bc13

i had this big long thing
then hears "i think im insane" by brokencyde
and thought it fit everything i said

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLnPwbI_utQ

but if u dnt like them
or screamo-ish shit
or "crunk"
lyrics are here [and on the vid]:

Fuck,
Aahh,

I'm not addicted to drugs
I'm addicted to being hurt
It may seem bezerk
But none of these stress relievers work

Caught the pill
At the pill

Trying to get my head straight
Trying to over power the pain until the next day
But it aint happening
I'm an addict that's half asleep

While the other half of me is trapped in a series of bad dreams
My current position was trippin on trees of acid casts,
Until my eyes collapsed in suicide was an after math

( Chorus )
Falling down erasing memories you gave to me
I'm still alive and nothing you can say can make me breathe

So please take away the pain that hurts me
I don't wanna be alone and thirsty

So many drugs to push the pain I have intrapped in me
Cause I don't wanna live my life inside this fantasy

So please take away the pain that fills me
I don't wanna be the one that kills me

I can't take this pain cause I'm DIEING
I can't close my eyes cause I'm CRYING

Causes skills, taken away my brain, side effect's causes pain I think I'm going Insane ( INSANE )

I can't take this pain cause I'm DIEING
I can't close my eyes cause I'm CRYING

Causes skills, taken away my brain, side effect's causes pain I think I'm going Insane ( INSANE )
( End of Chorus)

I guess I'm Insane indeed
Cause no matter what the fuck I do, you never seem happy
Adapting,
To stronger drugs,
Larger quantities
Killing my self constantly
My eyes start to bleed

The feeling of being alive just,
Isn't enough
Serenches I stuff with heroine,
I'm feeling the rush

Inside of my vains, and my brain's fried from filling too much
With drugs, I'm willing to crush my chances of being in love

( Chorus )

Mabye because you made me that way
Turn me into a monster
I would of never became
Creating thoughts of dieing
Eventually severed my brain
Irretated my vains
Intoxicated my system

It went on for days
I had cravings of wisdom
I wanted your fuckin opinion
So I'm making you listen
Listen to all the pain I've been feeling recently
Killed myself
And only now do you realize that you miss me

( Chorus )

scream are we having funn yet..

just got home
i've been at marandas since friday
and we basicially played halo
haha
and made milkshakes
and watched movies
and had much random times of goodness
xD

and thats pretty much it

now there is school tomorrow
so i gotta go through that normal routine
x_x
and i think i may have to switch back to using my book bag because thats too much for my shoulder
x_x
not like having it all on my back would b better
idk, ill try it for a few days and see wat happens...

im gotta go ask my parents for money for the bus
and money for my robotics shirt
and that will most likley b a no
-_-
uggggggg

ummm, i think imma go do that now real quick
oh yea!
btw
i got home
and guess wat
haha, my phone broke
x_x
FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!
=\
so now im phoneless

idk wat happened, i just checked it
and it turned off
and didnt restart, like it usually does
and i tried turning it on
and it didnt work
so im like, maybe my battery got fucked
so i switched them
and nothing
then i plugged it in
and nothing
=\
ugggg
i <3 Nergal
=\

why dose life hate me after it is nice to me????!?!!?

boo, no to the shirt
=\
and i only have $40 left from my 120 i had from helping my dad
and i need that to buy my friend a birthday gift
because my parents dnt give me money to buy my friends gifts
or pay my phone bill
or nething else becides school lunch
x_x
uggg, i just wanna b like, whoops, i needed it for something, my bad, just dnt buy me ne thing
uggggg fuckkkk
they hate me
and i cant have a job
because i have to get one close
cuz they arnt gonna drive me all the time
and they think ill b afriad of taking busses at night
they r fucking retarted

and my dad almost never takes me driving
so i cnt even learn so i can get my licence so that i can get a fucking job
x_x

cnt wait to get out of here..

shes a diamond on a landmind!

im in my room
waiting for marandas mom to come pick me up
so i can go over
and play halo ftw xD

haha
immm
yea

i've been listening to billy talent
reading about columbine
and still not really eating ne thing
all day
haha
i had an orange xD

idk
thats actually my life in a nutshell
well the music and columbine
haha

i cant wait till were are alone at last

i love billy talent
so, thank u N.P fp\or showing me them!

and before their eyes
haha
well i gtg

Im rusted from the rain

math
ugg
i was supposed to go to a matene today
and im supposed to be there at 9
but my lady got in a car accident =\
[shes okay tho, according to someone at the theater]
but she never e-mailed my school
so im still here
and i sld of been gone
x_x

my stomach hurts
x_x and it feels like its goning to bust open

i have drama today
till 6pm
ugggg
and i forgot my charger
because i thought i wldnt b here
using my lap top
bah

i've been in an apathetic mood lately
just no real emotion at all
i havent been able to feel anything but rage

its not that fun
but i rather feel something, than nothing at all
"i rather feel pain than nothing at all"
i guess anger could qualify as pain
but most every emotion can be concidered pain in my world...

