else
• i hate when people talk to me when im doodling
• i hate when people interrupt me talking to some one else
• i like to threaten people so they think im capable of it
• i hate killing bugs
• i hate eating meat that still looks like the animal, or if i see it before it becomes edible
• i like the sound guns make
• i want to learn how to skateboard really well
• i like dancing in the rain
• i like coloring
  
• i like putting colour and favourite instead of the english spelling
• fall is my favorite season, and it's generally when im the happiest
• im always miserable in the summer
• i hate saying good byes to my friends
• i'd rather completely loose a friend than just talk to them over aim/txt/e-mail occasionally
• i get more nervous around cops/security when i didn't do anything that i do if i did
• i hate when people use controlled stereotypes in jokes [controlled and in u can control it, not like race, sexual orientation, gender]
• some times i cant comprehend how people think differently than me
• i will act like i like someone to prevent drama
• i get angry way to eaisly
• i love when people spell my name Hollie instead of holli.
• it doesn't bother me if people spell my name holly unless they have known me for a few years
• i don't think that first impression matter, they are usually wrong
• i don't like knowing about the future, i like to take it as it comes
• i have issues deciding
• i have obsessions with the wrong things
• i often don't word things right [or so people can understand them] so people have a tendency to get the wronf impression
• i like quoting song lyrics in a conversation
• i like breaking out into random song
• i often have the urge to dance, but almost never do
• i love skipping
• i like jumping in piles of leaves during the fall
• i think that climbing trees and sitting there is one of the most relaxing things ever
• sometimes i have to remind my self to breathe [no blonde joke intended, im dead serious, sometimes my body doesn't automatically do it]
• i hate when spell check and grammer check or w/e thinks it's smarter that you, even when it's not
• i don't like having to learn new versions of old programs i am proficient in
• i really don't care about my grades
• getting in to college isn't nearly as high on my to do list as it should be
• i don't like setting goals
• i don't like doing what im told when im told to do it, i much rather to do it when im comfortable doing such, and i guarantee it will be better quality
• i hate when people can't tell when i seriously want them to stop/shut up
• i like using similes [or analogies] that only i can understand
• i hate watching the news and stuff like it, i believe that it almost always lies
• i hate catching people in a lie and them not admitting it or playing dumb
• i hate when parents say "i know more about you than you think i do"
• i like non fiction books and are the only ones i have the slightest bit of interest in
• Halloween isn't my favorite holiday even though i always say it is when asked, i don't have one
• i don't have one favorite anything and i think it's stupid and immature to have favorite colours and stuff like that
  
• i don't like to conform to many things
• i like the sayings/quotes::

1. dare to be different, just like everyone else
2. i would rather live and love where death is king, than spend eternal life where love is not
3. every beginning comes from another beginnings end
4. music is the strongest form of magic

• when i get pissed off i am abusive to inatament objects
• i want to be fluent in a 'dead' language
• i hate that more words arn't spelled phonetically
  
• i hate when people use q instead of g, or p, or w/e they want it to be
• i don't like when people use what i like to call 'ghetto leet' d3y t@lk lyk3 d!s @nd th!nk !t;s @w3s0m3 @nd n0t q@y @t @ll.!
• i hate emotion and showing them, sometimes i wish i was incapable of showing them
• i believe that their are spirits in my house, and i often try and talk to them, or yell at them when i get freaked out of pissed off because of them
• i hate conversations that go no where
• i will fight for what i believe in, even if all sources tell me im worng
• i've always want to get arrested to doing something stupid, like skipping around down town holding the anarchist cook book screaming "fuck the world" during the G-20
• i either want to be forgotten by everyone, or known by everyone. not just kinda remembered by some people

So yea, this was a list of some of the facts about me. some were ones i haven't told anyone, and yes, there are some i didn't put because i don't want every one to know cretin things about me. and i know i am probably missing some due to forgetfulness [there's probably double too for the same reason] and me just not thinking of them while typing this. so i my, or may not, update this. but i guess we will find out, now wont we.

