7/31/10

i kinda

forgot this app was on my phone


but i just wanted to let u kno that im not dead


and that i was randomly thinking about the only solid goal i ever really had
its kinda stupid
and for a day or so it was semi acheived

but i want to get a wikipedia article
i want someone to acknowledge me and i want many many many people to read it
and actually be interested in me

weather it was an amazing acomplishment
something horriable happend to me or i did something utterly repulsive
or idk
i just want one
and dnt really give two shits how i get one

thats all
goodbye

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7/25/10

my phone

has been spazzing out for bo fucking reason



and i wanna bith
but i dnt feel like typing it




w.e
night

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7/22/10

this is the last

post that im going to have
at least on a computer
untill aug 20



blahhhhh




i may not b able to read every ones tho
D:

7/21/10

awe, ms moye!!!

she leaving
and she was like one of my fav teachers


me who

i was reading old blogs
and i searched hate to find my i hate posts
but cldnt
and i found a line saying that i wasnted to "slit my fucking throat"
then i looked up slit
and there were alot
and i noticed that i say that line alot

blah

thats all






for now





ps
i saw the guy on my bus that i stalk yesterday
:)
but he was walking
wearing the same different pants
idk
hes smexxxxxi!

3 more days....

i woke up at 1am
barfed...twice
then went back to sleep around 3

and i still taste it in my mouth x_x
i wish i had enough time to brush my teeth b4 i left too

any who

between me falling asleep and waking up for school
i had a dream
and it was like scary as all shit
and emo

so i woke up and couldnt really move
like it took alot of effort
and i looked up at my arm
and it had all these really deep wounds that were all scared over
and i had no idea wat was going on so i walked dwn stairs and saw my parents crying
and i was trying to tlk to them but they couldnt see or hear me

it was freaky shit
and idk...just like
idk

im wearing my saosin shirt
and im wearing my warped tour shirt to the i drive concert
so dnt think about it maranda
i hax dibs xDD

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7/20/10

blaaaah

my stomach wldnt shut up

so i ate some life

and after like 5 bites i felt bloated


now i feel sick x_x


nap time for meeee

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im thinking

in my head
of course

about people
and stuff

and yesterday

it was fun
i hung out with someone
who i think i may like

haha

i didnt get home till
almost 11
and i was dwn twn since 7
thats a long time
also, i didnt eat since the peice of pizza i had sunday at like, 7
im mean to my body like that, but im just not that hungry

i might buy lunch cuz i want something to drink, or ill just buy a tea
i need to put money on my card

ne who...

yesterday
i tld him wed only be able to hang out for an hr or so
but it was longer than that
i txted my dad telling him i was hanging out with ppl from my school that graduated, but turns out i never sent it

any who
it was raining
and we went to the library
and that has no point whatsoever becides we both hated being quite
haha

and we went by the river
and i got sand in my mouth
and they were playing epic music at the game
and some random homless guy came and sat like right next to us
and started eating a bag of chips
it was funny

and some how he convinced me to trade him my checkered wristband for some silly bands
but there are two guns
really child friendly

he also convinced me to give him one of my necklaces
haha
he picked my razor with the skulls
because my brass knuckles were really long
and my razor looked less awkward with his necklace

then i was going to catch my bus that came at 930
and we ran into zach
and we went to the river
then i caught the t
and went home
and tuned my dad out as he bitched at me

zach was trying to keep me dwn twn because he wanted to no b alone till 1130 cuz he was waiting for someone
and erik might b there
but i figured not getting bitched at wld b better

and now i think the two of them are going to start tlking
because one will sell weed to the other
its odd
and the whole time there were tlking about random drugs
and i was sooooo lost
haha

now im just going on about nothing
because this class is ass
blahhhhhhh

the i drive concert is friday :DDD
and i think i was invivted to elanas or daynas with krystal that day
the evacuation is today x_x
i swear if its raining, im leaving
fuck that
haha







is the day over yett?

