careers!!!

is funn
we have our interviews
and im sitting here
tlking about random shit
its funny
xDDD

thehe
we sld have more days like this
:D

i need someone to vent too

but theres nobody to turn too
with the bridges i burn instead of build
story of my life

usually my birthday is shit
usually school is shit
but this birthday it was fun
today school was decent
and being not at school was shit

idk
somethings wrong with me today
i hope its not this year

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sorry i've neglected you...

i read everyones blog i follow
im still behind on watching my u tube videos
i think i missed the lockerz redemption
i replied to everyones birthday wishes

im going to warped tour :)
or at least supposed to be
my dad doesnt want me and thinks i need adult supervision
hes being a dick
and i spazzed on him
i was like "if u think im walking around all day with u, ur wrong"
and blah blah blah
idk y i need supervision there, because ne thing i cld do there, i could have, i mean my schools down twn. and there are alot more privite areas than at a fucking concert
hes being a dick
and if he says i can go ill get my shit for school
and just go over marandas
and go back to sleep
then wake up in a few hrs
and go ne ways
and then theyll b like where are u
and ill b like warped tour
so fuck him

bah
ne who
im gauging my ears
and they hurt like a bitch
and they still arnt all they way thru

blahhhh
w/e
im out

jack boxly

is james
haha xD

fffffffffffack

i posted this big lng long
from my phone
about my dysgunctional family

and if didnt post
ugggg
w/e

stop looking at me like that and just say somethin

arg...not like the person this is directed too can see it
but...nvm....doesnt matter

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a better place a better time

has been on repeat for the past hr or so

it feels like my heart has sunk
and has been concumed by my no existant soul

idk if that made ne sense
but to me it does

goodbye...maybe

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just a random thought...

sometimes i wonder if life is worth living
and if there is even a point
one of the thing that pisses me off alot is knowing that there are all these questions that cant b answered
idk y
but thats how it is

but yea...my main point is:::
arnt we just living to die?

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new song :)

i like it
its kinda up there next to "the end"

ne who the link is down there
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv






http://moosickinmyhead.blogspot.com/2010/06/all-we-have-left-it-today.html

collllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeenanananana!

turns out that creeper just used a pic of brad pit
haha

sooooooo if u think brad pitt is cute/hot
then yes he is

lolz


james said he was gonna go and pretend hes my bf and yell at him
it shall b funny xD

to be honest my life has been an abortion, or at least it should have been

thats from the heroin diaries btw

but sometimes i feel like that

any who

today:::
i went to a funereal
i felt guilty
because last year, i was pissed at this guy
i dnt kno him
but we had to go ti his suprise bday party on my 16th bday
so i was being pissy
but who wldnt b?
i just remember saying
"we r gonna yell suprise and hes gonna have a heart attack and die!!!!"
yea..

then i went to my grandmas house
my favorite cusin was there :)
and his brothers like 2 year old son
i wanted to cry
and i wanted to see my other cusin
i havent seen eiter of them for like 5 or 6 years
if not more
and hes going into the military
and im not gonna b able to see him for god knows who long
i think hes there for 5 years
we barley talked tho
we had a nice chat about music
and my school and wat im doing after and what not
thats about it
and i kept thinking of all the fun we had wen we were younger
and that made me sad
;\
it was hard not to cry
and wen i hugged him i didnt want to let go
lolz
hes just that amazing of a person :)

now im home
school tomorrow


oh yea
for a second i though that Stephen Jerzak was the lead singer of Owl City
gawd, i use to love Stephen Jerzak
and tlk to him in comments :D
i wld have felt sooo bad if he was
but hes not
so it doesnt matter
and his shit is still good :)



ps coll, my myspcae stalker is NOT cute x_x

hehe

i get to go see mu cuzin zach!!!!!
yay
im sooooo happy!!!!
I havent seen him since his brothers graduation
so he was like 16 then
and my dad said hes 21 now
gah..i miss him...like alot
hes my favorite cuzin
and even tho i said next time i saw him im gonna ignore him, i wont
haha

like everyone on that side of my family is going into the army
blah

basicially the point of this was to explain wat i wld b saying in a high pitched squeek