ugggg
wen i go home i gotta do soooo much shit
not sleep being one of them
clean my room
do that dishes
vaccume
and clean the litter boxes
and vaccume the house
x_x
haha, you can tell i want something

but imma start doing chores more often
why?
because i wanna go to warped tour
and concerts
and hang out with friends
and be able to get money and stuff from my parents
because doing all that crap seems to be the only way i can gain their approval ne more

internship was boring
then i went with with sound ppl
and didnt leave till almost 30mins after i was supposed to
i was almost and hr late for drama

speaking of which
im about to drop it
cuz last year i said i wldnt do it
i just hate too many ppl there
thats the problem
and im not doing no damn monkey
mainly because i cnt
because i ruined my throat by screaming
which i cant do ne more
not like i was any good
but still
i was self teaching myself

so im sitting here eating war heads, fizzys, wax bottles, and candy cigarettes
the best damn candies ever!
and i refuse to eat real food
because every time i do, i feel sick
so this is my new solution
uggg, im gonna die x_x

song of the day::
rusted from the rain by Billy Talent<3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v_nZEljINg

one of the most amazing bands if i do say so
i honestly dont think they have one bad song

bah
i reallt dnt feel like tlkin to ne body
but i keep getting txts and calls
so they went away
and im not plannin on starting ne of them
not even to tell someone that i blogged
like i always do

idk

uggg
leaving drama i was pissed, of course
i dnt even kno y
i just got pissed
and flipped on ppl
and ran dwn the stairs to get the fuck outta the school
like always
i walk differently wen im mad
idk if u can see it
but i can feel it
it feels like im trying to be all relaxed and cool
but have the appearance if u cross me ill cut u
idk, but it feels retarded
yet powerful

im prob gonna procrastinate my hw
and cut my hair
cuz its pissing me off

i might just chop most of it off cuz its too much work x_x
and im not gonna fringe it, because then its harder to take care of..

i tld someone i was gonna cut it
and they asked for a baggie of my hair
it made me laugh
and i said okay
but im pretty sure he was kidding

but that reminded me of something my friend did
that i find, astonishing
and thats an undermining word for it
he made his best friend a necklace
and it had a vial on it
and in it was his blood
and idk, maybe thats creepy to you
but i think its cool :)
and i like to know that there are people out there like that
it makes me feel like im not alone

i mean, yea
i have friends and wat not
and we have things in common
but i dnt think i have ne one that "weird"
idk

and im going to go deaf soon
because i ALWAYS BLAST THE FUCK out of my music
and im surprised havent blown out my head phones yet
haha
skull candy are beast!!!!
<3

i feel on ice the other day
now it looks like i got beat
but oddly doesnt hurt
but the roof of my mouth is
from eating a bunch or warheads
haha

if i listed everything that hurt
id bore u to death
just like if i listed everything on my body that cracks x_x
or everything i hate
or every band i like
or next to anything
like this whole thing

which idk y people waste their lives reading this
if ur one on them
comment this
and tell me y

ugggg fuck piss shit cock

i dnt want my music to stop
because i love it
and it gives me power
idk wat kind of power
but i like it
and wen it stops
my ears ring

uggg, i wanna wash my makeup off so i can rub my eyes

today i found out that...
nvm

the music video for rusted in the raid is beast to
i wanna ride that thing
xD

but there is something about recycled things like that i really dig
like, fuck recycling paper and glass and shit
so they can melt it or w/e then re-build it
then sell it for more like the fuck heads they are
using junk, to make something
it just awesome
kinda like my person idea

you hung me
like a picture
now im just a frame

i use to be your lapdog
more im just a slave

crush me like a flower

beat me with you chains

gawd, i love this song

and this id probably annoyingly long
my bad

haha, well nvm
idc

i think imma cut my hair
read columbine
then try to finish nikki sixxs book
and then more columbine
then shower
then bed
then tomorrow
then bitch bitch bitch
INTERNSHIP!!!
and im supposed to b with the sound guy like all day
or so i was told..

which reminds me
i need to update the blog
ugg fuck
x_x

i guess ill do that now
and then move on with the books and wat not

lets see who txts
and calls
or reads this

oh yea!
here r quotes i like
because i need to delete some of my post its on jangels...
We are the people our parents warned us about.
- Jimmy Buffett
Perhaps I know whay it is man alone who laughs: He alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter
~Friedrich Nietzche
Anarchy is the only slight glimmer of hope.
Mick Jagger
Tyranny and anarchy are never far apart.
-Jeremy Bentham
Our government... teaches the whole people by its example. If the government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy.
-Louis D. Brandeis
When the government fears the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny
-?
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants
-?
Thus always to tyrants
-John Wilkes Booth& i guess you could say Timothy McVeigh
a liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a argument
-Robert Frost

but i have a new goal
for my life
i want to have a wikipedia article
when i die
or before
because...
nvm
im turning into them

not sure if thats good or bad
turning into ones of great interest
oh fuck it
you all know who im talking about it
and if ur dnt u really dnt kno me

idk
i guess ill just stop here
before i get all emotional like

and fuck
those people have been on my mind
for most of the day

but part of me likes it
the old me is bac

oh shit, thats bad
kinda

uggg, leaving for rizzle now...

look how pretty she is, when she falls down...

i woke up late
got my bus late
came into school late
on my late note they wrote my reasoning as apocalypse started
:D

my new song for the time being is...
scream with my by mudvayne [i think]

Ever feel like dieing,
Ever feel alone,
Ever feel like crying,
Lost child in a store,
Ever feel life pushing,
Shoving you away,
Ever feel like breaking down,
Funeral in the rain

Feel like slipping away,
Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head thats full of rage,
Better belive it,
Stand in the closet and scream with me
A mind thats like a fire,
Drivin by the pain,
Better believe it

Ever feel like lieing,
Down inside a grave,
Listen to the eulegy,
A buyer of the hate,
Ever dance beside the devil,
Taste the barrel of a guage,
Ever pull the trigger,
The light begins to fade,

Feel like slipping away
Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head thats full of rage,
Better belive it,
Stand in the closet and scream with me
A mind thats like a fire,
Drivin by the pain,
Better believe it

I've asked you for forgiveness,
I've asked you for your grace,
I've asked you for your blessing,
I've asked that I be saved,

Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head thats full of rage,
Better belive it,

Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head thats full of rage,
Better belive it,
Stand in the closet and scream with me
A mind thats like a fire,
Drivin by the pain,
Better believe it

Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head thats full of rage,
Better belive it
Drivin by the pain,
Better believe it
-----------------------------
ummm, imma keep this one blog all day, and post it later at night
so that i dnt have 3 again

and photoshop randomly opened on my computer...
idk how
because all i did wast hit crlt+ shift+ t so that i could open a tab i just closed
idk, its stupid

bah
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
So, at my internship, i was given the option between vacuuming, typing, and something outside
i picked typing
dah
haha
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
so there is this bitch at my school
that says eww every time she sees me
but she doesnt say it till she is a good bit passed me
and she really needs to stop being a little bitch
and say it to my face
because im not retarded
and i know its her
and i know its directed to me

and if i wasnt so afraid that it could turn physicial
maybe id say something
but im weak
and not really a fighter
plus i know her friend wld be there
so i wld loose hands down
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
uggg, i cant sleep
because my sheets smell musty
but not like a basment musty
like a loved musty
like when you were a kid
and you had a teddy bear
that you would never let go of
so it would said a slight stench
from being carried everywhere with u

what has this world come to?

choke proof hot dogs
10,000 under 14 go to the hospital for choking on stuff
17% of them choked on hot dogs

people are stupid
and really need to start thinking with logic

but i ask you, what i logic?
because from what i know, it differs from person to person

logic has turned into nothing more than ones opinion
and thats how it will remain

so its no longer relevant to say that you want to use logic
because it ceases to exist

ugg, i guess i've been in a ranting/thinking mood
because, well , i have

and i wish i would could comment on sentences i type here so i could say how stupid that last one was

back to the thinking mood thing..
im thinking, but about stuff, not about anything im doing
its like im lost in an abyss of indifference

like im merely a lump of matter
just levitating in air
and stealing peoples oxygen

as if i serve no true purpose
but to give others joy in harassment
or misery in annoyance
as if there is no true meaning

but is there?
what is the meaning to life

i saw there is none
because we are all born, not by choice i may add
and we all die at some point
imortalness is not an option
and its as simple as that

the way i see it, we are nothing more than pawns in a game
that some "higher being" created us for its own amusement
dangling us by little fishing wire strings
the way you would play with a puppet
because, if i learned anything from catholic school
its that religion is the most illogical things
either that, or science

because, according to religion
God created us
he gave us free will
BUT
he knows our destiny, and exactly what will happen to us
so tell me
how is that free will?
why are we believing what some people wrote in a book
if we were not there to witness it, how can you deem it true?
and if 'God' created us, how did he get there?
it make no sense

nor does science
i cannot stand the idea of evolution
i think it is the most illogical thing ever
because, and i almost got kicked out for this, how could a speck of matter creat humans, and difference species? how can a birds genes make its beak change shapes and sizes? how can a wolf turn into a whale? and where did that little molecule come from? how did i know that it was going to do what it did? isnt it just an inanimate object?
and then there is the big bang theory
so, how did it get there?

AND
how can u say there are 10million species
if only 1.4million of them are knows?

the universe as a whole makes no sense
the world makes no sense
nothing makes any sense
nor shall it ever

the concepts of emotion even seems to leave me baffled and confused
so do the concept of life and death
speaking
walking
breathing
and all these little things we basically take from granted

its not that it so much amazes me
as pisses me off
because its stupid, and makes no sense to me what-so-ever
and hell, maybe i am just ignorant
but still, its all in opinion if u ask me

every thing we do
every thing we were taught
its opinion
there is no fact, nor fiction any more
[except things that happened in the past with first hand information, but hell thats probably not even credible any more]

this is why there are conspiracy theories
because the world is an opinion

colours, names, letters, sounds, and beginnings
are all opinions
and thats all they shall ever be
nothing more
but so much less
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
at a point you have to drop everything
forget the past
and say fuck the future
you should spend every day like you are about to die
because every moment you live, is nothing but a moment closer till when you die

and maybe when light is shed on these situations that that brain has created.

"i tried so hard and got so far. but in the end it doesnt even matter"

go listen to wasted by cartel
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
i could probably type more
but i keep getting distracted
and i could probably have more fun finding loose skin and pulling it off than thinking about this junk

ugggggggg
peace
night maybe
idk
and really dnt care
x_x

zachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzachzach

I feel eyelashes on my cheek, and they lacerate my flesh

so tired
but have to urge to sleep

if i dont sleep now
ill be up till 2
and barely get any sleep
and completely die at school

my plan is to get a shower soon
so that i can fall asleep

ill b relaxed and not have to worry bout getting up early in the am
or having to get one then not being tired

maybe this will generally help me sleep earlier

im sooooo glad my mom said she didnt wanna go to gs
i hate going
blah

drama tomorrow till 7
x_x
oh joy

im gonna bring my charger
for my laptop
incase i get bored

even tho the group my student director has is pretty awesome
and i <3 my director
haha, taravella is awesome :)
unlike last time
the people were funn, for the most part
but my director was a fucking dick
and i still want him to die a horrible painful death
because he deserves it
ass hole
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
i swear that there are some people out there that just try to sabotage u

they'll purposely give u bad advice
or theyll convince u to do something different than them just so that they can be better off, and thell make it seem like its the smart thing to do, the right thing, and u wont end up like them, but once you turn down that road your fucked, and all you have are the memories that you had with that person that fucked u for their own benefit, so fuck them, and fuck the benefit of the doubt, because they are wrong, just doubt and know that you will never benefit from that shit called words comming out of their mouth

look back and realize, that every one around you has made you who you are today.
the liars, the friends, the haters, the hated, the cheaters, the users, the abusers, the nice, the loving
they have shaped your whole life
and made you you

you cant change it
or take it back
its set in stone
just like everything else

so go ahead, start a riot in order to change peoples opinions
because cuz there is nothing is this hell-forsaken place that shall let you over come the odds that stand up so high above you
higher than you can see, higher than you could ever imagine

and you think you imagination is big
but its not
and some one somewhere can and will take that away too!