11:11

i just missed it
=\
no wishing for me tonight
i guess i'll just crawl under the sheets
and try to get some sleep
as thoughts of you and i
run through my mind
<3

i felt like being 'cute-see' about it
=)
i do that sometimes
it makes me smile

----------------
Now playing: A Skylit Drive - A Reason For Broken Wings
via FoxyTunes

Grad project

is so effin pointless
like, i know we need ti to graduate from any high school
but why the fuck are we getting graded on it in class?
it makes no sense

and how did my ideas go from
Suicide
To Columbine
To Stereotypes

im really beyond everything
like
i know what happened to make me what to do the stereotypes
but i just cant comprehend how i got here
so, yea

its odd
and confusing
=\

and frustrating
and fuckated
cuz thats a word

*sigh* sometimes i think that if it wernt for this blog

my brain would explode
or i would just go crazy
-_-

ugggg
i was thinking
of stuff
and people
and what not
and i came to conclusion
that i get pissed off at people to easily
and for stupid reasons
and that it seems like i LOOK for reasons to hate people
idk
it weird
like one day,
i could be like
"u such an amazing person i never wanna loose u"
and then something happens
and i want nothing to do with them
but i force my self to talk to them, as much as i hate it
idk, but looking at some of those times
the things that happed kind of make it seem like i am loosing them
a little
it's weird
and hard to explain
and i probably would if this was live journal, cuz no one reads mine
xD
plus, i NEVER update it anymore
but i still like it better than blogger
=D

my songs update often, haha
like "oh look, new song lets make it public"
well i guess i could delete them
but, i dont
haha

im playing neopets
=D
do i have problems or what?!?

any ways, nighty night
----------------
Now playing: Marilyn Manson - Get Your Gunn
----------------
Now playing: A Change Of Pace - The First Time We Ever Met
via FoxyTunes

i hate...

everything
i figured that i would save some time
and just say that
instead of listing every little fucking thing

now i am really considering going to ---------
i fucking hate this hellish school soo fucking much

uggg, i have nothing higher than a C
except in electives
so fml

just kill me now please?
im fucking sick of this place
and everything
and virtually everyone


i just wanna like, leave
and go away for a while
and come back when im better
and less...
i dont even know how to describe it
=\
w/e

uggg, i hate being sick

especially when im in school
=\
ugg fukk
blahh!
D=
=\
/=
=|

i effin hate being sick!!!!!!!!!!

ugg
x_x

----------------
Now playing: Marilyn Manson - Coma White
via FoxyTunes

words and phrases i don't like

never say never- contradiction

equality- it's just stupid and i don't think it should exist because nothing and no one will or ever should be 100% equal

nothings impossible- so it's possible to live after being stabbed in the heart, shot in the head 5 times, getting run over by 20 18 wheelers that are at max weight then being tied to 4 200lb cinder blocks with one attached to each ankle and wrist then being thrown in the middle of an ocean the is hundreds and hundreds of miles deep from a plane that is 50,000 ft off the ground? [this is a little over dramatic, but you get the point]

never give up- bitch, don't tell me what i should and shouldn't do

look on the bright side/be positive/don't be so negative- there's not always a good thing to everything and ill be how ever the fuck i want

treat others as you would like to be treated or the golden rule- just because i'm nice to some one doesn't mean that they will be the same way to me. and just cuz some one is a totally dick doesn't mean that i wont be a dick to them, nor does it mean i actually will

sorry- its just so over used, and i hate apologize, you never can tell is some one is truly sorry by just saying it

love- a figment of peoples imagination, and pointless in the end

Christmas/Easter/Holidays- made up holidays by the media to get people to spend their money. if it's Jesus' birthday why the fuck are we getting and receiving giving gifts, and what the fuck does a bunny hiding eggs have to do with relgion and resurrection?

terrorist- a stereotypical word for some one that make a tragic event happen. a person, many people, not terrorist, its just a made up word that means nothing. is it the act of terrifying? then y couldn't managers, judges, cops and finials be terrorist, are they not terrifying at times?

when people say "do you go with them"- it doesnt make ne sense, do i go with them where? to school? well obviously if im sitting right next to them in class. "do i go with them where?" is my response to that question now

when people say "stop hitting on me" when they are touched- i touched you, i hit you, i am not hitting on u. look it up and learn english dumbfucks!