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this creeper on myspace...

this random guy keeps asking me out and wat not, and asked me if id go out with him if he was famous, blah blah blah...so i was on mysapce today, and this is what he sent me::::

ok but i think your really hot and i want to be in your pants
i want to take the virginity away from your virgin vagina and breasts
i love you with all my heart Holli
This love I feel runs deep inside,
With you I never have to hide,
You wrap your arms around me tight,
And I never feel the need to fight,
I love you more than I can say,
That love grows on as here we lay.
As you lean to kiss my head,
I think about that book I read,
The one where they had the perfect life,
The one where she grew up to be his wife,
They lived happily until the end,
I want this with you, I wont pretend.
You make me feel so alive and real,
I want to tell them how I feel,
I want to tell them how it is to be,
As in love as you and me,
You make me want to scream it out,
And tell the world what our love's about.
But really I just want you to know,
I will always let my love for you show,
Even when we are really mad,
And times are just really bad,
I'll say those three words to make it right,
So you can stay and hold me tight.
----------------------------------------------
it made me laugh
hysterically

and im about 75% sure it was coppied from some random persons something or odd
but i wanted to share it with u :D

bahaha

i love...

when good music finds me :)
like how the the summer circuit found me
:)<3

i love when something/someone can make me so happy
it just fills my heart with little butterflies
and it feels like im floating out of wherever im sitting
and, i don't know how to explain it

but that ever to rare feeling
i feel now
:)

go check them out
http://www.myspace.com/thesummercircuit


[ps, they are soooooo tied wit the i drive for my fav local band. then thank you dahling, then either jaded holly or call paula...maybe...idk, maybe its just cuz those are the other names i can remember...and if i can remember them i had to have done that for a reason, right?]

sitting in math class

my teacher reminds me of wheezy waiter
because of his beard
and he winks alot
and he mentioned coffee...once

im supposed to be doing my POW
but im done
i did it in careers and MCAS

im hungry
which is odd
cuz i ate breakfast

i was nominated to go to graduation
and represent the jouniors or something
i dnt kno how the fuck that managed to happen
but i guess i wanna go
but i dnt
cuz i dnt wanna cry
i dnt want to sit in a big stuffy place
for like 3 hrs
watching even more proof that some of my close friends are leaving me

thats y i didnt go last year
but i feel, idk wat is it
but idk
maybe its a sense of obligation
and how im just learning to say no
its hard

today i took a math test
it was fine
then i took the honors part
i turned it in blank
i dont under stand this shit
and my teacher told me to look at my notes
i found the ones that applied
but they were all just random numbers
non of them made a bit of sense
i looked at the instructions and tried to comprehend it
but nothing

idk, i cant even comprehend what i read
i cant make it make any sense wat so ever
i cant comprehend it
i and pick it apart and make any sense of it

what have i done to my self?
is this me just quitting and self conscienly not givving a shit?
or is this just me being completley brain dead

uggggg
w/e

i guess i dnt care


sas fair tonight
graduation tomorrow
or the garage fair with my parents
something tells me graduation would be better
for both me and them...





ps i jacked someones old gauges
and gaused my ears some more
they are real gauges :D
instead of earring that i made into gauges
but they are missing a ball
and i have an eraser
i need another ball
or bigger ones
i forget what size
i think a 12
no, 14
because normal ones are like 20 or 18
and it barley hurt
well, not compared to my ghetto gauge

for like the first time ever

i got approve by a bitch of the admin saying i was in dress code

that all


oh yea..
and i love the way people replace the name of the person they are talking about witty "you"
they dont normally use he, or him, or her, or she...they always you
unless its obvious about what they are tlking about
but ppl almost never use their name
i just found that interesting

now, thats all

doesnt anyone...