some one can and will take EVERYTHING about you untill you are NOTHING more than a figment of ones memory

they will strip you down till all that remains and a drop of blood, and a single tear

weather that tear is of joy; for you no longer have to reside here
or sorrow; because you enemy has devoured you
its the end
and there is no turning back
no matter how hard you try

girl i dont care as long as you can make a brother cum

idk
i just felt like making that my title
haha

im at school
and wanna

i want pain killers
x_x

ummmm, i cnt think if what else to say

people at my school are funny

and now im bored
blah blah blah blah blah

i have no frigging idea wat to type

blah blah blah blah
it sld b the weekend
or the break
and a break where we never come back
x_x
uggg

i <3 how does it feel by the goo goo dolls xD
When you're feeling all wrong in the back of your mind again
How does it feel?
When you drop down
Everything's all the same
Oh, yeah

Saccharine, caffeine, nicotine gum
All tastes sweet but it's not for long
And I just think you thought it would be

And when you're looking for truth on the cover of a magazine
How does it feel?
When you found out what you're not going to be
Oh, yeah

They give you your image and the things you believe
Open your eyes, tell me what did you see
And I just think you thought it so real

[Chorus]
And how does it feel when you're out on your own?
And now it's too late to go home
And it's hard to be free when you're down on your knees
Take it easy 'til you make it alone

Now your supermarket, punk rock, television, comedy
Out on the scene
Yeah, I been down now there's no hand to feed
Oh, yeah

And all the beautiful images lining your walls
Pop radio screaming down the halls
And now you think you found something real
When it's all about money and the things that you need
Live a big lie and they all believe
And I just find that somehow obscene

[Chorus]
And how does it feel to be out on your own?
And now it's too late to go home
And it's hard to be free when you're down on your knees
Take it easy 'til you make it alone
Take it easy 'til you make it alone
What a scene
(Yeah)

It's all been said before
And all been done
Take it easy 'til you make it alone
Take it easy 'til you make it alone

[Repeated over and over]
La na na na na
La na na na na

'Cause lies weigh more than truth
Innocence looks good on you
Now everybody wants to know your name

[Repeated over and over to the end]
La na na na na
La na na na na

i lied, its call what a scene
haha, i fail at naming my songs

anywhosssss, peace

uggg, i know what i want to say

but i'm going to do my best to keep it in
i realized that i can keep spilling my guts on here
because i still and will forever have the fear of letting anyone get to know me too much
and loosing people once i think they are at that danger level

thats all i really can say, because if i say more id be saying to much

i even have the fear of mentioning my little baggie
but i shall
i slept with the contents in my hand
and i probably will again tonight
its nice


so ill stop it there

idk, i feel like being closed off to the world and people at the moment
its just one of those things

just like those days u wake up and are like "oh shit, something bad is gonna happen"
so you dnt turn ur music up too high
u watch where you step
constantly check ur surroundings
and make sure nothing happens
but in return it does
well, at least for me

idk, its odd i guess
and i guess ill stop here, so i dnt fuck my plan

because i've already fucked over myself enough..

shit, i think that was too much..

you are the thunder and i am the lightening..

haha, slemina gomez

i haz my little bag next to me
and im dwn stairs
watching the simpsons from earlier
im gonna make a bagel
with cream cheese

im kinda chilly
but meh

idk what else to said, but i want to update this all the time

thats all there is to say
i guess

my face is really dry
x_x
it kinda hurts

i need a job

and i really really really really really wanna fucking punch someone in the fucking face for being such an ignorant asshole!!!!!
arg!!!
i hope this retard fucking dies soon
and painfull!!!!
ugggg fuck!!!
actually, no, i dnt want him to die, because i realized im not really that mean

which kinda sucks
i like being mean!

how come almost every you tuber i watch has a cat?

i feel sick
like a stomach ache
but i think its more of a emotionally sick
if that makes sense

my right button on my touch pad has shit under it
or something
because it like sticks
well, makes a clicking sound
and im trying to click it so it stops

its not working

blah
x_x
sick, sick, sick
=\

i moved a little baggie thing in my room
it use to be under my bed in a bin in a bag
then a while back i moved it to my side table thing
thats no actually by my bed
now it sleeps right next to my head
because i needed to contents of that baggy
and i never put it back
i like it there
its convenient

i think it use to b between my mattress b4 actually under my bed

i wonder where it's next destination will be
i think i should name it
and i really think i need some tums or shit
x_x


fuck i lost the game

the tums arnt helping
and we dnt have pepto bismol
and im not eating ginger, because it burns
and im not drinking vinger, because its nasty

i wounder if tylenol would help

fuck im tired
and i feel different
idk, thats weird
but i do
if that makes sense
which of course, its doesnt
because noting i say does
blah, idk wat im saying yet

i think im gonna go on a ronnie spree
or escape the fate spree
then bush my teeth
to get the taste of taco pringles out of my mouth
that arnt good
well, not like the taco Doritos
these pringles taste like plain ones with a meat floving pack on them

ewf
x_x












i wanna insert a picture, so imma look for one
but idk what of
colours?
hmmmm, ill go see what photobucket has
or some saved pics...

my bad, i have alot of 'emo' pics
no one gets to ever see them tho
and i want to show all the pics in my album off!

anywho
get ready for random pics
and the story/explanation behind them..

