My so called "life"

GOD!
fine
sorry!
i can't help it!
im a compulsive blogger!
arg!
at least i admit it!
jeeze!
i need a hobby
but i think i use this as more of an escape
because i think of something
and like to talk about something different so i can distract myself form that other thought
but that said thought will never leave
i mean, im trying to forget it, but its still there, in the back of my head
just thinking it's muffled thought
go ahead brain!
think away
you'll be the first to go
ill shun you from my life
muhahaha
now wouldn't that be nice?
no more thoughts?
what a glorious would we would all live in!
hmmm, i can see it now
just close your eye and envision it!
take a deep breath in!
and whats this?
i smell something, and it's not fresh out door air!
its smells more as if it is cigarette smoke
polluting my perfect world, if suck a thing could even exist that is
now my friend, open your ear!
tell me what you hear?
yes, i hear that too!
she sound of music, pounding in the background
usually a good thing, except when im trying to relax
i want to hear the wind in the trees!
not NOFX singing their songs
now tell me what you see?
well, i see a room
with what i consider my life mounted on the walls
lyrics, and pictures of bands and my doodles
things from school that i got joy out of
a vote muffin sign
giant playing card
no parking signs and news paper articles
i lay down on my bed
and close my eyes
i want to see the beautiful sky!
the trees swaying in the wind
and i want to feel the grass as i lay in it!
as much as i die inside with out my music, laptop, and phone
sometimes i wish i could get away from it
and sadly, i can, so i don't have to wish
and i do, not as often as i should
but some times i want someone there with me
so i know im not alone
some one to lay in my back yard with me
to lay and be silent
and just look up at the sky, and think
and relax
and breath fresh air
and how i take my back yard for granted!
because one day ill move, or go to college and no longer have such a relaxing back yard
and maybe
just maybe
i could make that my new escape
instead of cranking up my music and blogging
maybe ill be more peaceful
but can you imagine that?
me being peaceful?
no violence
no swearing
no death
wow, i actually twitched after typing "no death".
that's really depressing, and ill just stop the list there
maybe i'll try that some time instead of dousing myself in gasoline
well, i could go on for and hour or so
but i know that even I wont want to read it
and i actually do read my posts, maybe not right after i post them, or before
but one day
i'll look back
and remember
then blog, cuz ill remember EXACTLY what i was thinking about
and who i was thinking about
and how i was feeling
so this is goodbye for now
to my friends
to my lovers
to my enemies
and
to my haters