blog when they are happy?
all i read is depressing things
but then again, when ur happy y wld u blog about it?
unless u blog every day about ut day
then i guess it wld be happy

luft need to be quite
hes tlking to honors kids in the hall
hes loud

i got the shoe lecture again
*sigh*
idc
i wanted to "make a deal"
that if i have my shirt tucked in every day, if then i can keep them


iv been having he urge to cry since last night
and i dnt kno y
ever time i feel the tear fill my eyes, i look away and up
t make them go back where they came from

i knew that as soon as you asked "can i ask u something" it wld do someting
wither upset me
or piss me off
it pissed me off
so i kno that thats not it

someone just mentioned dorsey
and that reminded me of the panutbutter song that him and brandon made
and the theater
i still never heard that

today is the last day that the seniors are gonna b here
and im not really as sad as i was last year
i think i was closer with less people then than now
and now i probably hate more than i like
probably not
meh

im thinking of what else to write
but i cant
so im just going to try to ramble on till i think of something
or not


oh yea!
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MARANDA AND COLLEEN!!!!!:::
dont make plans for friday
we are going to st annes school fair
along with shane
and maybe my friend from st annes, krystal, and two of her brentwood friends
and zach might b comming, if his plans change
soooo, yea
we shall have funn
and reackee havoc
and i cnt spell
:D

i guess thats all for now
and luft is still talking
but im gonna sit here and play games
or look at my work
or do science
because i almost never do work in the class it applies to
except science, and my electives
but thats just cuz i have to other work to do in them
in mcas i do carees or science
in science i do careers science or text to film
in text to film i do txt to film or science
so math is really the only class i do its work in
haha, i lied, i dnt do work in that class
except for pows which i to in mcas, or careers

blah
my nail polish is chipping off
so i might just take it off tonight
r tomorrow
and try to do a french mancure, with colourfull tips
or with silver tips
or black with glitter
or just colourfull
or one silver one black
or just random design things with colorr
i think imma ask ashlee if i can borrow her nail polish detailer things xD
or maranda, cuz i kno she has a black one
ill jsut idk
haha

ummm, idk
im ouwt

get ready

for more frequent short posts
i got an app for blogger
but, sadly, i can only post
and not real urs
but omg...my phone has the internet!!! haha
and i haz my school laptop
but i can still say connected during break
w00t w00t

ne who tomorrow is the seniors last day
and friday me and ppl r going to the sas fair
muhahaha...well shall has more funn with shaney shane and his randomness thab last year
maybe well find another rick astley casset :p
lmao

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break me down if it makes u feel right...

i think thats already a title
oh well

gawd i just wanna cry
my stomach is killing me again
and my mom was being a bitch about it

like yesterday my stomach was hurting
and even tho i was tired as shit
and even tho i only got 2 hrs of sleep
i cldnt sleep in class cuz of ho badly it hurt

but yea
idk
idc

today is the last lunch with the seniors
and i really dnt think it will effect me when they leave
becauae im kinda glad
i have more friend ppl in their grade
but idk
i just dnt feel all "aww they are leaving forever"
but last year it upset me

sorry, im getting off topic

but moral of the story...
i feel like shit
and i think i look like shit
x_x

theres an app for that

so my computer is becomeing more and more useless
w/e
i no longer have to urge to care about work force

i hate this school, i wanna move so badly cuz i cnt stand to b here, and if we move maybe i can go to a shcool closer, that doesnt sucks ass, doesnt have fagish rules, and can let us be us instead of forcing us to conform to their illogical idealizations of how and who we should be, dress, and live out lives.