7/19/10

slurpeeeeeeee

i had a slurpe this morning
thanks dani
and i keep trying to call her nikki
x_x
uggggg


i want another one
maybe after school, or tomorrow


i guess i better do work
because i dont want to fail
well, i dont really care
except for math
and science
because im good in mcas or mos or w/e its called
and careers isnt a core class


so we are the seniors
yay?
blah

i went on this rant about how i want to go to a 4 year college not near home
so i might check out that school that "the dream killers" told me about
because its really my only option
because its like the only 4 year becides point park that has what i want to do
idk
maybe ill decide for sure after ccac
i cant fail that
cuz my parents will b pissed that they have to pay for it
not like they should care

blah
im pissed i cnt go with colleen to coneaut
i need to go camping with my family
i tld them i wasnt going
i hope it conflics with cedar point
blah
and i forget exactly wen that is
and idk if im going with maranda to nc or not
maybe she sld leave a comment saying if i am or not
hehe
ummmm, idk wat to say on this topic


its hot
and sticky


blah, i just wanted to be alone
i got off at my early stop
and walked to eyeball
and sat there
then ppl came
i wanted to goto the river to be alone
but i didnt want to sit there

blah
i feel better now
by that i mean
i dnt WANT to be alone
but i wldnt mind it
i also wldnt mind being with ppl

i need to do something for a scholarship
blah

my stomach hurts
and the slupee helped
i was going to eat a bagel
but the sight of it was nauseation
i think im dying x_x

i was going to sleep in my fort last night
but i cldnt manage to stay comfortable
so i cleared off my bed
and slept there

careers class makes me just want to live under a rock
it makes me not want to goto college
and not try to get a job
because i dont want to loose all this money
and im thinking about getting a more basic degree thing
because i dnt wanna waste alot of money
and not do nothing
but something has me conviced that i will
thats a mistake

im gonna go
and go look for colleges
or play games
blahh
w/e

7/18/10

didnt do ne homework

and sitting in my corner
probably gonna spend the night here



bye




ps im fucked and gonna fail






pss i drive concert on friday :))

7/17/10

i wanna do something

thats not in my house

i hate when my cuzings get a bf/gf
because i usually hate them wen i meet them
except for this time

i like my cuzigs gf
she was nice
:)
and didnt appear to be a skankey bitch
like one of my other cuzins

hmmm, i wonder if they are still together
w/e i probably wont see him till god knows wen

i dnt even think i want to have my grad party
because
idk
i just dnt


and im listening to finch
and i havent listened to them since sas
it was wen i was like first inlove with simple plan
i went to the library
and looked up bands like simple plan
made a power point
and checked out their cds and listened to them
offspring was another one of the bands
and i guess i wont remember the others untill i hear of them again

btw, i saved my powerpoint of a floppy disk
haha


today i went to my baby cuzins bday
it wasnt as bad as i thouhgt it was
i saw my uncle that lives in canada
i havent seen him since my aunt funnereal
actually, idr if he was there
but i think my mom said he asked if he cld b a pole bearer
idk, other than that
i havent seen him in like 10 years
i just smiled and walked past him not thinking he remembered me
then like 2 mins later he was like
"are u hollianne?"
he accent is aborable
its so faint, but its there :)

idk y
but today is a day for remembering things of the past
and how they use to b
and wat not
its just...awkward

i kinda wish i had an old life and old friends worth remembering
even tho i do
but not in the same sense
like the kind that i have to remember
because i moved far away from it all
instead of it slowly moving away from me

meh

iv always wanted to like, magicially re-find some of these ppl i use to be really good friends with
just like b working at the same place
and then start tlking

idk y i never thought to look them up on facebook
i think ill do that

bah
trust me, ill b back

this is just to say

that i didnt blog
and didnt read ne blogs
even tho because of this i did blog

bah w/e u get the pointtt!