I just adore the fall <3
its so wonderfull
enjoyable
relaxing
and rejuvenating
not to mention how gorgeous it looks everywhere!

i just find this romantic
in a sense
the love and pain
and the sense of "if u have to suffer ill suffer with u"
idk, prue, true love i guess
its cute ^_^

Note:: this was before jesus hated me..

im not 100% sure y i like this
it reminds me of the in with a bullet out with hearts pic tho
which just holds memories
in a sense
if u dnt kno wat im tlking about...

i was in GA and found those in a store
i tried to make each letter a different colour, but i didnt wanna open every box
if each letter didnt cost like $10 dwn there, i wld of got that xD

okay, maybe they only cost 5

you can click it to make it bigger
but this was for my first grad project topic
i like this
i like the devil and the kids praying
i like the emo pic with the razor
and I LOVE that i managed to squeeze eric harris and dylan kleblod in there


it was my way of basically hammy to fuck off cuz i wanna do columbine
but it didnt work
and still hasnt
maybe next yer they will FINIALLY get the fucking poing
blah
i really dnt even wanna do it now tho
i mean, i already read next to every peice of information there is
and i dont wanna have to go back and re-read all of it fo quotes and shit
blah
too much unnecessary effort
haha
i actually spent almost have that class reading about it
and the rest playing games and talking
hmmm, so usefull xD

i was gonna make this lyrics, then realized i already made them those lyrics...grrrr

they were:::
breaking my back just to know your name

i got up and there was no delay
and i was like fuck it im going back to sleep
and if theres not one when i wake up
oh well cuz imma make it one

but then i checked, and there was one
w00tness

i buyded bobby pins
and new mascara
and some coffeeeeeee

and yea
that was my day
:)

ummm
idk wat else to put

soooo
yea PEACE!!!!!
<3

The fireship

beat the i drive
so, yea
i was like, awwwww D=
and then i listened to them
http://www.myspace.com/thefireship
and they really deserved it

not saying that the i drive didnt
the fireship is just one of the few bands that dnt suck ass

so yea
that was my day
finding out the i drive didnt win

well, atleast they get to stay in PA and play here :)
haha, i guess thats not that great, for them

blah
ummmm, yea

i woke up at 5
checked for a closing, there wasnt one
went back to sleep
woke up an hr later than i wanted to
hurred up and got all my shit together
checked to make sure there was still just a 2hr delay
got a shower and dressed in a rush
turned on my hair straightener
checked for my next buss
then got a txt from my friends mom telling me my school was closed
i didnt believe her
so i checked
it was closed

i was pissed i rushed to get ready
but happy i cld sleep
and not have to go to honors math
and yea

so i txted people
and then went to sleep
and woke up around 2 or 3

and god only knows how i managed to spend my time till now

i have laundry to do
and 3 assignments from honors math 2 do
that are all late
x_x

ugggg, a waste of a day
i want another closing
or at least a delay
but so far, theres none

ugggggggg
i guess ill do my laundry
then goto sleep

maybe ill try and do a little hw to bore me enough ill wanna sleep

w/e
night world

by the way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGDWDfJK4tg
thats the song i was tlking about in my other blog
it doesnt sound as good as on her cd
mainly cuz recorded shit sucks
and theres ppl in the background
but atleast the difference proves that shes actually singing xD

shes really good
:)
heres her famous song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wigqKfLWjvM
i think she was an u oughta know artist on vh1 a few years back

Preperation...

back at school= more senseless rants
oh joy

ode to divorce by regina spector has been playing in my head
oddly
her voice is completely astonishing!

it gives off the sense of peacefulness
yet,hatred

i really dont know how to explain it
but ill put a link for it in here
:)

break me to small parts
let go in small doses
<3

ah-fucking-may-ZINGgggg

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**
upset stomach
feel like im gonna barf

got to school at 730
went out for like 10 mins around 820
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
u-n-i-c-o-r-n-s
dnt call me a horse!
im a unicorn
magicialy mystical
something or odd

damn unicorn pencil
and damn 1-800-zombie for making that song!!!!
>=0

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
so im at my intership
and my lady person isnt here
sooo, yea
im supposedly working on something
haha
idr shit from 2 weeks ago tho...

whos that idiot down town when everyone else is sleeping??!!

yupp that would be me

i have a heavy metal
so im good for the day

this morning i heard some one scraping their car window
i was in my room
and wen i went dwn stairs ther persons car was 3 houses down and across the street
sooo, i was like
WTF?!?!?! it sounds like they are at my fucking window

haha
i thought i had more to say
but i dnt
sooooo

yea...

school tomorrow

no sign of a 2hr delay
or closing

i didnt do a wink of hw all week
sooo, tomorrow shall be interesting

free coffee
xD
so that will help me make it thru the day

saturday/sunday
i lost a pair of pants
they ripped when i was sleeping
and so did my hoddie
=\
now i need to fork up like at least $40 to buy a new one
there goes my new hair straightener
=\
oh well
at least mine works

my mp3 player STILL needs fixed
and it will probably cost an arm and a leg
gawd, i need a fucking job

maybe ill be friend the people at the coffee place
:)

well, there weeday hrs r like 7-8
sooo, like 4hrs wont be bad
and if i get sleepy i can buy myself a coffee
plus, i think they have wifi

ill also say that they sld invest in getting flavored things, and making frappichinos
ill just go there and tlk to them about how they can get bussiness
idk
it wld b some money
:)
and its REALLY close to my house
and right next to my busstop

sooooo
yea

cuz i cnt work ne where else
=\
cuz im too young, or they arnt hireing
sooooo
pooey

maybe ill get some sleep
or do some laundry first
idk
and i really dnt care

i still need a grad topic
and im really stopping to care
about it all
graduating
college
work
like
w/e
ill figure it out

i mean, i still can fulfill my 'dream' if you can call it that
although its not really one
well, not a good one...
hah

idk, i joind hrs math
and NEVER do the work
sooo, im fucked
umm, i dnt understand it
so wen we test
IM FUCKED

idk
my skin on my left arm is all blothcy
=\
thats normal tho
so w/e

ugg, this is filled of short lines
and repeating stuff
and yea
that^^

but im trying to make a longish one
sooo
yea
w/e
i guess here it is..