idk, im just waiting for me to fail grad project so that i can transpher
or move
and try to act like i dnt wanna to go a different school
but "give in" to my parents ne ways

blah

i have a blogger app
but i can only post
so imma need to go online to read the people that i follows post

i still preffer the normal internet to phone internet
well, at least for face book
and everything but twitter and urban dictionary and pandora
or w/e its called


w/e
night

fells like its been a while

yesterday i went to sams club
to pick out my phone
because there was an epic discount

it got the hts moment
i think
its a slider
has a key board
and touch screen
i need to keep it for atleast a year
because we can upgrade every year
w00t w00t

and i cldnt get it activated
because i didnt have my account number

so my parents are suppoed to go today
and get it so i can keep my number
damn my stuberness

and then i have to wait for 2-24 hrs b4 it flips over
and like really activates
and ummm, yea

i just really hope that i can keep all my contacts
soooo, idk
the sprint ppl said that i can
it they have a peice
atleast it's a samsung
gawd, id cry with out my contacts D:

blah
idk
im gonna have the internet on my phone
so ill probably almost never use my computer
haha
and i can record videos
so maybe i can send them to u tube r directly upload
r atleast send them to my e-mail save them on my computer and wat not

imma go look at the phone

and there is no point to posting this
because i already tld the whole 2 ppl that read my blog about this
w/e

haha

btw, i need a name for it
heres the list of what it cant b [and and need to b someone famous in some way, and sexy..perferrably not a really common name/ someone i kno]
-ronnie [mp3]
-nikki sixx [black and red chucks]
-tommy lee [red and black chucks]
-nergal crispin [old phone]
-jacobie [old phone]
ummmm, i think thats it

i was thinking of one of these:::
-joe penna [mysterygutairman]
-danial illabica, id call it illy [parkour ftfw]
-chris cole [skateboarder]
-jacky [fallin in reverse]
-shawn morgan [seether]
-scott ian [anthrax]
-zomb1e [gawd i dnt even remember his real name...lets see, subbys were sabs [i think] and zombies was sas, no sbs, maybe, sba...idk...steven was his first name, i think]
-the rev [dah!!!]
-davy havoc [afi]
-dee snider [twiated sister]
and idk y, but i have no urge to name it after marilyn manson
hmmmm, lets see

my top 5
-zomb1e
-joe penna
-danial illabica, id call it illy
-jacky
-davy havoc
---mainly because i can say them with a kins or e sound at the end and they dnt sound laaame!---

-zomb1e kins
-joey, or penny
-illy
-jacky
-davey


hmmmmmm, pickkkkk
doo eeeeet!!!

wont you help a brother out?

and by a brother i mean me, and suicidal people

ur probably like "how can i do that?"
well, just click on the socialvibe thing and to the activities all the way through, it earns minutes of suicide prevention phone calling-nee, and the more people that help, i can get really cool social vibe stuff :D
--------------------------------------------->

thanks a ton, you really don't know how much it means to me :)
[btw, its my action plan for my new grad topic that i plan on sticking to :p]

fall to pieces

in away it feels like im slowly doing that
and slowly sinking farther and farther away from sanity
i've been craving a phone, but for nothing more than convince
seeing as how the main ppl i txt, well, our friend ships have dissipated into nothing but mere memories
and i dnt plan on getting into it and ranting cuz of ass holes
and one, just no talking to someone as much for two weeks totally changes everything

and ill have this phone
and i wont use
except for the time
and to see where people are at
and check up on people

w/e
not my fucking fault

and if sprint cant keep my number or get my contacts, i will have a bitch fit
and i will force my dad to keep buying cricket or go to a phone company that will
yes, im a bitch at times
especially when i find it 100% appropriate to be
which is rather often when i am

gawd, i cnt believe how recked my life has seemed to get with out a phone

w/e
now topic
if my body is trying to piss me off its working
i was passing the fuck out eairler all fucking day
and i get a shower and lay in bed for 20 mins and i cnt fucking sleep
like what the fuck
and all i wanna do right now is fucking slit my throat punch my screen and pull out every single last piece of my fucking hair...one by one by one
ugggggggg
dsfgjhlkasetrhgdiopsgkysu[eafiojtgkhmnf,ldos;fkjgmndlk;esfrw'e
relfkxknfdl;'

s]dff';,g;r'
ewqerg
'l;'
dfsg'c'lbkvjmdsnal,d;flbckfxjdseal;f'
[;xokfdlsa

I WANNA FUCKING GO TO SLEEP BODY STOP BEING A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT AND DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT U TO DO FOR FUCXKING ONCE

i wanna pass the fuck out x_x

ummm, yea
maranda loves me tho :D
w00t w00t!