i cant believe its not butter- contradiction much? is it or isnt it butter, and y can or cant u beleive it?

live and survive- i hate when people don't reconize a difference. survive is to be alive. live is to be living. when u live you function, you have a point, you not just there. when u survive u are JUST not dead yet

pick a side/its one or the other- why cant it be both, or all, or multiple, not none/neither? why does it all have to be a little game. i choose what ever i damn well please and don't tell me i have to select just one

sex and gender- sex is ur sex organs,women or man. gender is your chromosomes, male and female. because there could be a female stuck in a man's body, or a male stuck in a women's body. it doesnt always have to be woman and female or man and male.

opposites attract [when referring to anything but magnets]- heat and ice dont attract, the cancel each other out. not always true with people, not always a man and women, can be 2 men or 2 women, but in todays society, who can tell which one of those are the opposites.


----there are probably more, i get annoyed of what people say a lot, but i rarely choose to show it

Goodbyes are inevitable but I will see you again and never forget the simple fact that I will always love you

stupid music
listening to Hawthorne Heights is NOT a good way to start off your day
=\
at least not for me
blah, today just was w/e and bland
until after school
then i got home
ugggg
can i not go a day with out arguing with my parents
gawd, its so miserable here
but, my day pretty much is ending how it started
yay [note: EXTREME sarcasms was used here!!]
but yea, it's been two days since i read my book
hmmmmm...

oh yea, im wearing a skirt tomorrow, don't ask why
well yes, do ask
i bought this skirt like, 3 or 4 years ago, because it was awesome
but i dont wear skirts
and its irritating me that its just been sitting there
mainly cuz its hard to find a shirt that goes with it
but, i kinda found one
haha

so yea, skirt
but im wearing pants on under it!
and then im gonna strip at drama!
lolz

i have issues
and people piss me off

like there is at least 3 people that i want to bash in their heads with a sledge hammer
ugg
x_x

it feels live iv been neglective to my blog

and i really don't know what to say
there are a few things i would like to talk about
but i have come to the realization that people actually read this
and that id i want to vent about things i have to make them into stories where the real meanings are hidden

but who knows any more
i keep changing
and what not

idk any more

but right now i really feel like dancing in circles!
just the though makes me smile
dancing randomly is how i know that love exists
and its when im happy
i hate dancing!
but when im in the urge to just get up and spin around, gawd, its like heaven
<3

but i guess i just wanted to update this because i felt like i was neglecting it
night all
<3

for the graduation project, that i cant do...

i kinda attempted to writes this song type thing for my grad project
turns out i couldnt do what i wanted to
anyways
i started it at the end of last trimester, and edited it then to
but, yea, since im no doing in, its just here
taking up space on my C drive
so i figured, hey, ill post it
and, yea, ummm, its not done
and the italicized part is the chorus
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

What would you if this was you?
What would you do?
Can you put yourself in his shoes?
What would you so if you where there that day?
What would you do, would you react that way?

A few months earlier the plans began
The thoughts start stirring in these two boys heads
They’re unsure of the targets
They’re unsure of who they’ll hit
All they knew is that it will be what they wanted in the end

As time goes on they get what they need
They plan and the scheme
In hopes they will succeed
Some plans still are fuzzy, some things still unsure
They only thing they know is they will make history

At six in the morning they go to their class
Bowling is the best one they say
They just chuck the ball, they just goof around
They won’t show up for anymore classes that day

They go to the school
They set down their bags
Nobody knows of the destruction they will cause
They go back out side and wait for a boom
But fortunately for the school, it never came

The bullets they flew
The explosives were thrown
The building was filled with only screams that day
The doors all got locked
The people all ran
The terror was spread through the halls that day
The people were praying to live through the day

24 injured, 15 were dead
One teacher was lost that day
He ran through the halls
He locked all the doors, with students safe inside
He told them not to be afraid
To keep their heads under desks
He saved all those lives, but couldn’t save his
They tried CPR; they tried to keep him alive
But the paramedics came too late that day
He lost too much blood, he couldn’t survive
Ana a loyal teacher lost his life that day