"are you on the computer?"

"no i'm walking my dog!"
i <3 the ringer
its a good movie

anywho

i found some one that actually makes sense in this world
http://sequinedswans.blogspot.com/

she use to go to my school, but left
sooo, yea, haha
shes pretty cool xD
although we almost never really talked

if she reads this
i wonder wat her reaction would be...

so if u read this miranda, im sorry if its kinda odd/creepy w/e
but thanks for being sane and making sense :)
u shed a new light on the world!

anyways
thats really about all
haha

i have nothing to blog about
cuz iv been pretty good
and not really have to much to bitch about..
i guess

yea, w/e

okay, maybe there is a reason...

or a few






dnt judge me

i fell like crying

for no real reason






thats all...

so you can litterally die of boredom

http://www.physorg.com/news184916879.html

jesus hates me..
thanks

bye bye scary kids scaring kids =\

one of the few times a decent band comes to pittsburgh
the fucking snow ruins it all!
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
i fucking hate this fuckng snow!!!!!!!

i mean, i've been looking forward to this since early december
then some one tld me that it happened and january and i missed it
and even though i couldnt find ne proof that it wasnt till tomorrow
i didnt give up!
cuz i <3 them
and really really really wanted to go she this
because it said it was their LAST CONCERT!!!!!

so yea, this sucks ass

i mean, it was yay! no school monday or tuesday!
haha, okay, no shool wed
and now im like
ugg, no school thursday, maybe still friday
but tomorrow ill b like
fuck! no school
=\

because if school is canceled, either the show will b too
or i wont b able to get off my street
or my parents just wont let me go
or all of the above

and wat sucks more, is that i kinda still dnt have ne one to go with
D=
well, i wld
if there was school!!!!

blah


anywho..
im gonna go get ready to go over krystals
just so my dad can b like
"the roads r too bad"
sooooooo
yea
this sucks..

thank you jesus for hating me!

insert catchy title here that will attempt to grab you attention...

blah









that's about it







going over krystals tomorrow
and spending the night
hopefully no school thursday

friday:: concert
at desil
$15
scary kids scaring kids
<3

thats about they only thing i have looking forward to
but i should just suck it up
because im not gonna b able to go..

Can't sleep...

thank gawd there is no school
no girl scouts either
or at leas i hope not
i fucking hate those people
x_x

so yea, my dad came home
piss ass drunk
at 4
my first reaction
"how come im barley allowed to stay out till 10 with my friends, but u cant come home whenever?!?!?"
his reaction
"that cat thinks hes smart, but i can catch him cuz hes fat and stupid!"
well, you gotta love him...
then later he picked up whitesox
and i was like "gimmie see kitty!"
and he was like "NO! cuz shell hate me then!"
and we go in to an argument thing
then he was about to put her on my lap
and tripped over the chair i was sitting on
with the cat in his hands
and she i fucking terrified!
and he was like
"no kitty, u thought i was being mean, but i was nice, cuz i didnt drop u!"

any who...

i've been playing games on addictinggames, adult swim. and game fudge for that past 5 hrs
soooo...
productive night?
meh

i think i deserve some sleep
but i dnt wanna

idk, i guess ill go play some seether
and relax

well, that one icp song i have it really enjoyable

haha

i gotta do an assload of homework, that i should of done a LONG time ago
cuz like all of its late
idk, maybe ill do that tonight
or ill ignore people and try to do it

or i could just keep putting it off haha

half day friday, and off monday
probably no school till thursday!
haha, that would be soooooo nice
but i dnt think im that lucky

i had too much luck yesterday
to have ne left for today/tomorrow

so yea
imma have to call this a night
so sweet dreams
haha
wtf is a dream?!?

help me build..

a person
we can recycle

actually, i want to build me!
i only can think of one things tho..
ill use orange crush cans for my lungs

so help me think
what else i need for a body
and what i like

i would love to have a me, made out of junk sitting in my room
hell
it doesnt have to be me

i just need help of thinking of stuff i can use for body parts
energy drink cans as bones?
i have enough..
and they are just sitting there
maybe one summer ill get some friends
and a lot of hot glue and duct tape
and well build a person
out or recycled stuff
:)

i cant believe how relaxed and chilled i am now
its so disturbingly refreshing

at this point i dont want to talk to anyone
i dont want to listen to music
i dont was to watch tv
or do nething
because i dont want to b upset

times like this i would like to die
so i can stay at peace

and now i just realized hat EVERYTHING makes me want to die
im pissed, depressed, or at peace
i want to die

its so wrong and twisted..

am i just that demented?
and twisted?

whats wrong with me?
blah
i have issues

maybe i should talk to someone about my 'depression'
but, its one of those things that you can just blurt out
embarrassing, if you will

damn, there it went
form calm, relaxed. and at peace
thanks, i opened up my mind
and here spill my thoughts
i gained the fuel i needed for those little mice to start scurry
x_x

so i guess here i'll go
and spill my thoughts...

today i came home to a car blockade
and a plow on my street
it was neat
the whole street was helping shovel cars out
and move peoples car
it was pretty neat
xD

today i prayed..
but not for me
for the people around me
because that bus had everyone freaked
so, i decided it would b appropriate

meh, i guess thats all
becides that fact i really want to learn how to play the drums
and REALLT well
so if you can, teach me
and if you cant teach, you should find someone to teach me

kaythanksbai

i hate wen songs bring back memories..

fuck everything we went thru
fuck every word we said to eachother
fuck everything that u led me to believe
fuck all ur lies
because thats all that came out of ur mouth
fuck everything i thought about u
and fuck everything that u were and ever will b

ur the fucking reasons for my fucking problems u lieng whore loving ass hole

@ 7:13 i was happy

and for quite some time after
thanks to sceneXster
haha
hes the shitttttt
xDDDD

umm, but yea
then i faded back into me
were thoughts of pain dance in my head
instead of sugar plums..