and i was tlking to someone last night
about what i was gonna do on my birthday
and i was like i wanna do something with a group of friends
and said person suggested kennywood
and i was like, psht, its too expensive
sooooo, i was like LAZERRRRR TAG FTFW!!!!
tehehe, and since i think lazer storms too small...
imma try to get my parents to buy a party package at fun fest :p
because thats the other place i kno of
tehehe
ummm, yea
and there shall be tag of lazer
and noms
and maybe bowling
but no one like bowling
or do they?!?
hmmm
idk, they probably say no D:
and then i wanna have a sleepy over
with peple
that dnt kno each other
because it wld b funny and awkward!
haha
im mean
but in a good way

idk, ill probably do nothing, but sleep
gotta love me

and how i say im tired
then blab forevrrrrrrrrrr
im just trying to keep awake

and if mr face is here im gonna tell him i blogged about it
because its funny
so thats y im saying thing

blah. idk y i keep signing off
but ill keeps it
:p

peaceeeeeeeeeee

sometimes i just want to punch people in the face :)

and idk y
i just do

i finished filling out like 5 applications
i hope i get hired
or at least an interview SOMEWHERE!!!
i mean even, arie
blah

i wanted to get maranda balls for her car
but my mom said that she doesnt have a car that they can attach to
and i was like "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
so she said i sld get an air freshiner instead
x_x
i didnt :p

but iz sowwy marada, but i may not b able to givez u ur gift to afterz ur birfday cuz i gotta go to grl scouts tomorrow and my mommy wldnt let me buy u balls!
D:
D: D:
D: D: D;
D; D: D: D;
D; D; D;
D; D;
D;

any who...



like all my facebook friends decided to get into relation ships with eachother/other ppl today
haha, i found it funny how i logged on and saw like 38957983247 of those on my screen thing







blah, i guess imma go get a shower now
and just pass out
then wake up
and bitch that my hairs fucked up
because i think about whats gonna happen
then ignore it
x_x

i need to do laundry
i hope i can find a pair of school pants that i dnt completely hate
ugg

byezzzzzzzzzz

it seems like..

everything that i touch, i clench
its odd
i think im mad

but chose not to show it
idk

i need to goto the mall, and but marandas gift, cuz i kno wat im getting her :p
and i wanna say
but she follows my blog
tehehe

oh yea, and im getting her balloons :D

dang me, dang me

outta take a rope and hang me...

any who
did nothing
kinda cleaned my room
no song
did a bit of h/w
might try to finish it
because i kinda dnt wanna fail

im using a REAL book bag again
and idk y
i just kinda had the urge to

i saw an old ex best friend today
it was odd to see her drive
she came up to me and hugged me tho
so im glad she doesnt hate me, like freshmen year
even tho we stopped being friends in like 6th grade, she was grudge holding

ne who
yea thats all

w.e wold

lame is a 7 letter word!

all i did today was sleep, go on the computer, wash my cats, and brush them

now im watching epic movie
[hence the title]

i didn clean, or read, or write like i plenned
uggg

while on aim, i was trying to unblock someone
and i hit the personal folder thing on gmail
in there was a chat, from a bit back
and it made me cry
because of what it said
which was "sometimes i regret not being the one for you, simply because i don't want you to end up with some douche who will use you"
and idk y it made me sad, but it didnt help that i kept reading it and it turned into a deepish conversation

idk
that was my day
and tomorrow i really gotta do shit
but we all kno i wont
so i might tonight..

ive decided...

that im gonna put myself on total lock down in my room this weekend

for a few reasons::
ONE:
i really really want to get that song out
i can feel it bouncing around in there
just waiting for me to find some words and scrible them down untill the form something i can be proud of