10 were left dead
In the library; the most blood was shed
They killed all those people, but let one go
He ran for his life in fear of a friend
He just wasn’t ready for his life to end

The police aimed and fired
But the boys, they shot back
Trying to gun down the ones that stood in their way
They wanted to succeed
They wouldn’t give up, and weren’t afraid to kill all that stood in their way

The dun shots had stopped
And the survivors all left
Three hours later the SWAT teams decided it was time to step in
They walked through the school
And found all the corpse
And saw the two that had started it al

They laid there so limb
With guns still in their hands
And the bullet wounds that they put in their heads
They decided that this was the best way to leave.

kind of wished that i had stayed home

then my arms wouldnt hurt
but it was still fun
the pain isnt worth it
=\
fuck pussy 1 and 2 rapids!!!!!
a.k.a still water and little mini rapids
uggg

so i iced them
i soaked them
and now im loaded up on ib profane
well
only 2
so i guess i should go off before it wares on completley
i also should keep the bottle by me bed
because gawd knows ill wake up in pain
=\
but maybe not,
i mean, like i shouldnt be
haha

anyways
yea

ummm, im kinda tired even though i was sleeping since like 9-12 and on the bus ride home!
haha

lets see
i had an interesting conversation with some one about something just now
and
umm, yea

peace homies
<3
----------------
Now playing: Jimmy Eat World - Chase This Light
via FoxyTunes

ill post this, and try and get some sleep tonight

because me sleeping/eating schedule are so fucked!
i need to get them normalated!
grrrrrr

but yea
i was thinking of a story thing in my head
and it was really emo-like
then i decided not to type it
sooooo, yea
and now i really don't feel like blogging
maybe its a sign from my body
it's telling me to get the fuck to sleep!
so....
yea

drama tomorrow
and the random-est person asked me if i was going to do it
and god, i swear if her and her little bitch ass friends do it
im gonna be out in a fucking heart beat
sooo, yea
i guess we will see...

testing

1 2 3 4...email blogging?

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Sent via Cricket Mobile Email

why do i wake up confused?

ts oddi
i mean, i just wake up and im in a daze
i need to see your random messages
i mean, just out of absolutely no where like that?
kinda confusing
and scary too
and annoying
but what else is new about you?
haha

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Now playing: Taking Back Sunday - Swing
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Now playing: Cartel - I Will Hide Myself Away
via FoxyTunes

if only you knew,,,

im not sure what would happen
im not even sure what you would know
god
im not even sure who you are

i just really feel like saying that to some one
well, i guess a few people

and after considering that,
im just left with "im not sure what would happen"
even thought i do have somewhat of an idea

so basically i just made this because i need something to do
ill check myspace
-----------------------------------------
uggg, just a new even thing
from some band
for a concert
which reminds me
----------------------------------------
me and you
at club zoo
with anti- flag
on spetember 24, 2009
at 7:00pm
bring $17
--------------------------------------
hmmm, facebook time
--------------------------------------
no one online
some one from st. annes commented some one elses status from st. annes
i added them
-------------------------------------
21 guns is on the x right now
i really like that song
maybe for a deeper meaning
like, of how i think when i listen to it, rather than the effect the words have one me
hmmmmm, one will never know
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-
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and if any one can figure out what i was writing in my "welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games" post, ill give you a reward of some sort!
probably like, a cookie or something random! but still
haha
the point is:::
that story actually MEANT SOMETHING!!!!
amazing! i know!
well, tootles!

welcome to the jungel, we have fun and games

of course you do
too bad you the only one having fun by forcing people to play your little "games"
more like torture
there's no way to win
so i guess it's fun for you
as you watch us all squirm around like worms in a cup of dirt
then you pick us up and feed us to the fish
one, by one

but this 'world' that you are forcing us to live in, is hell
no games here
no fun
but they why would you say it is?
why would you trick us into this?
you pull us in
mix everything up
and spit us out when you're done

and i always try to avoid you and your 'games'
but i can't
no matter how hard i try

and i know that neither can they
i see them
walking around aimlessly
and distorted
thinking it's fun at first
then they see your other side
your true side
and how cruel you are
as you cut and bruise them!
and it's hard to watch
but you just laugh
this is your grates enjoyment
doesn't get any better than this does it?
what could be more fun than ruining our lives?