my back hurts

"as the pain rains down, so shall the blood.
drip after drip, drown in my river.
drip by drip until im gone"

back hurts
im kinda cold
mt tummys growling
i dnt wanna move
i fell like crying for no real reason
i fell like im bout to barf

tomorrow i gotta take my cuzin and her friend dwn twn
because they came up to see pittsburgh
what a wonderful experience

being trapped in this hell
i mean house
with 3 ft of snow
and then having that stupid
"dnt take showers, do laundry, or flush toilets because we are conserving water"
bull shit
we lost power a few times
but only for a few mins
and i've been out of the picture for all the time but an hr or so
i still havent done ne homework
my life is a wreck
uggg
i really need to stop complaining
and i have so much more shit on my mind
=\
i think it will be better off inside

by the way
im sick of your shit
im sick of our fucking retarded little arguments
i hate how u criticize me
i hate when u make me cry
i hate when u go on about shit i dnt care about
i hate when u can tell that something is wrong
i hate that you care
i hate that u talk
i hate that u breath
i hate what you did to me
i just fucking hate every aspect of u

ur a slut
ur a whore
ur a liar
ur a cheater
ur a user
ur an abuser
ur a rapist
ur a stealer
ur a murder
ur everything bad

blah, i fucking hate people in this world
and almost every last one of them
please do me a favor, and all go burn in hell
wait, i take that back
because thats where ill be
chilling and being me
with u all some place else
so leave me now
leave me the fuck alone
ill talk if i want
dnt force it out
ill do what i want
because its my fucking life

maybe ill smoke
maybe ill drink
maybe ill do every fucking drug i see
maybe ill sell my self
and ill be ur bitch
but dnt tell me im wrong
or ill fucking flip
ill slit ur throat
if u tell me who the fuck i should be
maybe ill be a murder
maybe ill change to a saint
maybe ill just fall off the face of the earth

because fuck you
and fuck ur logic
i'm not buying into ur shit
maybe i dont believe in god
maybe i think the worlds flat
maybe i think the Holocaust was a fake
maybe i think everything i learned was a lie

all i want is for u to let me be me
dnt ridicule
and dnt judge me
i am who i am
and i like what i like
maybe i am right, and u are wrong
maybe the hardliners will die and rot in their hell
while the stone rs and loners will sing in their heaven

maybe what you learned was wrong
maybe what you teaching is a joke
and that book is all lies
maybe everything thing any one knows is wrong
maybe its wrong to breath
and eat
and sleep and live

maybe every thing is a fucking conspiracy
and frankly, id bet my life that every last fucking one of u is wrong

maybe suicide is right
maybe murder is good
maybe getting a disease is a sin
and youll go to hell

maybe the the people with cancer, stds, and diabetes are evil
and spawns from the devil

who knows
and who the fuck is there to say im wrong?

its sure as fucking hell not you!

so maybe we should all go
and slit our wrists and throats
and let the suckers lead their lies untill they find a 'peaceful' end

jail is a fucking joke
that just had to be said

i mean what the fuck does it do?
nothing
so fuck the police
they dnt know shit
they are taught all the wrong things
and follow everything bad

only a few people make me smile
and it seems like they always fade the fastest...

good things never stay
and 50 bad things are there to take their place

so ill say this line
to the 'god' if their really is one
fuck you
i fucking hate you
and i hope i never fucking see an asshole like you

that should ensure im going to hell
i say that too often to not..

because theres no way 'heaven' can b perfect if something as horrid as this 'god' figure is there...

roxacloria-no-one-gives-a-fucka

lyrics, for, well me
I wake up in the mornin'
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes

Then you came around me
The walls just dissapeared
Nothin' to surround me
Keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up(oh)
You've made me trust

{chorus}
Cause I've never felt like this before
I'm naked around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked around you
And it feels so right

Yeah yeah

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself
And let the covers fall away
Guess I never had someone like you
(To help me)To help me fit in my skin

{chorus}


I'm naked (Oh oh yeah)
Does it show?
I'm naked (Ohhhhhohhhh)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ohhhhhho

I'm naked around you
Does it show?
I’m so naked around you
And I can’t hide
Your gonna, your gonna see right through (you're gonna see right through me and I can’t hide.) (gonna see right through...)
I’m naked around you
Oh yeah yeah
I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through baby

headache
feeling like crap
almost got turned into mashed taters by getting hit by a truck
tryed to test my luck again

im really fucking tired
blah blah blah
ummmm

cant think
but i didnt wanna go to school today
but i did
and i didnt get sent home

i had a pretty neat convo with one of the most hated kids in my grade
and yea, hes an ass and all
but hes really fucking epic once u get to know him a little more
haha

theres soooooo many douche bags at my school
and retards

like i swear to go they find the most fucking retarted people and squish them into my school

and i realized if i had a dollar for every time i said "------ makes me want to slit my throat" id be a millionaire
and thats just from this week

ahhh, i dnt really feel like typeing because thats all i did at my internship
so imma go watch some u tube
and try to get some sleep

btw, my cuzin and her friend r comming over
and they r from fl
fun fun..