7/15/10

i just remembered...

the creeper gym teacher from sas

he wore the same thing every day
except one day
we were so excited
we were all like wooo hooo mr. smith
it was funny
we like threw a mini party on the plaza

he also drove a creeper van
and we wld always he slept in it
but we were right

IT WAS ALWAYS PARKED IN THE SAME SPOT AND WAS NEVER NOT THERE!!!!!

haha
there was also a rumor that he creeped on the grls in the bathrrom
cuz there was a hole in the wall







sometimes i actually miss st annes

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yet another boring bus ride

pictures r today
soooo i need to make sure i look as close to perfect as i can
i havent been sitting right in the front like i normally do
mainly cuz the other city high and capa ppl arnt here
and the other dude that goes to some other random school
and thats not stalkerish because i kno him
well...i kno him in the sense that we awkwardly wave at each other in the mornings id wlk from the first stop to eyeball and pass his other stop

haha...ne ways

speaking of stalking...
theres a hot guy on my bus...

i think i sld start sitting next to him
and start a conversation about something

he wears the same pants each day
probably not the same pair
but they are all exactly the same
haha

im a stalker


i need to not pass out till after my pics

i dnt wanna fuck up my foundation
which may i say
i did a good job with

i finially figured out how to do it with out making it look powdery
sooooooooo

yea

im gonna post this b4 the tunnel

toodles! :}

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7/14/10

tired

pictures tomorrow

that means i get to sweat all night in order to have more perfect hair
blah

im gonna put on foundation in the am

and its gonna probably looks like shit by noon
x_x

i hope it looks fine

im just getting the mandatory school year book picture
and my moms friends husband are going to take my senior pics
because i told my mom not to waste her money once she brought up that option

and this guys good
he took the most adorable picture of his daughter, it looked to perfect
it was of her blowing a dandi lion
absolutely gorgeous!


the only thing is when my mom called she said that her friend said that hed be excited for having a real person that wants to be photographed and can listen to him
but she said it in alot less words

so im gonna go when it gets nice
because he wanted to take pictures outside

and at this point idc

i mean, it wld have been nice to have one of me in a cap and gown
o wellz
this will be more funn

i hope

haha

good bye summer, you just keep dwindling away
uggg

wh hasn't felt like this at atleast one point in their life?



damn you brokencyde...

i love Jedward!

and they have team jedward shirts
i checked after having the idea for them

BUT!!!
i found out depressing news!!!!
EDWARD RIPED A TENDON IN IS LEG AND MAY NEVER B ABLE TO DANCE AGAIN!!!!

o well

haha

i<3Jedward

and apartment red

and the x factor

and john grime
and edward grime
and jedward

7/13/10

why does it always feel like..

i havent blogged in forever
and today especially
its only been a day

idk but my time judgment has be fucked up like no other
and today my time was just awkward

but yea

i feel bad because my thoughts on going to someones grad party really simply depended on who else rsvp-ed
thats y i like face book

i mean, i want to go
but someone that hates me for no real reason at all rsvp-ed
so i dont plan to go

it wld just make my life simplier

anywho...

i really need to start tlking to ppl untill i jump into texting them
x_x
haha, because i got this dudes number from myyearbook
and then like 3 msgs later hes all like "why does everyone hate me?"
and "well when bobby hangs out with people that all hate me" or something like that
and my thoughts where "omfg, am i talking to an 8 year old girl?!??!"
and "damn, i hope he doesnt txt back"


i still cant get over what someone said it me
"i almost cut myself last night, i had the knife, then my mom called me for dinner"
maybe those wernt the exact words
but i cried
maybe it was just for the simple fact of the person it was
someone that seems invincible, almost did something so weak
i mean other people have told me that
and its not that i didnt care, its just that this time i cried
it was awkward
and kind of scary
but i guess we all have moments of weakness
and we all wear a mask to hide out emotions, and to make us into something we arnt
so, i guess that also means that we are fake?