just once i wish i could not fall in to your trap
i mean, there have been times
but only for short instances
and god, are you good at this game

but not one day has there been a time when i looked back and said "aww, that was fun, i wish i could do it again"
so where is there fun now?
washed away like a bug of a cars windshield
that's where

NEVER once have i seen amusement in your twisted little game!
never
nor shall i ever

because if i find amusement in this game, i will be just as cruel as you
and that could be the utmost WORSE thing that could happen to me

you may have wrecked my life number of times
and i know you'll be able to do it again
but i will never sit up there with you and laugh with you as you ridicule my friends
i will just silently sit back and watch them die
and as crule as it is,
that will give me great enjoyment
just because i know it wasn't me
and every time it's not me
i get stronger
and one day
maybe, just one day
i will be stronger than you
and everything you have become

so my dad said...

that when we are showing the house we may have to take my drumset to my grandmas
my reaction::
"ARE YOU CRAZY! I DONT WANT CORY AND BECKY DESTROYING THEM!!! DRUM HEADS ARE FRIGGING EXPENSIVEISH AND WE ALL KNOW THAT THEY AREN'T GONNA BUY ME NEW ONES!!!!!!!!!"
even thought they are used as dust collectors and clothes hangers, i love them.
they are like neglected babies!
and sure, they are kinda beat up from moving them
and re adjusting them
but your crazy if you think im leaving them at my grandmas
where 2 of my most annoying, abusive, disrespecting cuzins go a lot
and where she has a hyper active puppy, that isnt puppy size

there the factor:: "then just don't dnt them up"
and answer is "have you met cory?"
he will take the stands and use them as 'guns' and probably break them
or take them home
i mean, he used my grandmas microscope as a gun
and broke it
and didnt even put it back where it was

GAWD! why couldnt they be the cousins that live 17 hours away??
why couldn't the cousins that taught me to climb trees be here
the ones that would pretend we were wrestlers
and flip me on the bed so hard we almost broke it
it was fun
and now, i know its not still gonna be like that
cuz ones in the army and married
and the ones in college
and i havent seen them in over, god, i cant even remember
it was brandons graduation
or crystals wedding
i miss the cuzinz that would beat up my uncles when they were drunk
i miss the time my grandmas yelled at me because i was only like 8
and i was blowing up and air mattress with a hand pump all by my self
and they just said "she wanted to do it, and wouldn't let us help"
god, before the hannah montanna, polly pocket, cheer leading lover cousin weaseled her way into this perfect picture
and the over obsessed army cousin came into the picture.
even though, sleeping over there house for a week was kind of fun that one time
we swam in the church's pastors pool when he wasn't home
ran to the woods and stood under the waterfall

wow, i really got off topic....


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Now playing: Yellowcard - Lights And Sounds
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Now playing: Acceptance - Permanent
via FoxyTunes

i am a sick person indeed

because i find great amusement from reading dead baby jokes
at
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com

i actually feel kind of bad
but, then again
this is me we are talking about

"momma, am i going to hell"
"yes you are sweetie"
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Now playing: Saosin - Voices
via FoxyTunes

wooooo hoooo! pudding!

im bored
and kinda hungry
but i don't feel like eating anything
except for strawberries
it's weird
mainly cuz im not to fond of strawberries
but if it were blueberries
of watermelon
or cantalope
it would make sense
but strawberries?
i dont even remember the last time i wanted one
haha, this is odd

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Now playing: Millencolin - Twenty Two
via FoxyTunes

