why does it always feel like..

i havent blogged in forever
and today especially
its only been a day

idk but my time judgment has be fucked up like no other
and today my time was just awkward

but yea

i feel bad because my thoughts on going to someones grad party really simply depended on who else rsvp-ed
thats y i like face book

i mean, i want to go
but someone that hates me for no real reason at all rsvp-ed
so i dont plan to go

it wld just make my life simplier

anywho...

i really need to start tlking to ppl untill i jump into texting them
x_x
haha, because i got this dudes number from myyearbook
and then like 3 msgs later hes all like "why does everyone hate me?"
and "well when bobby hangs out with people that all hate me" or something like that
and my thoughts where "omfg, am i talking to an 8 year old girl?!??!"
and "damn, i hope he doesnt txt back"


i still cant get over what someone said it me
"i almost cut myself last night, i had the knife, then my mom called me for dinner"
maybe those wernt the exact words
but i cried
maybe it was just for the simple fact of the person it was
someone that seems invincible, almost did something so weak
i mean other people have told me that
and its not that i didnt care, its just that this time i cried
it was awkward
and kind of scary
but i guess we all have moments of weakness
and we all wear a mask to hide out emotions, and to make us into something we arnt
so, i guess that also means that we are fake?

speaking of fake..
how can u define someone as fake
because i always assumed it was acting like something ur not
in which case, i guess u could say im fake at times
along with a shit load of people in the world
unless u are 100% open about everything to everyone and never lie, you are fake
so basically, liars are fake

speaking of fake

this doesnt relate at all
but im giving up on someone
simply because, my heart and head dont ever agree
so i think i need to think with my head more than my heart before i try jumping in a relation ship
because my heart falls for people easily
and my head just sits their and convinces me otherwise
blah blah blah
i over complicate my life
w.e i should be use to it by now
and if im not
its my own dumb fault


w/e at night its so hot i just have been getting showers in the morning, so i really need to go back to sleep

and pictures are on thursday

and i fell like this is one of my more "heart-felt" posts that i've done in a while
i also think its more than me just updating because i feel as if it has become my bastard child
and i dont think i used that in the right contex

bah

night world, have a better tomorrow