speaking of fake..
how can u define someone as fake
because i always assumed it was acting like something ur not
in which case, i guess u could say im fake at times
along with a shit load of people in the world
unless u are 100% open about everything to everyone and never lie, you are fake
so basically, liars are fake

speaking of fake

this doesnt relate at all
but im giving up on someone
simply because, my heart and head dont ever agree
so i think i need to think with my head more than my heart before i try jumping in a relation ship
because my heart falls for people easily
and my head just sits their and convinces me otherwise
blah blah blah
i over complicate my life
w.e i should be use to it by now
and if im not
its my own dumb fault


w/e at night its so hot i just have been getting showers in the morning, so i really need to go back to sleep

and pictures are on thursday

and i fell like this is one of my more "heart-felt" posts that i've done in a while
i also think its more than me just updating because i feel as if it has become my bastard child
and i dont think i used that in the right contex

bah

night world, have a better tomorrow

7/12/10

i feel like sounding emo...

i wish my skin were like paper
easy to cut
hard to repair
every crumple and rip and scratch will show
that way you will know
you will be able to see my pain
like a magnifier into my soul
see my every pain and ache is from
look into my soul
see what i have been through
see how i really feel
and see who i really am

they say that life is surreal
but all i can see is agony amidst the darkness
if only you could jump into reality
a reality that's not sugar coated
if only you could see what life really consists of

you are a poor sheltered spoiled soul
and the day you are free, you will crash
and my one and only instinct will be to laugh
because my pain now, will bring ecstasy
and you joy now, shall bring sorrow

so in the end
when you look back
comparing out lives
you will see that my survival lead me to success
and you greed led you to misery

-------------------------------------------------------
=======================================================
-------------------------------------------------------
the first few lines just appeared in my head
so i decided to make it something
and since my songs are mostly ass
i was like, ill just "blog" it
bah
w/e
this class is boring as piss and i have nothing to do at the fuck all

blah blah blah blah blah blah
ohhhh la la la
radda radda
oh nice car

idk, its bad romance
but not

7/11/10

faqk!!!

that mean fuck

i cut the bottom of my foot
on my unfinished hard wood floor
i fucking hate this house and everything in it

thats all im going to say about that

i finially got pissed enough at the front of my phone case that i took it off for good
but now i cant get use to it not being there
i wish i had a job so that i had money to spend on my phone
i dont want to deant or scratch it
i really just want to leave it sitting on my bed at all times
its so, dare i say, perfect and beautiful

and i dediced on its name being revy
after the rev
because, well i just did
now i have to get use to calling it that
because im still stuck on the generic name of phoney

w/e im gonna watch some u tube and call it a night

peaceee

wow

there is really a button on u tube videos that add a vuvuzulla sound
haha

btw, i love them :DDDDD
and i have an app for that
and i want some
bahahahaha



thats the video i first found with it
and its my new bc13 addiction
is soooo easy to get addicted to their songs
like i think their songs are the only ones i ever post on here...

7/10/10

this addiction

im making a video from warped tour
but since windows movie maker is retarted and didnt wanna work...
im using adobe premire pro
which doesnt work right on my laptop...
idk
i hope it doesnt like shit

and this addiction is the one i put there
because i wanted to
and i was gonna do it for person
but i cldnt remember the name of ne songs the casualties did becided blitzking bop
and i cld only find that by the ramones
and since this addiction was downladed before that...i used it

haha

7/9/10

hes singing in spanish...how didnt u kno he was mexican!!!

tehehe
good times caused by warped tour

but i dnt feel like sharing them here
cuz its too much effort

and my last one posted not all of it
blah

but i just listened to alkaline trios song my addiction
they are better live

ummm...yea im dwn twn on the buss
and my stops like next

byezzzzzzz

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7/8/10

warped tour

was amazing im still in disbeleif that i was there and im going next year and im not gonna go on

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7/5/10

you gonna fuck on me??!?!

no, no, no ones gonna fuck on u!!!
i hate godzilla too!
he destroys citys!

bahaha
i fucking love the hangover!!! :DDDD

2days till warped tourrr!! :D

7/4/10

it just slipped out

something i only trusted with about 2 or 4 people
now some one else knows
and more than knows
and now i fell like telling every one

telling them what i regret
and having to act like it doesnt phase me
and have it restrict me

an now i think someone else know
gawd, i hate wat i put myself thru
i hate wat i have become

i just hate...everything sometimes

i hate wen i stand out
and i hate when i fit in

i love being home
and i hate it too

idk, im not gonna make this a rant about my contradicting life

but maybe ill have enough balls to ell the world my little secret
and flaunt it like i dnt give to shits
but if i do
it will kill me

at least inside




















on a side note...
im super geeked about wed!!!!
aka
warped
fucking
tour!!

muhahaha











txt messages that say "i wanna b home with my blades...i want to fucking die" are not nice

7/3/10

My birthday forcast..