[speaking of songs, i need to get ppl to proof them for me, but idk who. and it would depend on the song on who id ask, because i dnt wanna give some one a song and have them b one of those dicks that try to change the whole thing]

TWO:
i really wanna finish the heroin diaries
and i have 2 more books, plus columbine
i have the first hr i believed, and i never got a chance to start that, let alone finish it
so i checked it out and read a few pages, its like 2935832490832 but its kay, because its large print
also i got a book from my friend krystal about unsolved murders in pgh

THREE:
i need to finish homework/actually do it
because im not to fond of failing

FOUR:
im getting bitched at to clean my room x_x

FIVE:
every once in a while, i really enjoy some me time
it seems like every goddamn weekend i have to do something with someone
and all i wanna do is sleep and listen to music, and do the other things i listed
like, idk, its odd...latley i've been feeling the need to be completley anti-social
but i cant get everyone to actually allow me to do that...but i think the anti social goes along with me being depressedish bout the phone

w/e
im tired and couldnt sleep at all throughout the day [and it was a half day]
uggg, i think i may have got 2 hrs at the most if u add up all the times i dozed off for a bit

ne who
night

i saw a misty blur...

thru the crack of my door
payed no attention to it, thinking it was a trick of the eye
then it passed back, and it was more of a blur, and a pretty bigish one
and then what happens, my door opens more
after sitting at that nice little crack for about a half hour

my eyes got attracted to a shadow
it looked like a blob, but then i noticed how it resembled a face
kinda of an animated character
like homer simpson
and at a closer look i saw it moving
the lips
extending, and opening and closing and the bottom lips disappearing

so crazy me, staring at it, concentrating, trying to see what it was telling me
but i couldnt tell
then i saw this light coloured glow around it
that slowly formed into a snake figure and went into the center of the head
then spontanously jumped out toward me, while outlineing the top part of the head

okay i though im going crazy
so i looked away, but my eyes kept finding their way back
thinking it was just me seeing shit, i stood up
and the nose disappear, and the head shape changed
then i took a few slow steps, saying "dont leave, i wont hurt you"
and its head turned back

then i walked untill i could no longer see the shadow
but that white blob where the middle of the head was still remained
and i looked at it for a few seconds, then it disappeared

so i stood there standing in my door way
looking for it
but i coundnt see it
i called out to it "where are you? give me a sign" then looked again

i heard clicking, comming from my parents room
the clicking of their blinds
and i didnt think that they were open because my parents usually close them when it rains
so i checked the two ones facking the street, and the windows were closed
as i walked away, i got a chill[not the word im looking for] as i wlked toward the other window
now my parents room freaks me out
it always has, and it always does
but only when its dark, or im the only one at home, i cant stand to go in there
and its been ever like that since i was little
so i jumped on the bed
and still heard the clicking
and saw an ever slight movement of the blind
"yes, its open" i thought
then i checked
the window was closed

so what did i do?
i booked it too my room, and put all my shoes and shit infront of my door.

ever since that one day i swear on my life that i saw erik harris in my dineing room with that gun, odd things have been happening more frequently, and idk if its my imagination, or what
but its freaking me the fuck out
yet interests me

like when i lamp in out family room kepts randomly turning on and off and brightness, i sat there, and talked to it

i asked it to answer yes and no questions, and tld it how many times to flick the lights
and it was fun
and i wish i coule remember what i asked and the responses

you must think im crazy
and im sorry
i hear things
and i see things
and i assume they are my imagination
but then i tell a few people about something
and we talk about it, and people they know and things they have seen/heard
and its like, maybe im not crazy
maybe i am hearing and seeing things
maybe, just maybe, there is someone here
from another world, or universe, or that didnt "cross over" and maybe they want to tell me something
maybe they want to fuck with my mind
but idk who ever or what ever you or it is, i want you to know that i want to know you

and as i was typing that line {and this one} there is a searing pain in my back

[it stopped once i hit post, i think its reading, or im just having ironc back pains..]