GOD!
fine
sorry!
i can't help it!
im a compulsive blogger!
arg!
at least i admit it!
jeeze!
i need a hobby
but i think i use this as more of an escape
because i think of something
and like to talk about something different so i can distract myself form that other thought
but that said thought will never leave
i mean, im trying to forget it, but its still there, in the back of my head
just thinking it's muffled thought
go ahead brain!
think away
you'll be the first to go
ill shun you from my life
muhahaha
now wouldn't that be nice?
no more thoughts?
what a glorious would we would all live in!
hmmm, i can see it now
just close your eye and envision it!
take a deep breath in!
and whats this?
i smell something, and it's not fresh out door air!
its smells more as if it is cigarette smoke
polluting my perfect world, if suck a thing could even exist that is
now my friend, open your ear!
tell me what you hear?
yes, i hear that too!
she sound of music, pounding in the background
usually a good thing, except when im trying to relax
i want to hear the wind in the trees!
not NOFX singing their songs
now tell me what you see?
well, i see a room
with what i consider my life mounted on the walls
lyrics, and pictures of bands and my doodles
things from school that i got joy out of
a vote muffin sign
giant playing card
no parking signs and news paper articles
i lay down on my bed
and close my eyes
i want to see the beautiful sky!
the trees swaying in the wind
and i want to feel the grass as i lay in it!
as much as i die inside with out my music, laptop, and phone
sometimes i wish i could get away from it
and sadly, i can, so i don't have to wish
and i do, not as often as i should
but some times i want someone there with me
so i know im not alone
some one to lay in my back yard with me
to lay and be silent
and just look up at the sky, and think
and relax
and breath fresh air
and how i take my back yard for granted!
because one day ill move, or go to college and no longer have such a relaxing back yard
and maybe
just maybe
i could make that my new escape
instead of cranking up my music and blogging
maybe ill be more peaceful
but can you imagine that?
me being peaceful?
no violence
no swearing
no death
wow, i actually twitched after typing "no death".
that's really depressing, and ill just stop the list there
maybe i'll try that some time instead of dousing myself in gasoline
well, i could go on for and hour or so
but i know that even I wont want to read it
and i actually do read my posts, maybe not right after i post them, or before
but one day
i'll look back
and remember
then blog, cuz ill remember EXACTLY what i was thinking about
and who i was thinking about
and how i was feeling
so this is goodbye for now
to my friends
to my lovers
to my enemies
and
to my haters

and now i have the urge to be CREATIVE

but i really don't know how
soooooo...

yupp, showing how bored i am!


i felt like being a little kid
and thats how i use to draw people
sad, i know
and now, not much of an improvement
even sadder


and my muffin!
it looks crappy than normal
but, o wellz!


and thats how i sign my name
it looks supper crappy!
but yea
idk
pure boredom


by the way, who thinks that going to the mall is a date?
i was looking at some ones myspace that didn't have hidden comments and one comment from some one was "yea, and next friday we are supposed to go out on a date thing" and the next one "the mall, i know that is't going to be so much fun!" and then "yup, he said he'd get me some stuff!" and then "i love shopping sprees"
so after that
1) her boyfriend has bad ideas for dates
2)shes a gold digger? idk, maybe, id be more like "yea, where are gonna see how long it takes us to get kicked out of macys!" that just sounds like more fun than shopping. especially for a "date"
haha, i hate people that annoy me
even though, i do happen to annoy me. But, when did i ever say i actually liked me?

hmmm, the question still remains i guess


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Now playing: Rancid - Animosity
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Now playing: Rise Against - Injection
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Now playing: The Misfits - Last Caress
via FoxyTunes

i found an old flashdrive...

and wrote something and saved it there. and it's not really that old. and if you know me you'll know exactly who it's about. haha, part of it is actually true though
well, here it is:::



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Now playing: Bad Religion - Social Suicide
via FoxyTunes

if gave you a gun

would you do me the favor of shooting me

right here

dead center in the head

because if i asked you to shoot me in the heart

id still be alive

because it no longer exists

thanks to you

im tired of running

from my fears

im tired of hiding

who I am

im tired of always thinking

about him

im tired of hating

my hellish school

im tired in general

of my life

im tired of the thought

of existence

I tired

Of

Fucking

Everything!!!

Why can’t it just go the fuck away!

stupid me being all emo!

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Now playing: AFI - Summer Shudder
via FoxyTunes