If You Were Born Today, June 27: Famous people born today: Tobey Maguire, Julia Duffy, Lionel Richie, Helen Keller.

Your Birthday Year Forecast: A Full Moon in your Solar Return chart marks this as a year of great personal significance, when major new beginnings, endings, and activities occur. This period is the culmination of a stage of personal growth and development. Events occurring this year may bring various developments in your emotional, psychological, or spiritual life over the past several years to a head. Relationships are especially important. There can be increased activity in your professional and public life, causing a conflict with your domestic and personal goals. There is little moderation in your life this year. Connections are made or ended; or your job focus may change as one focus fades to make way for a new direction. The year ahead is certain to be a very busy, dynamic, and significant period in your life.

This Full Moon is a Lunar Eclipse, and the need to turn over a new leaf is very strong this year. It's a year of change and transformation for you. Your relationships are in strong focus and are the catalysts for these personal changes.

In September, Saturn transits square your Sun, and while this influence can bring some added responsibilities, it is designed for you to learn to become more realistic about your capabilities, more self-reliant, and stronger in character.

However, Pluto is opposing your Sun this year--an influence that begins in January 2011. The intensity of your self-expression may have the effect of alienating you from others' help or sympathy at times this year. It's important during this period to choose your battles wisely, as you can very easily become drained by obsessive thoughts and possibly resentments. You are learning to reclaim your personal power through the mirror of your relationships.

This transit marks a major growth period in your life in which you struggle with the buried elements of your personality and ego as you learn to accept, transform, or face them. You may be acting in a controlling, jealous, or overbearing manner which can alienate others or even push them away. This comes from a deep fear of letting go and surrendering to the idea that some things cannot be directed or controlled. As this fear surfaces, your behavior may be compulsive or obsessive; or you may experience these traits through someone close to you, especially a male. Either way, you are learning to detach yourself or let go of something, someone, or attitudes that are no longer serving you well. You might fear the loss of a person, a lifestyle, a job, or other significant part of your life. What you need to do is avoid turning this into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The fear itself may lead you to compulsive, suspicious, or difficult behavior; and this behavior might cost you the very thing that you hold dear. You tend to act on impulse and often don't listen to reason--even your own! You may have to deal with wilfulness and issues of power and competition this year--in others and in yourself. There is an inner drama taking place, and a feeling that external circumstances are undermining your own feeling of powerfulness. In the process, you may be able to get in touch with your internal motivations.

You are likely to be actively involved with teamwork and collaboration with others this year. There may be an increased need for sexual union, as your passions are stirred and in general you meet with ease when attempting to satisfy your desires through positive connections with others. There may be the beginning of a significant new relationship, or the intensification of an existing romance.

You are especially busy this year. At times, you may feel like the pace of your life is running ahead of you. You can be particularly productive, however, in all types of communications--writing, speaking, learning, teaching, and so forth.

Social and love relationships this year involve some challenges regarding decisions about sticking with past behaviors and breaking out into new territory.

Decision making may be a little challenging this year, as you might often have to choose between traditional methods and progressive new ones. In the process, you can rid yourself of negative thought patterns. You need to be aware of the possibility that you are pushing people away without realizing it with the manner in which you express yourself, which could be too negative or suspicious. Calling upon your intuition and imagination will help you to make the right choices.

Saturn in opposition to Uranus around the time of your birthday suggests some restlessness. Attempts to assert your individuality, freedom, and originality undermine your feelings of groundedness and security. Yet, you are not satisfied when you conform. There may be sudden and unexpected twists that force you to do something different or that help free yourself from old habits. Adjusting your plans is in order, and striking a balance between convention and innovation is the challenge. Setbacks tend to be temporary and often lead to new, more creative paths or solutions. Ambivalence is likely and could color many of your interactions.