any who

i saw they person that "bury your head" was about
thats it
i dont see the significance

ummmm
todays song of the day is girl with golden eyes
by sixx am
don't ask me why
it just is

ummm, still sick
and cant eat with out my stomach tightening it knots
=\

my ear is still irratated

scenexster is calling me =D
my day is made
well, that and having that random kid at the college thing say polo

i hate wires
thank you internship for making me hate them even more
and vacuums too

i havent bloggedededed in my internship blog for a while
o well
idc

im sooooo sleepy
and have soooooo much homework
i think after scenexster calls me saturday im gonna shut off my phone
and hide my laptop
because i REALLY need to get this shit done

i may just see if i can stay home tomorrow
hehe, that would be nice

my eyes have been red and bloodshot for the past few days
well, not that bad
but noticeable enough
atleast for me

maybe people dont look in my eyes
or maybe my eyeshadow/eyeliner is just too distracting

i need money
for stuff...

blah

i wanna cry
and idk y
today was rather enjoyable

meh, maybe its because i am incapable of being happy

uggg, i need to get a shower
and do laundry
and sleep
and do lots of h/w

gawd, holding in these tears is killing me
=\

i hate when people go on and on and on and on about retarded shit i dnt care about

my body is trembling
=\

today was good
today was fun
today was better than most
i am happy
i am fine

ugg, its not working
=\

w/e
this is all stupid

The World Is Cliche

no matter what you to, it's cliche
Nothing is original any more
nothing it unique
don't try starting a trend
because starting trends is cliche
being unique, and being different are cliche
do you see my point?

no matter what you do
what you say
what you think
it has all been done before

you cant charge your laptops in the halls
its a tech violation
just like taking out the stupid little place holder cards
"this is a warning, if you do it again its a confiscation"
"thats so fucking retarded, i've done it hundreds of timesn and no one has said ne thing!! its not just stupid, its full blown fucking retarded like every other fucking rule and aspect of this hell for saken school!!"
"i heard that"
"i dont care"

"fat ass but with a ph
not a 10 but a definite 8"
sorry, they wouldnt leave my head

so last night i slept for like 9 hrs
it was nice
i really needed it

i thought i had more on the paper
but there wasnt
part of my day is gone from my memory anyways

so i guess theres nothing to say
becides that there is a NEVER SHOUT NEVER/HEY MONDAY/THE CAB concert at the Altar Bar on May 4 at 6:30 p.m. for $15
and no, i didnt take advantage of that lyricial opportunity
and yes, i did just copy and paste that from the internet and at concert at the on at for
xD

i found my other paper..

i want to go home early
i feel like im about to die
my headache isnt gone
my stomach is filled with fire vomiting butterflies
x_x

it's snowing outside
and the snow looks pretty
and bullshit that no two snow flakes are alike

i wanna colour
something simple
and something pretty

scream me a love song<3

i know someone that can scream
xD
i think i made a new friend!
bahaha

by the way,
love songs are cliche
and thar line is EXTREMELY cliche

today was...

shit
pure shit

woke up with a headache
walked in to school lateish
had to throw away pretty fresh coffee
ran to hide my shoes
fucked up my calculator
got scolded for being to stupid to understand something that didnt make sense
passed out in class, so i didnt do the work
got sarcastic remarks from alot of teachers, that all had sticks up their ass today
missed half a class because i was left out
my locker wouldnt open
got yelled at by ringold about my damn shoes
welshe: "what are you doing with your cell phone in the hall"
ringold: "taking pictures of this fool and her shoes"
me: "why are you taking pics of me?!!?"
rindold: "to show welshe your shoes"
me: "why? i kno they are inappropriate, she yells at me every day to get new ones"
ringold: "oh really!??!, then why don't you?"
me: "im not wasting another 20 bucks on shoes for this stupid school"
ringold: "i know u have money, thats not the issue"
me: "yea it is, i payed for these shoes with my own money because i wanted them for school, my parents arnt gonna go out of there way and buy me new stupid shoes"
ringold: "but they are against dress code"
me: "then maybe there should be a rule that just says u can only have ugly crappy stuff, like every thing else here!"
then there was my internship
it wasnt that bad, i just hate alex
i HATE doind stupid research!
i FUCKING HATE how smart he fucking is
that damn asshole didnt know the difference between a comma and apostrophe when her was spelling shit
alex: "do u know how to set up and external hard drive"
me: " i do go to a tech school, but never done that"
alex: "well do you think it's in ur skill level?"
WTF!!!! all you have to do is plug in two wires and accept shit
im not that fucking retarded!!!
i cant believe he would actually think i was
every day i have to deal with him makes me want to slit my fucking throat!
i wish a WORSE death upon him than joe
then i watch as HE sets it up
in the middle of it he decides he wants a password
alex: "i cant do [w/e their password is for everything] because every one will know it"
then he types it in and gets a piece of paper and a pen
alex: "can you step back please?"
REALLY??!?
REALLY alex, REALLY??!!?
like i want your fucking password?
gawd, if I REALLY wanted you damn external hard drive dont you fucking think i would of already fucking took one??!?!
and like i would memorize it after looking at it once???
by the way, latter i did see it
idr it tho
but it had NHT in it
but i already knew it would
and then he was all like "read these book things and see how often it updates"
and nothing was there
so i look it up
and look
and look, then quit
go into the office
me: "i couldnt find ne thing on the site"
alex: "its okay, it was on the box, i just wanted to see what else you could find me"
x_x
AND
i droped my phone as i was about to get off at my stop
it fell behind a seat, near the wall, where someone was sitting
talk about me being annoying and in pplz way
i missed my stop by 2
x_x

that all i can think of tho

but today wasnt 100% horrifying
i got free starbucks
got a gir picture
played marco polo all day<3
was trusted with $680
got a visitors pass to the childrens museum
and in cult lit...
me and keelen sit next together
we both ended up passing out
and get woken up at the same time
jj's response
"holli, stop sleeping with keelen"
it was funnyfull

this headache is killing me
but i wanted to blog
blah blah blah
w/e
i wish i had the energy to do something..

i feel like this..

seventh level of hell...im sooo scared

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test


Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

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ohhh
im sooo scared
nawt
bahaha