its seems like every day since...

i havent had a phone has consisted of::

me and my dad tlking about plans and phones
arguing
have me cry and get all frustrated and tell him how retarted hes being for an hr
then changing the topic

thats about it..

i've research shit he wanted me to, and we are still no where
x_x

fml
w.e

i passed excel

woo


now
i
want
a
mother
fucking
phone
right
the
fuck
now!

arggggg, its really pissing me the fuck off that my dads taking his good fucking time trying to get one
idfc, now hes gonna have to pay more
so its his own fucking fault for pissing around like a little bitch

do robots dream of electric sheep?

i just really wanted to make that the title
and and since my other post was really long
i thought that this should be short
so ill try to make that happen

1) i want to write a song still, a new one, a good one, a not cliche emo f the world negative one. one that i could submit to a college, because we were talking about adding other stuff in your college application, so i figured i should try that. i really like "the end" but i dnt think that would be that apporpiate for a college...well, maybe, but my teacher wldnt accept it

2) my dad said we are getting a t mobile plan by the end of the week, because he doesnt wanna pay another cricket deal, and the no activation fee ends this week, and i think the buy one get on smart phone does to, gawd i hope i can get the one i fell in love with! maybe if i see if i can get a used phone thats a smart phone my dad will get the data plan, but idk

3) going to the pop corn store tomorrow cuz its a half day, i really hope i have my phone before tomorrow, like, today

4) this isnt as short as i wanted it to be, so yea, im ending it now, bai

for a moment i find hope, and there are days where im not okay and i need ur help, so im letting go

WARNING!!!!!::::THIS IS REALLY LONG!


i've been listening to alot of super chic[k]
and although they are christian rock
they are extremely depressing
maybe extremely is too, powerfull? strong? or a word
maybe i should just say rather depressing
that seems more fitting

in case ne one cares im writing this
and theres someone on my mind
because of their most resent blog post
and for people like this one that post pomes or stories or lyrics and what not
i hate just saying "omg, thats soo good!"
so ive been sitting here trying to think of something more creative
but i cant D=

now i put on hero by superchick
the song that i found when looking for hero heroin
that video taught me about columbine
and the one thats playing right now had a pic of the students crying
which reminds me
i have "the hour i first believed" sitting next to me
yes, its a columbine book
no, i havent finished ther heroin diaries
no, i havent finished columbine
yes, this little section does make it seem that i have an obsession with columbine and heroin
and maybe i do

its funny, i said maybe

but back to the depressed thing
like 3 people came up to me and said that i looked depressed or w/e
and i guess i kinda am
because of the whole not having a phone thing and not txting/tlking to ppl makes me think blah blah blah

wishes by super chick

i love that i constantly make a mockery out of myself
omg, i finally found a word i was looking for
claps for the holli
and no, that wasnt sarcastic
idk, i like just doing retarted shit, and i love watching it back fire in my face
and i love laughing at myself and putting myself down
i like, bully myself.

its beautiful by eleventyseven

idk tho, maybe i got so use to hating me self i just decided to love the hatred i have for myself? idk

i havent written a song in forever
and i want to
but they just arnt comming out right
so i scrap them after a few lines
because they seem damaged beyond repair
maybe ill try again soon
idk
blah

here with me by eleventyseven

no the songs are uber short, and im not typing super slow
im just multi- tasking
and adding the song

ghost by house of heroes

people that are like the people in this song make me laugh
well, kinda
the type of couples that sit there and plan out their whole life together in high school
i just wanna punt them
like really, ur how old?
14, 16, 18?
and u think that u kno who ur gonna be married to when ur 30
and u already have kids names picked out?
u've been dating this person for how long?
a week, or a month, maybe 5months
and u think that ur perfect for each other?
your dumb
now i do think its cute when a high school relationship can last throughout the years with out that constant on and off shit
and they couple gets married
and i think that would be cool to see at the high school reunion