Jupiter joined with Uranus is also found in your Solar Return chart, and this suggests the need for progressive change in your life. You might take risks (perhaps, but not necessarily, foolish ones) for the sake of freedom. You are open to new energies, approaches, and attitudes. Fortunate events occur as a direct result of your willingness to entertain the unusual and to think outside of the box. Enthusiasm runs high, the desire for freedom from restrictions is strong, and thirst for adventure is with you.

The year ahead is a significant one in which you find yourself in high demand. You might often feel that you are doing balancing acts as your priorities shift and you adapt to changes. You have much to learn through your relationships. You are likely to form or cement positive bonds with others, particularly with people who help you to assert yourself in a positive manner.


2010 is a Number Nine year for you. Ruled by Mars. This is a year of completion and transition. It is a time when we need to let go of things that no longer serve their purpose, and hold on to things that have a future. It is a time of cleaning out dead wood, not necessarily for new beginnings. It can be a time when a burden has been taken off your shoulders, and it can be a year of giving of yourself. Advice - let go of things that are holding you back, give of yourself and express your sympathetic, compassionate side.

2011 will be a Number One year for you. Ruled by the Sun. This is a year of action. The seeds you plant now, you will reap later. Others might find you less sociable, as you are busier than ever and you focus on your activities and your needs. Still, you are outgoing and your initiative is stronger than ever. Advice - Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express
independence.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
i wanna say that i hope some of it comes true
i wanna say i think thats its already starting too
i wanna say this is the whole book of my life unfolded before my eyes
but i know that these stupid horoscopes are so generic they reflect everyones life

if u read this, u may agree too
im gonna go read someones else's and see if i think its them

sydney white

just got done watching that
and now im thinking bout college and shit
and the educational aspect of me knowing imma fuck up
and the social aspect of me knowing that im never gonna goto a normal school and experience a normal school experience
i mean catholic school...then charter school then a vocational school in nyc that doesnt like have normal college dorms or sorieties or faternaties or nething
idk
maybe im just being weird
like im not the only one
and i kno there has to be atleast 5 people in the universe that are exactally like me
idk wat else to say
but yea
i kinda want to goto a normal college
and i kinda still wanna goto a normal high scholl
but w.e
imma go i guess
s

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7/2/10

lyrics...maybe

lost in the letters that gently rest on the paper my pen sweetly stains
i watch as it runs deep into my heart and soul
and you'll watch it run out of my eyes

its lame
but it always sounds better in my head
so i guess i lied

uggg, drama between two people
or more
and i go pulled in to it
one person tld me to start a rumor bout the other that she has mono
but i wont
even tho the other chick deserves it
bahaha

still around

by 3oh!3 is stuck in my head

we got pssa scores back
i got proficent in math reading and writing
and basic in science

thank god science doesnt count

blah blah blah

i gotta go to my meeting with the dream killers
i think imma convince her i wanna get into MIT or some shit
bahaha

im sooooooooooooooooooooo geeked for warped tour :DDDD

tehehe

btw, my last post was my 300th :D

haha
byezzz

7/1/10

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Looking down, 30,000 miles above the ground, the guy behind me says he's scared to death. Can't sit still and he's short of breath, but no one hears

i wanted to make the title your not alone, there is more to this i know!
but then i realized i already did..


bah
i started this in science
or math
now its an hr or so after
and im in my first elective

i walked into the room and said "crap i accidentily brought a good book to this class!"

haha

idk wat else to say
got stuff on my mind a guess

idk
alot happenedish yesterday
or so it feels like it did

blaaaaaaaaaah
i <3 columbine
i think imma read it now :)

blah, get outta/off my mind!!!!

tired

so im posting
i feel like i neglect this wen i dnt post every day
idk

a bunch of short shorts and fags r jizzing over twilight now
just saying...