we live- super chick

the seniors graduate soon
i think the week of the 14th is their last week
the graduate on the 19th i think
and then its our turn
june 18, 2011
im not gonna go into my feelings and ideas about it, cuz i really dnt wanna think about it
its stupid
but yea
june 25 2009 is when the seniors last day was
and was when micheal jackson dies
and someones birthday that i kno and occasionally talk to
and june 27 2009 was when the seniors graduated
and my 16th birthday
and someone elses birthday who im related to
and a surprise party for someone that im related to that idek
i hate those 2 people
not because i had to spend my b-day celebrating other peoples b-days
but because the act like they know me
that whole half of my family doesn
and they didnt even wanna b apart of my moms and grandmas and uncles lives untill my aunt died
and the one bitchy daughter
omg, i love how much she hates me
she acts like she owns everything
and and teaching her cuzin to do the same thing
its hilarious really

courage by superchick

i cant wait for my 18th birthday
my paretns said i can get a mohawk when i goto college
and i can get a tattoo when i completley mover out and get my own place
but im gonna do both when im 18
if i have the extra money for a tattoo, but i doubt i will

one girl revolution by super chick

i love how random superchick looks xD


Alive by superchick

i actually really love this song
it makes me want to dance
:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7ikYVGFZ-0&a=h2GDC1pFPqY&playnext_from=ML&playnext=1
in case you wanted to listen to it...

beauty from pain by u guessed it, superchick

i just found out that there is a halifax in pa
i kno where im moving :D
even though canada is better!! haha

myspace by eleventyseven

they kinda remind me of sum41 in this song

and my boobs look awkward in the shirt im wearing
i just felt like sharing that
xD

pure by superchick

i wonder if my parents will be pissed if i get a shower now
its 1:21
and i think they are sleeping
so if i wake them up, they will be
and if it prevents them from sleeping they will be
blah
ill try to wake up at 5 or earlier
cuz im not one of those people that will skip days showering then go out and do stuff with people
especially if i've been sweating
x_x
ewf
i hate when people do that
idk how people cant shower ever day, unless they are just sitting at home not doing nething
like, thats different
idk, maybe im just odd like that

stand up by super chick

still havent re-dyed my hair
i just havent been in the mood
blah

me against the world by superchick

okay, imma goto bed now
night

anthem by superchick

maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda

maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda

i just wanted to post this
becuse i think she ran away!! D=

maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda maranda

please drill a hole in my head

and let the poison flow out
the brains, or the goop of what mine have become

please let this disease leave
all the false happyness
and joy, that i found no longer existes

please stop me from being so goddamn cliche
i dnt ann b known as the whiney emo kid
with the scene style

please keep this going
becuase in my head it sounded grand
and now it sounds ever so bland

yea fuck that
w.e

im tlking to ppl i have no urge to tlk to
simply because i need to stop thinking
because yea, its never really good
and always makes me uber depressed
thats y i spend my life tlking, or txting, or sleeping, or playing games
cuz i dnt think

like while driving with my dad today
i kept wishing that a car wld come flying into the side of the car i was at and kill me
and no one in their right mind would think thats sane
now of course i wanted my dad to be fine
but i just wanted to die
idk
but each time id b thinking in the back of my head "car! car! car! car!"
my heart wld sink
and i realized that there are actually ppl that care
and im trying to block that
like it use to be
and i hate that i let that wall down, because its next to impossiable to build back up
but i think im getting there

and i think that this is making me seem physco
and cold as all hell
but its me

like it
or
leave it

its up to you...

im gonna take my excel test tomorrow

wish me luck
or not

haha

ite pretty warm in school, but the the careers room

and im half asleep

and i dnt think my maranda-kins is here
D=

boooo

i hope my daddy take me to t mobile today
because even if i dnt get the phone and plan and stuff today
i can atleast play with the phone i like
unless its not on
then id b sadddd

bah, o wellllz
gottaa go bitch at admin